Maybe this post will make it and stay on the blog! I feel some sort of wierd way. I'm upset at myself for not thinking this whole thing through on Friday. I'm upset for not letting this be a team decision since it involved both of us. I'm upset that in an effort to spare shawn and I more hurt than necessary, I sent out a mass text that miscommunicated my thoughts because I was yet still confused. I was most upset that I couldn't explain myself and wasn't quite sure if I, myself, understood what I did and why I did it.
I retreated to my friends' place for shelter and comfort. Little do they know it but it served as my hospital. Don't try to bill me either, send it to Charity Care! They were the only two friends who were presently still available to talk to and cry on. I tried to make sense of the whole thing for the entire weekend. I thought and thought, then surfed the net for suggestions, hints, info and answers. I've found a plan!
A new and improved Fuzzy. I plan on going through physical, emotional, spiritual, nutritional, financial and motivational changes. I'm going to give myself a COMPLETE makeover! I am determined to be changed. Some that I have shared this with don't believe that I can do it. My only goal may seem distantly far, unreachable, illogical and unprobable but why do I always preach and get preached to about faith and hope if I never put it to action. Faith without works is dead! Faith moves God to move for you! I would be somewhat of a hypocrite if I didn't try and step out on my faith. Some of you may be lost but I wil inform you when time calls for it.
I have finally (seemed like an age in time) spoken to Shawn. I have shared this plus more. I was so taken back when he told me he was drunk. I tried to act like it was alright but I felt it wasn't on so many levels. Please don't give up your morals and beliefs in a fit of pain and anguish. Funny coming from me because I do drink sometimes and wanted to get drunk but refused to drink while in that state. I'm surprised that the friends he was with alowed this to happen. Its whatever tho (sure I'll get a nice comment or two for that phrase)!
I'll keep you updated on my status and progress.
Not in digression, marching on with progression. I'll be new and better than ever!
Fuzzy
11 years ago
15 thoughts:
FOR THE RECORD "I" WAS NOT THERE. I dont know what happen either. I understand though, an YES the mass text was a bit much especially the way it was worded, it was like you were saying bye to us all. but neither here nor there. Good luck on your journey. Bring me back a souvenir. lol
I still don't get it. Still don't understand why this journey is minus shawn. Don't understand this new fuzzy that is going to be new without shawn. Hell I understand the need for change in order to better yourself, just don't understand why shawn is not apart of it. But before anyone else says it, its not for me to understand. Shawn seems to understand and really, as long as u 2 have an understanding, I guess that's all that matters.
On another note, you were not the only one upset to hear shawn drunk. Even though I tried to talk him out of it, he had a couple on friday, not even tipsy. Not sure what they did to him on saturday, but they all heard my mouth.
Drunk yes...upset NO! LoL. Hell if the boy wants to drink, let him drink, however, being that he's not a drinker, a simple Sprite with ice would have sufficed! LMAO.
Ummmmmmm...I read the blog. Don't really understand but it's not my place to understand. Ya'll know my motto. "Shit happens". It's unfortunate when it does but one things for certain in this life...shit does happen. One thing I task you to do Fuzz is not to get so caught up in this great migration towards the NEW Fuzz that you forget to be the Fuzzy that everyone loves. Often times a complete overhawl of a person can diminish the 'CHARACTER' of a person. Change can sometimes be good, but 'confidence' and 'character' are what's important in life.
1 luv,
~Damnit!
you at a crossroads but I do feel
this is an unfinished chapter....
so you will be down that road
again......manchild
You can do whatever you put your mind to and I stand behind you one hundred percent. Sometimes I wish I could put myself under Construction, but being perfect, and I mean Mary Poppins Perfect, there is little room for improvement. It's kind of sad really, but we love you Fuzzy. Thanks for sharing.
Not sure what happened but both of you are my sweethearts yet there is nothing wrong with SPACE, GROWTH, AND CHANGE...
CHANGE IS ALWAYS GOOD...JUST ALLOW YOUR SPIRIT TO DO THE CHANGE AND NOT BY FORCE...
EVERYTHING WILL FALL INTO PLACE
Well said Jay. This journey is not for us to understand. I too wish you well in your journey to finding Daniel. If not not, then at some point, we will all take some type of drastic measure along life's path to happiness. My mom has a saying that two mountains may never meet but two people will. In saying that unlike mountains, which are stagnant, we continuously move in life. I know this will sound harsh but, sometimes we have to drop of passengers and pick them up at other points along the way to our destination. And as a pastor once preached that everyone is not meant to be everywhere in your life. Unfortunately, that include spouses at times.
I have a great respect for Shawn and Daniel and hope that they find happiness in life together or apart. I wish the both the best that life has to offer and as we meet on the upside of this journey, like X i expect a souvenir.
We all get to that point in life where we feel like we have to do some soul searching. I wish you the best Fuzzy; you're still my friend.
And about Shawn drinking, I already talked with him directly about it. This is a non-issue.
Fuz,
May you achieve all of your goals and dreams. Take care of youself and contniue to be the person whom you desire to be. Continue to make a effort to stay in touch with us all.
Faith moves God to move in you!
Where there is faith there is hope and I have faith that you and Shawn will emerge from this the very best of friends because you already are. Only one element of the friendship has changed.
As you elevate to a new level you will take your friends along and they will elevate with you.
God speed!
Everyone if that are about growth must come to a point that they want change and change has to occur. I have been there myself. The best advice I can give you is along your road to a better you, and "NOT A NEW YOU" make sure you have some cheerleaders in your corner that will push you when you can't push yourself. Progression is never easy by yourself, but positive people that support your vision and dream makes the journey a hell of alot easier.
4wallz
Not sure I understand this post completely but you gotta do what your heart tells you do to better yourself. Part of me wants to shake you Fuzzy and tell you "Go get your MAN!" but that would be too simple.
since there was speak of souvenirs I would like a pen, one of those that flashes! 8-)
This sounds like you are changing because something is wrong with you. Nutritional? are you sick? Alot of change going on here. while change is good, this is like a massive makeover that Miss Jay might gag at! From your friends comments you seem to be fine the way you are. why go through all of this? I just hope you know what you are doing and you are going in the right direction!
Good luck to you...for those of us oblivious to the background of all of this, it's impossible to comment either way. Well, as long as you know wassup, it's all that matters.
good luck. hope all goes well...it's about time you got it together gurllll! lol sike nah for real do ya thang...
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