Christmas 2007 and So On...

I figure I would start with the Christmas Party. I failed to get pics of the food, but it’s cool because Most of it was eaten! I had a spread of food including, garlic mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, sausage with peppers & onions, ziti with beef, turkey flavored collard greens, string beans, turkey, ham, fresh garden salad, pasta salad with shrimp & broccoli, cherry cheesecake, red velvet cake, and brownies. Thank You Trackstar for the cheesecake and red velvet cake! I wanted to get everyone a gift for Christmas, Like I usually do, but my money just wasn't there. I did it last year, so I said I will do it again this year! What I do best is your Christmas present! They came, they ate and were merry! Lets remember:

The day of the party, my brother did an impromptu stop through my house! I was like okay, there will be a house full of gay people here and my brother is just chillin. This isn't going to work, but he soon left. Out of the clear blue sky he stops through again while I am finishing up everything! I am like great! Again, he leaves, but bumps into trackstar on the way out... sigh (I knew I was gonna hear something later on about this)! "I'm not good enough to be invited to your party?" Our relationship is borderline, on thin ice, or on pins and needles, whichever you prefer, at the moment. I don't wish to talk to him, nor do I wish to hear his opinion on anything! IT’S ALWAYS UNWARRANTED! I will attempt to respond, but I will no longer initiate conversation with him until I am comfortable!

Must I stress again my no sugar rule? Do I have to remind people that I hate hypocrites? Say what you want and be a man about it and stop being a bitch! Sorry to sound harsh, but I was told to stop texting a certain number to "help reduce the number of texts to my blackberry". I said fine, even though I sent about 20 texts in a month span! I come to find out, since this happened after the breakup, he just wanted to delete my number and not speak to me again! I am fine with that, but don't pussyfoot your way around it, speak up and stop being a bitch about it and say what you want! I so wanna shout his name out but I will not. I will erase him from my life just like he deleted me from his blackberry!

I feel bad because I wanted to have a fun Christmas. I wanted to be active, doing things with people that bring energy and no problems. I left my house and came over to Newark to be with MY Shawn! I promised him I would be there for Christmas and I didn't know how, but I made it. As a result, my dad was alone. I tried to call and the line was busy. I called again and it went to voicemail and apparently the voicemail was full. I was enjoying myself and didn't want to stop. I don't regret being away, I just feel sad that I wasn't able to speak to him on Christmas to wish him a merry Christmas. At this very moment, I get a text from my brother asking did I see him for Christmas. I ignored, then he called and ignored that also! I will call back later and have my backbone ready to deal with him and all of his mouth!

I got the main thing I wanted, which was attention, smiles, and fun! the tangible stuff I got was a neato oven, a pressing machine (two items a cook can appreciate), cookie sutra (i have to dive into that to see what that is about), a Shrek poster book (little things count with me), and Shrek the 3rd, BBQ set, dough press (more cooking items), slippers, wireless keyboard and mouse, and a few other things my mind can't quite grasp on at the moment! I was blessed and I feel blessed.

My car is grounded before I could have it for a year! I am attempting to stay positive about it all, but it is real hard. I have always had a car since I was 17 and all of a sudden poof! I'm still paying for it! I will press forward and onward. This will be an adventure! On one of my first adventures I decided to initiate a photo shoot! Check it out and Happy Holidays:

As of Late...

I wanted to do something new because I have tried spreading my blog out to new readers...

["Do you want to fuck me?" "Yesssss" "Really? Are you sure?"]

I guess I never would of thought I would be the one to talk in my sleep. Apparently, have desires and I respond to my surroundings while I am sleep. I am even grammatically correct! A witness accounted for these events and quoted me word for word on the three above. There are more instances through my lifetime, none believed until now. SIGH What to do? I think this is a sleeping disorder, I might need professional help!

I need a Christmas outfit... I don't know what to buy, or maybe how I will buy... . I need to make a wish list for Christmas, but there is a small problem. I don't know what I want. I was asked and I don't think I was able to come up with 5 things. Let me try again:

• Parappa tha Rappa for PSP
• USB Bluetooth Adapter for PC
• Digital Camera
• 22" Gold Chain
• The Contemporary Encyclopedia of Herbs and Spices: Seasonings for the Global Kitchen by: Tony Hill

Wow, I actually was able to think of 5! Moving on...

I went into a hospital today. This is a big accomplishment because since the passing of my mother, I have had a fear of them. I did NOT want to go but I had to be there for my friend. I had to show my support. Life is so very short and I would never thought I would of seen my 27 year old friend laying there with a tube down his throat breathing for him. I had a flashback to my mother. She died with a tube down her throat. I left the room. But I went in! That's the most important part.

I broke up my first fight in school on Friday, then the next period I had to break up another. What a week, but a week full of work! I am happy! I pray for the same this week! My house will be crowded again. We will see how this will work. Hamburger Helper here we come! LOL

New pics coming soon!!!

Rantfully Me!

I was subbing on yesterday and I was covering one period for a teacher that had been called out to the library. I was walking around in an attempt not to be bored. I came across a poster with grammer symbols and I just happen to come across a familiar symbol [...]. I said to myself, "hmmmm". I copied the word "ellipsis" and its explanation: This punctuation mark is also called a suspension point, points of ellipsis, periods of ellipsis, or colloquially, dot-dot-dot. An ellipsis is sometimes used to indicate a pause in speech, an unfinished thought or, at the end of a sentence, a trailing off into silence. I have adopted a new saying with my no sugar rule called "dot dot dot"! I use it when I don't want to hurt you with information that may seem harsh or whether you are asking me something that I may not be able to share because of confidentiality. This is my saying and I didn't even know it was destined to be mine, take notice to my blog name"I Wonder..."! Its in me and it was something I didn't steal from anyone's personality!

I am happy that I can open my door to friends and family that are in need of a place to stay. I don't have much room, but out of the kindness of my heart I want to help those that need help. In the dreaded event that I need a place to stay, I would hope that one of my family members or friends would take me in also. I keep in mind the "it is more of a blessing to give than to receive" concept.

I had a conversation about "beatins" in child rearing, and I asked my study hall about this and I was surprised that some black kids said they don't get beatings and more of the white kids said they do get beat! Is the balance shifting? The white ones seemed to be more polite and respectful and the black ones were loud and rambunctious. When did this shift occur? Why and how did it occur? Why are more and more black families not beatin' their children?

I have a view and opinion about many problems that this country faces. I think it all is the parents fault. Instead of parents being parents they are trying to be their friend. Instead of parents providing structure they allow the children to run all over them! Discipline is not applies soon enough to enforce the parents authority. Choice is given to kids way to early and freedom is no longer a luxury. What is your opinion?

At The Seams

How I wish that my Christmas could be like this. A very special Christmas. It doesn't look like it will come my way.

Christmas has always been one filled with family and fun with good times. I remember the singing, the gift exchanges, the games, the food, the laughing and good times shared.

This Christmas, my sis-in-law has been checked into a mental facility. My mother and I called it, that she was crazy before my brother and her even married, and nobody listened. My brother is going through and I can't be there for him because I am not financially able to travel. My heart goes out to him and his situation and having to deal with a child that has special needs and a wife that has gone off the deep end. I wanna be there but can't.

My closest brother and I haven't communicated with each other since the Sunday after Thanksgiving. I think I am losing my connection with him as a grow in other areas. Its not quite fair that I have to exclude him because of his opinions and viewpoints and accusations. His religious title is talking to me and I don't need a minister to talk to I need a BROTHER. I think our relationship is on a downward spiral and there is no rebuilding it from here...

My dad STILL gets high and jerks off and continues to distance himself from me in his high moments. I don't know how to get to him and it is getting to the point where I am not sure if I want to get to him. He is hurting himself and me too! my heart is becoming hardened. This time of year, why? Its not fair!

All I want is a snowy Christmas, with family there enjoying each other's company like we once used to do not too long ago! How I long for a Christmas that is together with family with no drama. My family is falling apart at the seams and I can't sew it up fast enough. I know I can't be the one to fix everything all of the time, but that's what Mom did and I am the most like her and feel like I have to try. If I don't there will be no family ties left!

I look at the poor condition of the bonds in my family, and I start to fall apart at the seams. I got to enjoy a great movie last night and actually teared up because my family, which was at one time almost picture perfect, is no longer a fairy tale. I Got mad at someone very close to me off of something so minor because of the humor and the fun side of me. I am on edge and I need to smooth out. I have to keep it together, somehow, someway. Oh, SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY...

Will this Christmas be a very special Christmas for me?

Trail of Cum

I unbuttoned my shirt, button by button. What is now revealed is a six-pack of abs and a nicely sculpted chest that could be seen through a skin-tight wife beater. I looked down to notice to nipple prints coming through the shirt. I felt my chest to feel my stomach. I was feeling myself. Turning myself on!

I sat on my bed, to take my shoes and socks off. Once both feet lay parallel to the floor, my eyes are fixed on another leg that is in the air. Halfway down my thigh, reaching down the left pant leg, was a massive muscle. Jumping ever so forceful but gentle. It had came out of my underwear, but I caressed it slightly, only enough to feel its girth from base to tip. I got a feeling of excitement as my dick took one more leap in efforts to break through the seams of my pants. I imprisoned it back into my underwear.

I stood to my feet, unbuckled my belt and unfastened my slacks. The 'clack' of my belt buckle hit the floor after my pants slid down my legs. I leaned over to look at my dual color gray bikini briefs. They were light gray with slight dark gray detail where the head of my dick had leaked a gracious amount of precum. There was a trail, enough to believe that I had bust something desired before intended! My dick was throbbing begging for an escape. The dark gray trail grew longer and wider and I pulled off the beater and started rubbing on my nipples. OOOOhhhhh!!!

I laid down legs spread eagle and licked my left index finger to rub my nipple and was caressing my dick and rolling the low hanging balls. Moaning slightly I reached in and tried to grab hold and tame the leaking beast. It was warm and still throbbing. I slid my briefs off and laid on the bed completely naked. Slowly jerkin my dick ad the volcano teased me by slightly overflowing. An eruption was there, right on the tip and I let loose. The long snake jumped in every direction uncontrollably. Not quite...

I reached on the side of the bed and grabbed the black Castro dong! It was thick and dark and ever so long! I lubed up with my favorite lube Eros and placed Castro's head at the door of my ass. Gently knocking, repeatedly i finally let him in. Further and further he came, I was moaning in complete enjoyment. My dick was so hard it couldn't move and you could see every vein protrude from the sides. I continued increased speed and my ass swallowed it every time. "Ohhh Ohhh OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH", I moaned!

I grabbed a hold on my dick, while still feeding my ass with Castro's Dick. Ecstasy, pure ecstasy! Two strokes and I felt the bed shaking. My body moving in tremors. With a pump of Castro and a stroke of my hand, ERUPTION! The first hit was my eyes and nose followed by a full trail of cum leading back to my dick. Cum all over my neck, chest and stomach. My body ejected Castro and I loved every minute of it!

Sorry For My Brief Absense

I have not forgotten about my great readers and talented bloggers. I just have been a lil busy setting myself up for success. Well Alicia Keys album has been released and I heard a track Like You'll Never See Me Again. I was taken so far back into the depths of the song one night after listening to it over and over again. Here is what I wrote while I swimming in emotion:

"I sit here in my room,
Light dimmed and eyes shut.
Listening attentively to the melody,
Anxiously awaiting for the anticipated thought provoking lyrics.
Placed in a sea of thought from a river of possibility,
All revolving around love.
Some seek for a lifetime, and others maybe more.
Many give up and harden their hearts to future and present possibility.
Others find it and fewer appreciate and cherish it.
In a state of slight confusion, sadness, happiness, sorrow and appreciation, I sit here.
Heart beating with tremendous pressure, and every heartbeat felt all over my body.
Love makes you feel weird, makes you do crazy things.
It's just like energy; never dying, never destroyed.
Always being recreated.
I know what love is.
It lives and breathes and is a force that can keep you going.
What will you do to keep love? What will you do to get love?
I sit here almost brought to tears.
Have you found that person which was everything you was looking for?
I sit here ready to cry tears of gratitude, love, care and affection.
I have found that person which was everything I was looking for."

Funny Video of MrShawnQT

Some of the pics below didn't come out like I envisioned, But I still wanted to share them. They are from when Reg, Derron, Soldier and I went to DC. Enjoy!

I came across this while I was on a leisure walk with my pal Reggie! Tell me what you think about it!

On another note, teaching is going real well and I think I am getting a real knack for it. Trial and error are my teachers at this point! Some teachers are even giving me pointers on what to do and what not to do! GET THAT!!! I have been requested by 3 teachers for the month of December and that makes me feel like I am doing a good job. I have never felt so amped about a job before. I think I have found my place! Something that excites me, pays well, and gives me weekends holidays and the summer off! HOLLA!!!

I re-arranged my room. I do have to say I am proud. I have to get a 5' x 8' area rug and some curtains and a few minor odd and end things to really bring my room together!

I am reminded of the spirit of Christmas through mishap. I will not go into details but I will be trying to capture the true meaning of what Christmas and the holiday season is supposed to have. There will be photos and more to come.

I FEEL GREAT

Update; Sugar; Telephone

This will not be a random post but one of those posts that could really be three posts. I don't want to forget nor do I wish to drag this out for two to 3 weeks, when it has all recently happened. I will attempt to keep it brief.

There is much tension in my household since I have been spending the bulk of my time here. There have been arguments that have transpired about stupid things regarding his habits and comments that are said when he is on his high. I dismiss them because I do not feel like dealing with the ignorance, or his habits. As it turns out, I will be looking for my stable life sooner than expected. I need to get financially stable soon, because I need to move out before I become homeless!

I started substitute teaching in the Rahway Public School systems and I have to say the over all experience has been good. I had complained to Jay, Tyson and a few others by stating that the middle school students are "bad ass kids", and I meant it! I looked at the other side of that glass and I saw me being a nice pushover type of guy that kids will run over at every opportunity. This has had me somewhat of a backbone and hardened me to some degree. Now, I feel like I have some control over my classes. I have only taught in classes in the High School and Middle School levels. I have yet to deal with the younger kids. Wish me luck!

Church, Wow! I don't know how to stab at this one. I am almost in a place where I am about to become a spiritualist. I am tired of people telling me that I need to do this and I need to do that! I am Tired of the phoniness of the grand ol CHURCH OF GOD IN CHRIST!!! If it wasn't for the joy I got when I sing in the choir, I wonder would I even want to go into church! I have received word that my "Word 4 Today" is reaching more and more cell phones through networking everyday! I'm happy about that. I receive more gratitude and appreciation and testimonies of how the text has helped them in motivation, encouragement and inspiration. That warms my heart!

I talk too much. I have started being more private with things that should be private. I have reserved detail when talking to friends. I tend to say the wrong things to the wrong people at the wrong time and sometimes in the wrong way! Then I would be upset when people would comment! Well no more! You get the abbreviated version of everything that's regarding me.

On to the sugar! Ever want to tell something but you want to spare their feelings? You speak the truth but you state it in the nicest way possible. You just put sugar on it! The meaning or true feeling might have not been portrayed and communicated with this sweet version of the truth. I have a "no sugar" rule now. I say it like it is. If you don't like it fine! If it terminates a friendship, oh well! I am no longer willing to spare peoples feelings at the expense of my character being questioned.

Telephone; this should be good! I was thinking about something the other day. Has anyone ever played that game telephone, where you whisper something into someone’s ear to see what the message would be when it gets back to you? I made a comparison of that game to the Bible. Assuming that the authors were 100% truthful in their writings and their experiences and conversations with God, it was still written in another language. Now this is where it gets translated into what we know today as the Bible. This is what I like to call the first stage if telephone! Now you have the bishops, pastors, preachers, ministers and etc that base religion off of this book. They read, some study, and they interpret it and preach it to the hearers (church members, TV tuners, etc...). This is what I like to call the second translation and second stage of telephone. People in their situations will receive the word in very different ways, according to their situations and beliefs. This is the third translation and third stage of telephone. I wonder, “How much of what God originally said we actually received?” I'll throw something else in there, what if what was written was slightly false than what actually took place. The base of all Christianity would be in question!

I am done for this post. I had a lot to say... lol

TAG! The Blogger Edition

I got tagged by One Man’s Opinion The rules of the game are:

• Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog...
• Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself...
• Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs...
• Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

1. The nerves in my right thumb are quite numb! When holding a glass without a handle, I have to hold it with 2 hands because I don't know how much pressure I am placing with my thumb. There fore I will drop the glass!

2. For someone who can wear a size 13 shoe comfortably, I have very bad equilibrium. Sober I have trouble walking in a straight line!

3. I still consider myself a closet case. Don't let me see someone from church while around my friends, I will disown you!

4. I talk to much! At the wrong time, to the wrong people and about the wrong topics. (see next post about this one!

5. I have a combination of straight and curly hair that varies in color in different spots on my body.

6. I have flat feet! You think that would have corrected number 2 by giving me more base for support, NOPE!

7. I hate playing tag this way! I like other forms of tag! :-)

Tag You're It!

I Apologize

I just have been going through some things with me on the personal level. I have heard alot of things that were here say and not alot of actual statements. I have also heard true opinions and thoughts but without reasoning I had no base of understanding on the opinions and thoughts. I have had ill-thoughts towards many people and this was wrong of me.

X: I'm sorry of the way we communicated. What you've said to Shawn was based on your knowledge only and you reacted the best way you knew how to react. You were a friend to Shawn the best way you knew how. I'm Glad you are there for him and again I am sorry. You have always had my back in the past. I just had to get over myself to realize what was going on.

Jermaine: I realize that you are close to Shawn. I know that you have his back no batter what. I don't know how this situation applies exactly to that of you and one of your past relationships but apparently it does. You failed to understand that you don't understand the situation because you are not in it. I wish that I could make you understand but I can't and I will not try to convince you. I thought you were putting me on blast in your blog (you may have or not) but I took real offense to that. Whereas you didn't know the entire situation there either. We haven't talked and I was too upset to talk to you and I was just boiling over with anger. I was very dismissive and dismissed you without you even knowing!

Brandon: You have called me occasionally. Thank you! I thought you gave all of your time to Shawn and I was jealous. I was bitter. I met you, I felt you was my friend! Emphasis on MY! While talking to you was OK, I really wanted to spend time with you. Every time I wanted to you were busy entertaining EVERYONE else BUT ME. I felt left out. Sorry yet again, but I had to get over myself.

Dave: You called me once and after you found out what happened, you never called me back that I can remember. I thought we were close but I never took into fact that you are extremely busy with work and your own boyfriend. I'm sorry for not seeing that and passing judgement on you.

I apologize because it is right and for me to be bettering myself I have to let go of all that weighs me down. I hope you all except my apology in the spirit it is given.

I pose questions...

What do you do when instinct leads you away from logic? What do you do when you are faced with a situation and your instinct is telling you to do something that is completely illogical?

Why do faith and reasonable logic always clash? Why is reasonable logic almost always chosen over faith? Is it because of the safeness of it? Is it a fear of stepping out on faith?

How do you go about knowing who your friends are? Is there a test to give? Is severing a friendship giving up on someone? Should friendships be severed? Isn't life about building friendships and relationships?

Is there a definite 100% correct decision? Is there a 100% wrong decision? It may be good for you but hurting someone else! You may be already well off and step in front of someone who really needs that job to live that you are applying for and accept that job, You feel great about a pay increase, but what about the lil guy you just caused to be homeless?

Why do we render comment on others, when we fall victim to the same short-comings? Does misery love that much company? Why is there always judgement when there is a mountain of things for you to be judged on?

Why can't we just leave people alone? Why is there picking and meddling in other people's lives? Why can't people let people live? Why are there always questions asked that are always out of order?

I laid troubled under the cover on my futon in complete darkness wondering about everything! Absolutely everything that I could of wondered about in those 2 hours sat uneasy in me. I just had to let some of it out!

Is this good or bad?

Today is the 2 year anniversary of my mother leaving me and this ol' world. I asked the trackstar what today's date was and he told me the 22nd. I accepted it and kept my day moving. I stated I have to post tomorrow. Later on today I learned that today was in fact the 23rd. After finding out this information, little changed about my day. I was finally on my vacation having fun and enjoying myself. It wasn't how I planned my vacation being so far as finance, place, and company, but I am very satisfied none the less.

I wasn't saddened thinking about my mom. I was more bothered that I didn't think about her more. I always had this idea that I was supposed to think of good times instead of the bad. I thought of nothing. Am I moving past my experience? Am I forgetting my mom in a slow process? This is what I wanted in a way, to not be sad anymore. I don't think I wanted it at the expense of not thinking of her at all! I just don't know how to take all of this. Personal analysis is a big part of my construction. Could play a huge role in rebuilding me. I need to know why the sudden forgetfulness and its role...

Less than desired I guess

spot. None existed. I asked a gentleman, "excuse me sir, do you..." and before I could finish the gentleman loudly stated, "I I left the hotel room to move my car and my dventure begins here. I initially thought that i could just pump the meter with coins and that would be fine! GUESS AGAIN! I saw that sign that said no parking 7-9 or something like that and 4-6. its 7:03 and i need to find a parking spot. I found one but only had one quarter. That's not gonna fly. I went in search of a place to get some change. EVERY PLACE IS CLOSED! I walked around for a bit liking for a free parkingdon't have any money"!


I was taken back by this! What in hell do I look like asking some stranger for money? I'll just ask the people I know! :-) I had no markings of a beggar. a cell phone on my hip, car keys in my hand, less than runway Capri's, with matching Tims, and accessorized with a gold chain and gold ring. my fuckin ring was worth more than his whole damn outfit! Bitch please! I told the fool, ain't nobody ask him for any money. calm down and chill! all i wanted to know was there any place to park for free around here he laughed and kept on spraying down the sidewalk. You give these uncle toms a damn uniform and they act like they own shit! I have come to tell them all something different! I am disgusted and still don't have a parking spot.

Fuzzy Under Construction

Maybe this post will make it and stay on the blog! I feel some sort of wierd way. I'm upset at myself for not thinking this whole thing through on Friday. I'm upset for not letting this be a team decision since it involved both of us. I'm upset that in an effort to spare shawn and I more hurt than necessary, I sent out a mass text that miscommunicated my thoughts because I was yet still confused. I was most upset that I couldn't explain myself and wasn't quite sure if I, myself, understood what I did and why I did it.

I retreated to my friends' place for shelter and comfort. Little do they know it but it served as my hospital. Don't try to bill me either, send it to Charity Care! They were the only two friends who were presently still available to talk to and cry on. I tried to make sense of the whole thing for the entire weekend. I thought and thought, then surfed the net for suggestions, hints, info and answers. I've found a plan!

A new and improved Fuzzy. I plan on going through physical, emotional, spiritual, nutritional, financial and motivational changes. I'm going to give myself a COMPLETE makeover! I am determined to be changed. Some that I have shared this with don't believe that I can do it. My only goal may seem distantly far, unreachable, illogical and unprobable but why do I always preach and get preached to about faith and hope if I never put it to action. Faith without works is dead! Faith moves God to move for you! I would be somewhat of a hypocrite if I didn't try and step out on my faith. Some of you may be lost but I wil inform you when time calls for it.

I have finally (seemed like an age in time) spoken to Shawn. I have shared this plus more. I was so taken back when he told me he was drunk. I tried to act like it was alright but I felt it wasn't on so many levels. Please don't give up your morals and beliefs in a fit of pain and anguish. Funny coming from me because I do drink sometimes and wanted to get drunk but refused to drink while in that state. I'm surprised that the friends he was with alowed this to happen. Its whatever tho (sure I'll get a nice comment or two for that phrase)!

I'll keep you updated on my status and progress.

Not in digression, marching on with progression. I'll be new and better than ever!
Fuzzy

A Thought of Peace

While sitting here at the computer a song dropped into my spirit, Peace Be Still, by Vanessa Bell Armstrong. As I hum this song, I feel myself relaxing and entering a serene state. I open the song on youtube and it seeps further into my spirit. I read a blog about a letter with picture of a sunset. It takes me back when I would have this perfect view of the sun setting at my old house. I would sit there from like 10 minutes before the sun would even look like it was setting and just look. Something about it gave me peace. Maybe it was a symbolization of ending with a new beginning soon to come that granted me that peace.

Some may say, "Peace from what at that young age?" When I was younger, elementary school age, I was experiencing death and hospitalized family member and friend after another! Hurt, pain and exclusion. Wasn't accepted in school because I was a transfer student. Never had a friend click. I always was in want of something. Unlike many other kids, what I wanted was immaterial. That sunset brought hope that tomorrow was going to be better for me, somehow. I haven't watched that sunset since I was in high school I think. I am going to look for another spot to watch it in and wait for my peace to come.

"Come on with peace! Help me say peace!" What gives you your peace? How do you get your peace?

People Poll Questions

I'm not feeling too well today, but I am making it through. I wanted to post this last night but forgot! What do you love most about your body? I asked a few friends and I got a fair response. So I figured I would try it out here! Here are the questions:

1. What do you love most about your body?
2. What do you love least about your body? (I don't want anyone hating themselves!)
3. Do you believe that the body should be changed/pierced/altered in any way?

I love my chest/torso area the best! (I did change my answer for those who listened to me last night!) Its small but not too small. Its not defined but not overly defined. All it needs is minor work and grooming, lol, and its 100% presentable.

I love my feet the least! They are big and flat! They cause me problems at work and they make me cumbersome. They are high maintenance feet and I wanna swap them out!

I do believe that the body can be changed with modern medicine and technology. However, some things place your health at risk! You always have those people who are extremists and take it way overboard. This is my opinion! What is yours?

Job Fair!

okay this is a first for me. i am actually attending a job fair and unprepared! i planned on shaving for this thing the day before and it slipped my mind. i didn't remember this until i yawned while waiting in this rediculously long line... who comes to a job fair without shaving! GREAT!

while waiting in this line i'm noticing that there is a woman in front of me. i immediately passed a silent judgement to myself why would you wear a see-thru mini-skirt to this thing! lol i guess i know what kinda job she is lookin for haha! omar is with me and he nudged me saying she is wearing a rainbow slinky as a bracelet. i almost lost it and laughed out loud!

well this astronomically long line is moving in groups of 25. i believe omar and i are getting ready to walk in. wonder if there is anything appealing to me awaiting inside! I'll let ya'll know...

update later on today... on this post after this statement!

so i posted the above at 12:05pm est, before entering the doors of the job fair,and it is now 1:00pm est and i am back at the house! it was a total bust. i dont feel like editing this post and i wont. i'm disgusted that they charged a dollar to park there for a garbage job fair. there were only sales and financial positions. WTF!

::EXHALE::

oh well maybe another time. i am taking a midday nap! bye yall

I have an UPDATE!

I have filed paperwork for a Substitute Teaching Certificate in hopes of becoming a substitute teacher! lol

I have collected most of the money that is owed to me. rerouting it to pay for this certificate.

I have made moves in the direction of earning wages. OFF THE BOOKS!!! YAY

I am attempting to go back to school, Kean University to be specific. I'm excited on this new venture of my life. I would like to live in the dorms, we will see...

I have developed a backbone for speaking to my father about household matters and matters of our relationship.

I am bored!

2007 is coming to a close in 3 months and change. I would like to plan my holiday in advance and have some meaning to this holiday season. More joy if possible! Has anyone planned anything? Does anyone want to get together and plan something? Does anyone have suggestions on how I can make Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's day eventful?

Hello, I'm Chitty Chitty!

I met Truly Scrumptious on this weekend. She was just so amazing and funny. Let me explain because the majority of you are lost!

On Friday night, the gang and I went over to Tyson's hotel/dorm room at the Hilton. He invited a friend over and we enjoyed a night full of cards, dancing, and laughter! To finish most of the night, we ended with a force fed movie of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang! I have never seen this movie and was opposed to watching it! Everyone else was as well! But it was whatever, Tyson's room, Tyson's movie! We watched a healthy portion of the movie and I was surprised that I actually was getting into it! Then he turned it off. Oddly, comment was rendered, "From henceforth, I shall be called Truly Scrumptious"! I laughed and laughed! This came from the friend that Tyson invited over. He was funny, sarcastic, country and GAY! I loved it! I dubbed myself Chitty Chitty and others followed suit in picking their names! Simply delightful!

Food for thought: Is there any condition where cheating would be OK? Is there any condition where cheating would not be frowned on? If cheating was discussed beforehand, is it still called cheating since both parties know what is happening? Are there certain types of people who you shouldn't cheat with?

What if?

I was just wondering what would happen if there was an all gay House of Representatives, with an all gay Senate from every state, with an all gay cabinet to advise a gay President of the United States. Just thinking out loud! Can I have some feedback?

Random!!!

I took some new pics today and for once I wanted to share them with you. Doubleclick on the button below:


So I was feelin a lil wacky and I wanted to post something interesting and funny! I found this thing online and I tried it out. I got frustrated and I wanted to see if anyone could win on the "not that easy" level. Let me know how you fare!

Disturbia!

I am Feeling a sort of way right now. I'm disturbed and distraught!

I was on web cam today, and someone sent me a private message saying that he was HIV+ and he thought I was cute. I was like Thanks. I wanted to get into his mind to see where his mindset was. This was a 25 year old Black Male who claimed to be the perfect bottom. He asked me would I fuck him Raw. I said NO. My interest was peaked on why this positive boy wanted me to have unprotected sex with him, knowing he has HIV! Mind Blowing! I am wondering at this point what kind of people he has sex with. So, I ask and he states "anyone who wants to have sex with me". I am astonished! Shocked and appalled! I have a headache!

Someone else proceeds to hit me up at the same time and we are also exchanging words. Why is it that the dummies are online today! This one is a 27 year old versatile that likes to get fucked "bareback" and he prefers the guys fucking him to be positive, and vice versa (wants to fuck HIV+ bottoms) He is HIV- somehow! I don't know how. I advised him that he should be thankful and to consider himself blessed that he doesn't have HIV. He brushed me off by saying "whatever" and that was the end of the conversation.

I just don't know how to handle how people view life and how they value it! People are messed up in the head. It’s people like them that cause HIV+ rates to increase! My God! What is next?

Top, Vers, Bottom???

I know this is the second post for today but I wanted to get this off of my chest while I'm feeling it. I have been dubbed one of the bottoms in the group! I don’t see why I have to be a bottom just because I am in a relationship with a top! I have considered myself a bottom in the past. In with newer experiences I left the total bottom title alone. I put on Vers Bottom. That grew old and not I believe that I am fully versatile now. Could I be progressing towards being a top? I don’t know if that is possible or if it will happen. The only thing I know is that I have been dubbed with being a bottom and nobody accepts that I could be anything other than that! I am bothered and disturbed!

Second point! I seem to be caught "queening out" and people say that I get more gay everyday. The people that I hang with that are straight say that I don’t. It only comes out when I am around gay people. I have made a conscious effort to not act gay in view of my straight friends and in places of religion and I have been successful. I try to use my gay friends as a release to "queen out" so it doesn't come out in other places lol.

I grow weary of being a spoken bottom and I am getting tired being called gay. I understand I am in a relationship with a male. Does that fact alone make me gay? I don’t believe so! Its not an idea that I am trying to hold on to my heterosexuality but the fact that on some level a woman can still turn me on!

Lets set the record clear for anyone who seems to have the my story incorrect!

1. I am Versatile until otherwise stated by me
2. I act one way around the gays and another way in public view, GET USED TO IT!!!
3. I am Bisexual

So all of you'll that wanna ride my dick and keep up the chatter, you can suck it when you're finished! FALL BACK!

Dumb NJ Laws!!!

I was wondering what to blog about when I remembered some law that Tyson told me about. I thought I would look up these laws and see what was what! here is what I found:

• Drivers must warn those who they pass on highways before they do so.
• Handcuffs may not be sold to minors.
• It is illegal to wear a bullet-proof vest while committing a murder or robbing someone.
• One must yield a phone line to a person if it is an emergency.
• All motorists must honk before passing another car, bicyclist, skater, and even a skateboarder.
• It is against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.
• It is against the law to "frown" at a police officer.
• If you have been convicted of driving while intoxicated, you may never again apply for personalized license plates.
• Car dealerships are forbidden from opening on Sunday.
• You may not slurp your soup.
• Automobiles are not to pass horse drawn carriages on the street.
• It is illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon.
• In Newark, NJ, it is illegal to sell ice cream after 6pm, unless the customer has a note from his doctor.
• In Trenton, NJ, you may not throw a bad pickle in the street.
• In Trenton, NJ, pickles are not to be consumed on Sundays.

Check these laws plus more at: http://www.dumblaws.com/laws/united-states/new-jersey/

Beach Booty Bloggers!

Hey!!! I finally went to the beach! YAY!!! We had fun, I took a whole bunch of friends and we had fun! At one point during the fun, I was laying down on the blanket. I took a gander up and saw a booty in my face! I then proceeded to take a picture of it! Why? I have no clue! I did, then got picture happy and took pick more pics. So, I thought I'd share. I have their consent to air these photos, however I will not name them. If they desire to name themselves in the comment section, GO FOR IT! ENJOY!!!

My Labor Day Weekend!

Okay the weekend isn't officially over but I left some details out last time and I know I won’t want to sit down and do this on Monday. So here it goes day by day!

Friday Night. It consisted of shopping at The Jersey Gardens mall looking for underwear. Everyone (Reg, Shawn, and Tyson) found something that spiked their interest. My interest was not piqued! I don’t know why I am so picky but I had to have nice underwear that heightened my appearance. Let me explain. There was a sleepover party at The Chocolate Bar in Brooklyn. I wanted to be on point! The underwear I was going to wear I couldn't find. So, a trip was planned to go to H&M, which never took place. I still was determined, after throwing a fit that I was the only one that didn't get underwear, to find something that said WOW! I did. So, we (Ty, Tyson, Shawn, Reggie, and I) went over. The turn out wasn't as expected, but I was determined to have a good time, It happened to turn out like that also! We were somewhat the life of the party. ALRIGHT!!! Great Night and very enjoyable. Reggie got a HOLLA, I had an admirer, and we all danced ourselves silly!

Saturday. I went home expecting to take my dad lawn mower shopping. That didn't happen! GREAT! I wasn't really that enthused about doing that anyway. Only was doing it to attempt to keep him happy. Then My God Mothers Birthday Party! I thought it was going to be boring but was just the opposite. They had a Gospel DJ and everyone knows how I love my gospel. They had fun games in which I partook in; Hoola Hoop Contest and Water Balloon Toss. I didn't win any of them, but made the finals in both events. COOL! Then the crew, I'm not typing any more names, loll, went over to Soldier's Place and Chilled! OMG he has such a nice and comfortable place! I love it so much. The kitchen is a dream! Tall walls, decorated extremely elegantly too! I LOVED his place! That’s it for Saturday!

Sunday. I was tired. I didn't go to church and Soldier had spent the night. Our beach plans seemed to be cooled out! Just a bit too much chill we thought to be dipping in and out of the water. Oh well, what to do now? After about an hour and a half of contemplating, we decide to go to Blackbeard's Cave, located in Bayville. It was a lil out there but I have to say, it's definitely someplace I see myself revisiting in the future! Go Carts, Bumper Boats and Miniature Golf! I loved how the day turned out. Then we finished off the day waiting in very slow moving traffic and dinner at Bennigan’s. Such a great day it turned out to be. I want to go to the beach tomorrow!

Monday. Ummm yea, no beach. Still nobody wanted to go. Sigh! I was bored ALL DAY LONG. It doesn't take much for boredom to set in for me. I have to have something interesting going on at all times. If not then boredom will be coming. If boredom sets in then I will get a mental headache! Only cure for that is sleep (relaxes my mind). Excedrin doesn't work! Oh well! I left Shawn's place in search of activity. I refused to be bored on a holiday! I found none, just things to keep me moving and busy. I guess in a way mission accomplished, but I had no fun in the process. I came back to Shawn's house. We decided that we were going to take a random trip. We ended up getting flashed on and having the Cop's sirens sounded on us for makin’ out (making out is the story I am sticking to!!!) in a car in a park. It was soo fun, but something I would definitely think twice before I do it again!

Great Weekend, I think I am going to start incorporating Red Bull into my weekends, plus one hour nap! Cheers to everyone for a great weekend!

7 Days

"If you had 24 hours to live just think Where would you go? What would you do? Who would you screw? And who would you wanna notify? Or would your ass deny that your ass about to die ?"

I thought of this song while I was reading a post on another blogger's blog (check him out!). I would like to open it up to 7 days. Where would you go in 7 days? What would you do in 7 days? Who would you screw in 7 days? Who would or wouldn't notify that you were going to die in 7 days? The overall concept is to give an outline of what all you would be doing with your last 7 days.

Wow, when I thought about this, it brought some tears to my eyes. Ummm, I would wanna spend some days with my brother his wife and my niece down in Maryland. Sharing stories about my mother, passing on information, last words etc... Then, as I feel time dwindling down, I would come back to Jersey and only wanna be held by my BF. If I was to die, I would like to die in his arms. This damn sprinkler system must of went off, there's water all on my face!

Weekend!

My weekend was full and packed! Let me start with Friday. I want to make sure I get every detail in...

Friday, being the last day of the work week for some, is just another day of the week for me. I woke up and took Shawn to work and came back and played around on the computer and did some light cleaning. Ya'll know I watched Passions! :-) By the way I am taking donations for "upgrade Shawn's Cablevision to DirecTV" fund, lol! Then, I had night service at church that I had to be at around 7:15. I left made my way home to get my change of clothes and loaned a friend some money for a rough spot she was going through. Made my way to pick up Shawn from work and proceeded to get dressed. Out the door I went headed to church. I was there when the rest of my crew was going out to eat. It was cool; I was giving God Glory while they were stuffing their faces! lol. Drove back to Woodbridge and picked up Reggie and came back to the house and chilled out till like 3, 3:30 till I crashed! I just couldn't stay away anymore.

Saturday, I was going to Maryland to surprise my niece with a birthday outing to wherever she wanted. She turned 5 on this past Monday, the 20th. I was supposed to be driving the U-Haul helping my friend (mentioned above) but help never showed so I was driving and moving her in.

SIGH

I did it because she needed help. Let me tell you, afterwards, I was sweatin like a dog and looked like I had just gone for a dip! My shiny glistening body, shirtless at the time, was working in overdrive. I was physically exhausted after. But still wanted to drive down. I got stuck in 4 hours worth of traffic! I had to take a nap at a rest stop in all of that sun! oh well, better than taking a nap around a pole, lol! I woke up and began traveling again; hit more traffic once in Delaware. sigh, only 3 disabled vehicles, which were all to the side of the road, unbelievable! Then once I got there, took her to play mini-golf, it started to rain. then bowling when it proceeded to thunderstorm. What can I say?!? I left headed back after eating some nice Hollywood Chicken :-) it was finger lickin’ good! Made it back safely, and met up at IHOP where everyone else went. went back to Shawn’s house and fell asleep!

Sunday, still tired. Missed both of my morning services. I went to go purchase a Bluetooth headset. got one on sale and had an additional $15 off! HOLLA Went to the last day of the conference that was going on all week and service was high. Got out and I had a flat. I was like GREAT! at least I was in a safe location. I found out that My front tires were almost bald due to a misalignment of my wheels. was down to the wires. I just thought to myself, "THANK GOD I WAS PROTECTED", I could of been on the highway when that tire decided to pop, which would of turned out to be very ugly. I was blessed, but still had to pay to get all new tires. all of my tires had some kind of damage on it. all different though lol that was the strange part, lol. After that trackstar and I chilled at the house. Tyson joined us after we left to get more chicken and came back. we relaxed then dropped Omar off at the train station to see him off to be our next American Idol!!! We rooting for you toots! I then took my ass to bed after my baby got home. it’s so nice to fall asleep next to him.

My weekend ladies, gents, and others! lol be cool and be safe!

Collage of Thoughts

Hmmmm lemme see, I would like to do one of those posts that has a few things included in it. Feeling like typing a lil bit today! Not too much I hope, lol! We'll see how it will pan out.

Well, I was dubbed a sexy thug recently and I must of cried my eyes out. While I do believe that I am sexy, I do not see myself as a thug. A message was sent to me, "you're too cute to be a thug"! I was like, "what does me being cute have over me being thug?" Thug is a behaviour and sometimes a physical attribute. Given: I am no thug, but if i wanted to be a thug I think I could be one.

On the current event corner, I have to go to court for a speeding ticket tomorrow. It was completely my fault and I just hope that this will not damper the length of my vacation! :-) I was going way too fast in a town that has nothing better to do than pull people over. I have warned people about this area many times, but failed to yield my own warning. The kicker was I was speeding trying to get to church! I thought I was covered in the blood, guess again lol. I still have to obey the laws of the land. Next time I will wait till I get through the town before I get a heavy foot!

I think the attention and popularity has died off and I have to say I am happy. It is no secret that I like attention but there is such a thing as too much attention. I think I got to that point. I'll stick to my nude beaches and keep my appearances on cam to a minimum!

My story is moving to DirecTv and I can't have satellites in my building and Shawn has cablevision! My time is running out, I need a plan! What to do what to do what to do???? I have been watching this soap since the 10th grade! that is like 6-7 years ago. I don't feel like counting the years so I used an approximate number.

My new car is about to get replaced if my mechanic cannot diagnose the problem that is causing my car to stall out in the rain. Now I am having issues with my alarm! It wants to go off whenever it wants to! Why is it that all of my cars seem to have issues with water? Sign, Next car is gonna be waterproof! lol

On another note, I got a phone call with a job offer. It is the first call I have received concerning a job, so there is a deal of significance. I was excited, still am excited! It was a cooks position paying $13/hr, full time position, 5 days/40 hours a week. I declined. I am still on my vacation and they would not compromise Sunday mornings. Oh well! NEXT!!!

I am refreshing myself on recipes that I should know, sanitation procedures, and different things as a cook/chef should come natural. I still don't consider myself a chef, experience brings that. My time will come.

I am physically out of shape. When I was in High School, I was able to do more physically. Run longer, lift more and was in general more physically defined. At this point I don't look like I am in bad shape. I actually don't look bad at all! I feel out of shape. I am fighting to stay within a weight range of 150-159. I recently rode a bike and at the end of the ride, I fell out! lol I laid on the bed and fell asleep! I was exhausted and extremely tired. It was only about 3 miles 4 at the most! I want to do more bike riding and more jogging and throw in some self resistant exercises. This should peak my body back to where it was. Since it was those things that gave me my body in the first place.

Well till the next time, my mind has been emptied of free flowing ideas. Buh Bye!

Watch Me, Look At Me!

Okay, I have developed this thing of wanting to be more revealing with my body. I have absolutely no problem being nude and do not care too much about whom is looking at me either. This stems from me desiring attention. I love attention and I do believe that it comes from a vain side of me that cries out to be noticed.

Recently, Shawn and I entered a chat room and started sharing a web cam. It was innocent at first but I got horny and it was hot so one thing started to lead to another and the next thing I knew there was a porn in the back ground, my clothes were off and Shawn and I were giving each other head! ON CAM, LOL!!! No complaints, by the way :-) hehehe... Moving on, the chat room had about 60-70 people in it. And shows icons of who all is watching your cam. There was an icon next to about all who was in that room! I got hornier and I started to grind on Shawn's dick. It was feeling good and was turning me on even more knowing that someone was watching me do this! The next thing I know I am bent over and my insides are being comforted! (That was a nice way to say that huh!)I took a look at me riding that dick and twisting and turning and I had an orgasm. Yes i said orgasm, i didn't cum, but that was all I needed! After that, all I wanted was my chest to be painted white, if you catch my drift! My wish was granted ;-)

I have been getting messages and im's asking when the show will go on. While I have no problem holding an encore ceremony, I don't think that Shawn feels anywhere near as comfortable as I do. I need a mode of letting my freak out! HELP!!!!

Two Shorts from Back in the Day

212
By: Daniel James

I wonder if we can make it;
take the world without it breaking us.
Overcome the way we started;
hoping that it won't part us.
Or will we separate,
if we did would my heart break?
I just don't know how I feel,
almost like I am the clicker on the "Wheel of Fortune" wheel;
touching every feeling and emotion...
but the wheel never stops!
I wanna stop it but I am afraid that it will land on love.
love, oh love! How did this happen?

A The
By: Daniel James

A thief of my words, the sun on my face.
The percussion of my heart, a current in my blood.
A tone in your voice, the notes of your sound,

fall fresh on a listening ear which cause me to fall to the ground.
The power you have, its not quite understood.
A simple explanation, please, if someone could!
The days have past, not one without thoughts of you.
A thought of a reality with you is opposite of blue.
The time clock ticks and tocks and goes on,
a thought, "is it with you I belong?"

A moment of confusion... there were so many thoughts that were rolling through my head. I didn't know why and had no explanation of the feelings that I felt. The only thing I could do at the time was take note of how I was feeling. I hoped that someday I might revisit these shorts and come to terms with the unclear and opaque reality I was dealing with. I have revisited and I still don't understand why! I've come to terms that there will be some emotions and feelings that have an unknown origin. Some that will never be understood. But I still try... Maybe again in a few years I'll understand. I'm so stubborn!

Knocked Out By My Faults!

Sigh, so here I am. Sitting here with Shawn having a personality discussion. My personality has been spotlighted. I don't know what to do! do I stay do I go, do I change or do I remain steadfast! It has been brought to my attention I have a few "character flaws".

The kinda of person that I am is one who tried to make everyone comfortable and I will put forth 100%, or very close if not more than 100%, effort to make sure people like me. I will even take it a step further, if I to see that you have a problem with me, I'll find out what it is. Then, I'll try ti fix it make amens so fourth and on. Problem in this scenario. It seems as though my "character flaws" were rendered by a group! So I asked, "what were they?" I do not think i was ready to hear what was said! That I act caddy, shady and dismissive. I said, "HUH"! It reminded me of this clip:

It caught me by left field that I was like wow! I really wanted to make an attempt to change despite the devastating blow. I do believe I was being denied the chance. It has me a lil low even though I am trying not to show it. Should I try to fix this, or should I break tradition and leave things things as they are? I understand that everyone won't like the charming fuzzy as I like to be known as but why can't I try to be liked by everyone?

Mixed Emotions

My long awaited departure from my job has finally come. YaY? No YaY? I really would've thought that today would be a happy day, a cheerful day even! I woke up and I have a feeling of blah. Its very similar to a dreadful feeling or a bad feeling of anticipation (like the feeling you get when you are getting ready to get a beating from daddy) lol!

I am thinking back onto previous jobs and seeing my downfalls. What made me hate the jobs. What made me leave them? What made me not want to go back? I want to make the correct next job choice based upon these answers. Yes that's right I am quitting my job without having one in line before. I am okay with that because I have fallout plans and backup plans up the whazoo. I WILL NOT FALL ON MY FACE! I don't like falling, lol... I had a plan of going into teaching, a cooking teacher to be more specific. I would need to go back to college for another 4 years. There might be a loophole in there somewhere but I will into that more on my extended vacation. Before I go ahead and spend money and time going to school for another 4 years I would like to know if I would even like teaching. So, I venture into the world of substitute teaching. If I don't like it I saved myself money and time, if I do then I found a career!

On a side note, somebody asked me how many people I send my "Word 4 Today" to and I honestly didn't know. I went back and counted the number of recipients and it totaled 78! I was shocked that 78 people are inspired my my word every morning. I am planning on doing a weekend email of an extended "Word 4 Today" The time is finally here for the email! and if all goes well, it may turn into a weekday thing as well!

Oh I know I am probably the last person that needs to talk about weight, but I gained 12-14 lbs back in the Feb-March period. I don't know how or where but it pasted itself on me somewhere. I have changed my diet around and saw some results but they were temporary. I am now happy to say I am 3 pounds away from where I used to be, 155lbs!

Well its about time that I go start my last day of work, Y'all wish me luck!

Cupcake

I wanna make a shoutout to my baby cupcake! He has been there for me and i just wanna be the icing on him! I love you Shawn, aka Cupcake!

Church Folks, A Social Class?

I was sitting in the choir stand at church. I was thinking to myself about my behavior and the behavior of other church people while they are in church. After much thought, I have come to the realization that many people who call themselves christians tent to place themselves on pedestals! I fell victim to this as well! Let me explain this...

There are the church people that come to church to show off their money. You have the people that see what kind of hand out they can get (not talkin about the spirit either)! I can't forget the ones that come to sit and cause trouble with their backbiting and gossip! Oh what about the phony people that come to tell you one thing and as soon as you turn around they're doing exactly what they told you not to do! HYPOCRITES! The bosses of the church, you know the ones that really have NO AUTHORITY whatsoever, are the ones I roll my eyes at!

I really place myself in the gossip corner. Is it gossip if it is the truth? If it isn't I take it back lol! Seriously though I think you can separate the church from everyone else because I truly believe that they/we think believe they/we are better than everyone else because we have Jesus.

Can someone shed their opinion and let me know how you feel about this?

Anyone Can Cook!

I guess I have been feeling that maybe I couldn't handle myself in the kitchen the way I should. I haven't had much chance to shine like I want. I cont have opportunities to be creative. I have been cooking since I was in the 5th Grade and it seems as though I am taking a back burner instead of being front and center where all the attention is. I like attention!

In the Pixar movie, Ratatouille, there were multiple moments of inspiration and enlightenment that just seemed to slap me in the face. One of the most important concepts and ideals put forth in the movie is "anyone can cook"! Meaning that maybe everyone may not be an artist, but an artist can come from anywhere. I was examining myself throughout the whole movie and I must say there were many things in the movie I needed to hear. I am encouraged to be me and more original. While I will continue with my goal of being a cooking teacher, I will also endeavor on making a name for myself. I doubt that I will be the next Escoffier or an established chef in La Caesar Ritz Hotels, but who knows? I could end up better than them. All I have to do is try! This is what I haven't been doing, TRYING!!!

Moving on with business and onto another note, most of my close friends are aware that I am in search of a new place of employment. I am reaching out to the couples in relationships right now; does work schedule affect your relationships? I mean currently I work 6-3 and Shawn works 9-5. We both work Monday - Friday. My field doesn't exactly like to give weekends off lol. When I change jobs most likely it will be a night job with few, if any, weekends off. I need to know how ya'll deal with it. Please shoot me some suggestions!

So I plan on giving myself a vacation. I wish to set myself up with $2000 and place it on the side. This will cover my monthly expenses for two months, as well as gas money and $500 spending money. (I've worked on a budget before, I am sure this will be piece of cake!) I intend on taking the remainder of the summer off once I reach my goal of $2000. I need to relax and take some time for myself. If I can save up another G then maybe I will go on a cruise! I gotta hustle though... lol!

The Art of the Nose!

You know, the nose is a wonderful thing! Hmmm or is it? I mean its used for necessary day to day activities. activities like smelling are very important. it controls your appetite, effects your mood and emotions.

lets now talk about the physical aspect of it. The nose, most often times is the facial feature that portrudes from the face. here lies the problem, some of these noses poke out so far that they end up in other peoples business! I mean, they make pinnochio look GREAT! On last friday my cashier left work early. it was cool i covered her when she left. the dish washer so boldly stated, "when Rhashidah get in that courtroom, she better keep her big mouth shut if she knows whats good for her". i said that was alot! that was not even warranted lol. but its iight... i will keep my nose as slose to my face as possible. i am out for now, its gettin busy at work...

uhhh OMG

ok, so Shawn loves the sims... but I think I have an issue... As you can probably imagine I am in the game. I AM THE FUCKIN MISTRESS! Shawn is married with kids and I am who he creeps with. what kinda stuff is that... sigh of depression enters here...

Next on the plate is my dad. (exhale) my aunt caught my dad smoking weed like 3 to four weeks ago. less than 5 days ago, I believe on sunday, he was caught smokin it again by my lil cousin AND aunt. I have a thing with hypocracy. I DON'T LIKE HYPOCRITES!!! he sets a bad example for his family and poses as an upstanding christian man! I caught him smoking cigaretts, crack and found coke in my house... this shit is rediculous! he is 69 years old and I can't take this anymore! but I can't do anything to change him... its up to him to change. but at the same time he is mad old. despite my ill feelings toward him i don't wanna see him OD or come in the house and find him dead. sigh...

moving on... I had a dr's appointment today and everything checked out. Just a lil low on iron but not significantly low... I get to work and my boss sends me home. "there's no work for you to do now" GREAT (thats a sarcastic great if you didn't pick up on it) I am making this statement now, "I vow to shut his business down if he ever fires me"! I have enough shit on him to run his name into the mud. I know local news people and magezine writers that I will contact to get his name publicized. I swear to black list him and run his name into the ground. There is no fury like a black gay man scorned! Don't play with me!

final phase i am preparing to go the summer without a job... I figure I will need about $2000 till last until september. That will cover rent car note and insurance. I can finally focus more on my catering which will supply me with my gas money... 2 birds with one stone. relaxation and business venture... YAY

OKAY I'm ending here... I guess its alot written here... lol I think I got carried away... Oh Well... talk to ya'll later!

I started the post @ 11:30am, its now 3:42pm

my past week, let me recap! I worked all week, suffered from allergies starting on thursday, missed a 4sum, went to a bbq and got some head (thanks baby)! :-D

its been kinda boring lately. i have been lacking energy also... could be this dreadfully draining weather! sigh... i need some excitement and i need some soon. I wanna go to a sex party with shawn to see what its like. there is this freak that used to come out all the time before i met shawn. but now its tryin to come out.

ok now i am filling in for the deli girl (backstabber) because she went on vacation. this is the woman that told my boss to let me stay out a whole week... i was so bitter towards her for 2 days. i was gonna get her back. then i was reminded "vengence is mine, saith the lord"!

this has turned into a 3 hour post lol but back to a previous thought after many distractions (boss leaving work on emergency and cash register breaking running out of lettuce and sandwich wraps) so i'm liking the idea of the 4sum but i don't wanna share shawn, he's mine lol ALL MINE! I'm not against being adventurous, so ya'll shoot me some ideas and then maybe i can share some results ;-)

Just a Question

If you were getting ya booty eaten out and you really had to fart, what would you do?

&

What have you done or would do in the event of needing to use the bathroom while having sex?

I need answers...

lol

Oppurtunity Unfolds!

ok, so now that I have graduated, i have been back and fourth about changing jobs. I will not see a raise until september, which will be my year anniversary. While I would love to celebrate my anniversary (please note sarcasm), I would like to move on with my life and begin achieving my life goals.

So here is what happened... On this past friday I didn't feel well and I was moving very slow because I was tired. My boss sent me home out of disgust! Hell, I left! I went to the Dr's and he told me to relax and ordered bloodwork on Monday. So, I went Monday and almost passed out! I was terrified; my life flashed before my eyes as the room went dim... moving on (thats a whole other post in itself!) Yesterday, Tuesday, I still felt weak so I called out. He called around noontime and he instructed me to take the rest of the week off and come back on Monday with a Dr's note. I'm like WTF! I feel good today... but I will get a note and rest and use this week to find another job. I have resisted change for too long now. ITS TIME FOR A CHANGE!

I have now found a way to get around this complicated phone, once more, and laying in bed relaxing and sleeping late posting from my phone! how GREAT! I hope this means I will post more often...
Well I am going to finish this resume and go somewhere and print it out and go fill out some job applications and some places online too! Ya'll wish me luck. I'll let you know how it turned out...

I GRADUATED!!!!

Let me say first that initially I was not going to be going to my graduation. Secondly, I was in a bad mood for almost a month prior to graduation. I truly believe that it was my subconscious acting out without me knowing. Let me explain...

Graduation for me included my mother, closest family members and maybe some friends. It was like a lil' girls dream! lol I have always dreamed of what it would be like to graduate college and how i envisioned it, was nowhere how it actually happened. Momma is gone, obviously, my brother (oldest from my mother) is on vacation with his wife, the next youngest from him (eh he's OK lil weird) couldn't make it and that pretty much started the undercover mood. So i invited my dad. Without him, i mean his signature, i could not have finished when i finished. Next was my aunt (mom's sister) whom i wasn't speaking to often (due to my ring loss), Shawn, who was actually invited first (SHOUT OUT TO MA BABY), and Omar because he has a big heart and is always telling me stuff to help me out.

It was cool day though. I rushed home right after work to shower iron and get changed. I picked up my dad and aunt. Drove back to Newark NJPAC, where the graduation took place, and arrived "on time" and did nothing for an hour and a half! Shawn made a sign with my moms face on it and put a massage, "I am so proud of you Daniel" I saw it and I started to cry then I thought, why? I did what she and I wanted, I went to college and got my degree. I'M HAPPY!
Afterwards, I took the "fam" home and came back to Shawn's house. So ironic that i was speaking to him about confidence and while that was going on i was burning onion rings and smoking up the house lol. My next step will be to change jobs. I hate doing this... but I need to plan my next step. I wanted to transfer to NJCU (New Jersey City University) or Kean University majoring in secondary education with a minor in home economics and algebra. I need to know before hand if teaching is going to be my niche. Will I like it? This is where the job change comes in. I am looking to substitute teach to see if a have a thing for it. To see if I am good at it. If I ain't good at it, i don't want to waste four years of my life, not to mention money, going to school for it!

Well, I have a birthday party for 60 to cater for and i haven’t even gone shopping yet… I will talk to blogland later... TOODLES

What the Fuck?

You know, in my previous post I asked for simplicity. I asked for normalcy. what I got was a drawn sheet of paper filled with headaches and aggravation.

I am so upset right now and its over something so stupid. I don't understand how it happened or why its happening,but I'm not speaking to Shawn right now. He wants attention from me, then upsets me when I try to come give him some. He is bothered by me not showing concern over a text message that I got late. Then faulted me for not picking up on it when I was trying to studyfor my final,which was about a hour and a half after this phonecall.

To top it all off, Mother's Day is this Sunday and I have to go through another one without Mommy. It hasn't gotten any easier as time has passed. I am not transitioning well at all. This week is a continuing blow after blow. Its about to be a KO for real! I can't take much more.

I ask this question with sincerity and an inquisitive mind, "Why ME?"

I Just Don't Understand Why...

I don't Know why there always has to be drama. I don't know why there always has to be confusion. I am, plainly put, tired of all the extra that's in my life. I just want to have a normal life with normal family and have some normal friends. Is That so hard to ask?

It has happened, I have become bitter towards my dad, aunt and cousin. Neither one of them need to ask me for another dime. I am going to have some serious conversations with my family about some garbage that has been occurring lately.

1. Ring coming up missing
2. Additional income for rent not being shared equally
3. Bills in my name not being paid punctually. IE: cable bill and phone bill

I am simply tired of the nonsense. I am about to get to the point where I want to be left alone. Nobody, well most people, in my opinion, would not want to be alone. Its not a well feeling! But Its how I am feeling because I want some normalcy in my life! Some peace in my life! Some Happiness and Joy in my life!

I Just Don't Understand Why I Can't...