Christmas 2007 and So On...

I figure I would start with the Christmas Party. I failed to get pics of the food, but it’s cool because Most of it was eaten! I had a spread of food including, garlic mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, sausage with peppers & onions, ziti with beef, turkey flavored collard greens, string beans, turkey, ham, fresh garden salad, pasta salad with shrimp & broccoli, cherry cheesecake, red velvet cake, and brownies. Thank You Trackstar for the cheesecake and red velvet cake! I wanted to get everyone a gift for Christmas, Like I usually do, but my money just wasn't there. I did it last year, so I said I will do it again this year! What I do best is your Christmas present! They came, they ate and were merry! Lets remember:

The day of the party, my brother did an impromptu stop through my house! I was like okay, there will be a house full of gay people here and my brother is just chillin. This isn't going to work, but he soon left. Out of the clear blue sky he stops through again while I am finishing up everything! I am like great! Again, he leaves, but bumps into trackstar on the way out... sigh (I knew I was gonna hear something later on about this)! "I'm not good enough to be invited to your party?" Our relationship is borderline, on thin ice, or on pins and needles, whichever you prefer, at the moment. I don't wish to talk to him, nor do I wish to hear his opinion on anything! IT’S ALWAYS UNWARRANTED! I will attempt to respond, but I will no longer initiate conversation with him until I am comfortable!

Must I stress again my no sugar rule? Do I have to remind people that I hate hypocrites? Say what you want and be a man about it and stop being a bitch! Sorry to sound harsh, but I was told to stop texting a certain number to "help reduce the number of texts to my blackberry". I said fine, even though I sent about 20 texts in a month span! I come to find out, since this happened after the breakup, he just wanted to delete my number and not speak to me again! I am fine with that, but don't pussyfoot your way around it, speak up and stop being a bitch about it and say what you want! I so wanna shout his name out but I will not. I will erase him from my life just like he deleted me from his blackberry!

I feel bad because I wanted to have a fun Christmas. I wanted to be active, doing things with people that bring energy and no problems. I left my house and came over to Newark to be with MY Shawn! I promised him I would be there for Christmas and I didn't know how, but I made it. As a result, my dad was alone. I tried to call and the line was busy. I called again and it went to voicemail and apparently the voicemail was full. I was enjoying myself and didn't want to stop. I don't regret being away, I just feel sad that I wasn't able to speak to him on Christmas to wish him a merry Christmas. At this very moment, I get a text from my brother asking did I see him for Christmas. I ignored, then he called and ignored that also! I will call back later and have my backbone ready to deal with him and all of his mouth!

I got the main thing I wanted, which was attention, smiles, and fun! the tangible stuff I got was a neato oven, a pressing machine (two items a cook can appreciate), cookie sutra (i have to dive into that to see what that is about), a Shrek poster book (little things count with me), and Shrek the 3rd, BBQ set, dough press (more cooking items), slippers, wireless keyboard and mouse, and a few other things my mind can't quite grasp on at the moment! I was blessed and I feel blessed.

My car is grounded before I could have it for a year! I am attempting to stay positive about it all, but it is real hard. I have always had a car since I was 17 and all of a sudden poof! I'm still paying for it! I will press forward and onward. This will be an adventure! On one of my first adventures I decided to initiate a photo shoot! Check it out and Happy Holidays:

As of Late...

I wanted to do something new because I have tried spreading my blog out to new readers...

["Do you want to fuck me?" "Yesssss" "Really? Are you sure?"]

I guess I never would of thought I would be the one to talk in my sleep. Apparently, have desires and I respond to my surroundings while I am sleep. I am even grammatically correct! A witness accounted for these events and quoted me word for word on the three above. There are more instances through my lifetime, none believed until now. SIGH What to do? I think this is a sleeping disorder, I might need professional help!

I need a Christmas outfit... I don't know what to buy, or maybe how I will buy... . I need to make a wish list for Christmas, but there is a small problem. I don't know what I want. I was asked and I don't think I was able to come up with 5 things. Let me try again:

• Parappa tha Rappa for PSP
• USB Bluetooth Adapter for PC
• Digital Camera
• 22" Gold Chain
• The Contemporary Encyclopedia of Herbs and Spices: Seasonings for the Global Kitchen by: Tony Hill

Wow, I actually was able to think of 5! Moving on...

I went into a hospital today. This is a big accomplishment because since the passing of my mother, I have had a fear of them. I did NOT want to go but I had to be there for my friend. I had to show my support. Life is so very short and I would never thought I would of seen my 27 year old friend laying there with a tube down his throat breathing for him. I had a flashback to my mother. She died with a tube down her throat. I left the room. But I went in! That's the most important part.

I broke up my first fight in school on Friday, then the next period I had to break up another. What a week, but a week full of work! I am happy! I pray for the same this week! My house will be crowded again. We will see how this will work. Hamburger Helper here we come! LOL

New pics coming soon!!!

Rantfully Me!

I was subbing on yesterday and I was covering one period for a teacher that had been called out to the library. I was walking around in an attempt not to be bored. I came across a poster with grammer symbols and I just happen to come across a familiar symbol [...]. I said to myself, "hmmmm". I copied the word "ellipsis" and its explanation: This punctuation mark is also called a suspension point, points of ellipsis, periods of ellipsis, or colloquially, dot-dot-dot. An ellipsis is sometimes used to indicate a pause in speech, an unfinished thought or, at the end of a sentence, a trailing off into silence. I have adopted a new saying with my no sugar rule called "dot dot dot"! I use it when I don't want to hurt you with information that may seem harsh or whether you are asking me something that I may not be able to share because of confidentiality. This is my saying and I didn't even know it was destined to be mine, take notice to my blog name"I Wonder..."! Its in me and it was something I didn't steal from anyone's personality!

I am happy that I can open my door to friends and family that are in need of a place to stay. I don't have much room, but out of the kindness of my heart I want to help those that need help. In the dreaded event that I need a place to stay, I would hope that one of my family members or friends would take me in also. I keep in mind the "it is more of a blessing to give than to receive" concept.

I had a conversation about "beatins" in child rearing, and I asked my study hall about this and I was surprised that some black kids said they don't get beatings and more of the white kids said they do get beat! Is the balance shifting? The white ones seemed to be more polite and respectful and the black ones were loud and rambunctious. When did this shift occur? Why and how did it occur? Why are more and more black families not beatin' their children?

I have a view and opinion about many problems that this country faces. I think it all is the parents fault. Instead of parents being parents they are trying to be their friend. Instead of parents providing structure they allow the children to run all over them! Discipline is not applies soon enough to enforce the parents authority. Choice is given to kids way to early and freedom is no longer a luxury. What is your opinion?

At The Seams

How I wish that my Christmas could be like this. A very special Christmas. It doesn't look like it will come my way.

Christmas has always been one filled with family and fun with good times. I remember the singing, the gift exchanges, the games, the food, the laughing and good times shared.

This Christmas, my sis-in-law has been checked into a mental facility. My mother and I called it, that she was crazy before my brother and her even married, and nobody listened. My brother is going through and I can't be there for him because I am not financially able to travel. My heart goes out to him and his situation and having to deal with a child that has special needs and a wife that has gone off the deep end. I wanna be there but can't.

My closest brother and I haven't communicated with each other since the Sunday after Thanksgiving. I think I am losing my connection with him as a grow in other areas. Its not quite fair that I have to exclude him because of his opinions and viewpoints and accusations. His religious title is talking to me and I don't need a minister to talk to I need a BROTHER. I think our relationship is on a downward spiral and there is no rebuilding it from here...

My dad STILL gets high and jerks off and continues to distance himself from me in his high moments. I don't know how to get to him and it is getting to the point where I am not sure if I want to get to him. He is hurting himself and me too! my heart is becoming hardened. This time of year, why? Its not fair!

All I want is a snowy Christmas, with family there enjoying each other's company like we once used to do not too long ago! How I long for a Christmas that is together with family with no drama. My family is falling apart at the seams and I can't sew it up fast enough. I know I can't be the one to fix everything all of the time, but that's what Mom did and I am the most like her and feel like I have to try. If I don't there will be no family ties left!

I look at the poor condition of the bonds in my family, and I start to fall apart at the seams. I got to enjoy a great movie last night and actually teared up because my family, which was at one time almost picture perfect, is no longer a fairy tale. I Got mad at someone very close to me off of something so minor because of the humor and the fun side of me. I am on edge and I need to smooth out. I have to keep it together, somehow, someway. Oh, SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY...

Will this Christmas be a very special Christmas for me?

Trail of Cum

I unbuttoned my shirt, button by button. What is now revealed is a six-pack of abs and a nicely sculpted chest that could be seen through a skin-tight wife beater. I looked down to notice to nipple prints coming through the shirt. I felt my chest to feel my stomach. I was feeling myself. Turning myself on!

I sat on my bed, to take my shoes and socks off. Once both feet lay parallel to the floor, my eyes are fixed on another leg that is in the air. Halfway down my thigh, reaching down the left pant leg, was a massive muscle. Jumping ever so forceful but gentle. It had came out of my underwear, but I caressed it slightly, only enough to feel its girth from base to tip. I got a feeling of excitement as my dick took one more leap in efforts to break through the seams of my pants. I imprisoned it back into my underwear.

I stood to my feet, unbuckled my belt and unfastened my slacks. The 'clack' of my belt buckle hit the floor after my pants slid down my legs. I leaned over to look at my dual color gray bikini briefs. They were light gray with slight dark gray detail where the head of my dick had leaked a gracious amount of precum. There was a trail, enough to believe that I had bust something desired before intended! My dick was throbbing begging for an escape. The dark gray trail grew longer and wider and I pulled off the beater and started rubbing on my nipples. OOOOhhhhh!!!

I laid down legs spread eagle and licked my left index finger to rub my nipple and was caressing my dick and rolling the low hanging balls. Moaning slightly I reached in and tried to grab hold and tame the leaking beast. It was warm and still throbbing. I slid my briefs off and laid on the bed completely naked. Slowly jerkin my dick ad the volcano teased me by slightly overflowing. An eruption was there, right on the tip and I let loose. The long snake jumped in every direction uncontrollably. Not quite...

I reached on the side of the bed and grabbed the black Castro dong! It was thick and dark and ever so long! I lubed up with my favorite lube Eros and placed Castro's head at the door of my ass. Gently knocking, repeatedly i finally let him in. Further and further he came, I was moaning in complete enjoyment. My dick was so hard it couldn't move and you could see every vein protrude from the sides. I continued increased speed and my ass swallowed it every time. "Ohhh Ohhh OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH", I moaned!

I grabbed a hold on my dick, while still feeding my ass with Castro's Dick. Ecstasy, pure ecstasy! Two strokes and I felt the bed shaking. My body moving in tremors. With a pump of Castro and a stroke of my hand, ERUPTION! The first hit was my eyes and nose followed by a full trail of cum leading back to my dick. Cum all over my neck, chest and stomach. My body ejected Castro and I loved every minute of it!