How I wish that my Christmas could be like this. A very special Christmas. It doesn't look like it will come my way.
Christmas has always been one filled with family and fun with good times. I remember the singing, the gift exchanges, the games, the food, the laughing and good times shared.
This Christmas, my sis-in-law has been checked into a mental facility. My mother and I called it, that she was crazy before my brother and her even married, and nobody listened. My brother is going through and I can't be there for him because I am not financially able to travel. My heart goes out to him and his situation and having to deal with a child that has special needs and a wife that has gone off the deep end. I wanna be there but can't.
My closest brother and I haven't communicated with each other since the Sunday after Thanksgiving. I think I am losing my connection with him as a grow in other areas. Its not quite fair that I have to exclude him because of his opinions and viewpoints and accusations. His religious title is talking to me and I don't need a minister to talk to I need a BROTHER. I think our relationship is on a downward spiral and there is no rebuilding it from here...
My dad STILL gets high and jerks off and continues to distance himself from me in his high moments. I don't know how to get to him and it is getting to the point where I am not sure if I want to get to him. He is hurting himself and me too! my heart is becoming hardened. This time of year, why? Its not fair!
All I want is a snowy Christmas, with family there enjoying each other's company like we once used to do not too long ago! How I long for a Christmas that is together with family with no drama. My family is falling apart at the seams and I can't sew it up fast enough. I know I can't be the one to fix everything all of the time, but that's what Mom did and I am the most like her and feel like I have to try. If I don't there will be no family ties left!
I look at the poor condition of the bonds in my family, and I start to fall apart at the seams. I got to enjoy a great movie last night and actually teared up because my family, which was at one time almost picture perfect, is no longer a fairy tale. I Got mad at someone very close to me off of something so minor because of the humor and the fun side of me. I am on edge and I need to smooth out. I have to keep it together, somehow, someway. Oh, SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY...
Will this Christmas be a very special Christmas for me?
16 thoughts:
a snowy christmas? i loved green grass at thinksgiving.. if al gore is protesting that, he can stick that Nobel peace prize right up his ass.
as far as turning yourself on.. well when you masturbate it is the only time you can be sure that u are making love to someone who truly loves you :)
Wow fuzzy u got me all emotional. We are your new family. We can't replace the old 1 but we can give u that thing u need to keep u afloat. If u need some cash if I got it u got ur like fam real talk. Holidays are coming an I'm going to see to it that u have the best christmas ever an we gone bring the new year in right. Time for a new "CLOTH". No more sewing at the seams. Love You Man. I hope I understood this post correctly. I'm blogging from my phone can't see the pic attach to the post.
Life a trip aint it,my fams is
trippin out too...and I was all
broken up rememberin what used to
be..until I remembered that
christmas is what you yourself
make it....and dont let nobody
steal your joy...manchild
You need a good relationship, when everything isn't working out you need a good man their to keep u afloat and stable...trust me on this
but you wanting to help out your family isn't gonna be easy but it's noble and if there's a God he'll help u along the way...no doubt in my mind
Oh my I can soo relate to you... .I feel the same way although I don't have these types of problems...I realize that I can't fix everything and if family want to stick together they will. I found that I just have to look out for my immediate family, the family that GOD gave me (Kids, husband) and all I can do is continue to pray for them and leave them in GODS hands while I continue to show them love although in my heart I am aching.
I wish things were better for you and your family, and I wish I could say something profound. Keep your head up and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Fuzzy, I know how you feel. I lost my grandmother and brother-in-law 3 years ago this time of year. My family is sort of disconnected too. My grandmother held us all together and her place was the central meeting place for us all. That's gone now. Do what you can to hold your family together. Sometimes just a phone call to say hello can make a big difference. In your mind picture your family having a happy christmas.
Hey Fuz,
I got your text. I can realte to your blog. Life seems to bring us challenges that only God can take us through. I will be praying for you and your familiy that you all will find your way to each other. I wish you all the best this hoilday season and much joy. Keep your head up. You will make it.
Everything will work out for your good.
You live in Jersey right? Well you have a great chance of the white Christmas. Keep your head up.
We have already talked about this.
You knew that I have always tried to make your birthdays and holidays super grand so that you wouldn't be sad... but nothing replaces family.
At some point, your going to have to create a new experience, one that involves peace of mind, joy, and love.
And also, I apologize... and forgive you.
quit being a spoiled baby. People come and go and life goes as it goes. Stop trying to delay the inevitable. You CAN'T be the glue that fixes everything like yo momma did because YOU ARE NOT YO MOMMA!!!
The sooner you accept the idea that things are gonna happen out of your control and you can't save the world, the sooner you will be normal!
stevie wonder said:
smile, 'cause life is going to be hat it is. there are brighter days ahead.
You got me all emotional too, fuzzy. Come on to Dallas. My family is crazy, but we will welcome you with open arms.
i can kinda relate i wish that me and my family celebrated the holidays how we used to with the whole tree trimming and fun games and singing but its just not happening with my fam but i have learned u gotta make the best of a bad situation with the people you surround yourself with so so enjoy the holidays with your adopted family (whomever you feel is included in that which i betta be ...)
Know youre not alone in your familial plight. As someone said in your comments at some point you have to create your own new family.
It is however sad when we grow apart from those we love/loved so dearly.
I feel your pain and I have just one thing to share with you and that is experience... I too was once part of a very loving and close family then all of a sudden death of my parents and the family went their seperate ways, it hurts me when I spend holidays along, but I have made it thus far, friends are great, but as your friend shawnqt stated: nothing replaces the love of family. Keep in mind friends are family too. be strong and take good care of yourself.
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