Rob Called Me...

... to say good night

I definitely got no sleep last night. All I could think about was how I could let myself become so involved with someone who is thousands of miles away. How Could I let myself get mixed up into this messy shit and feel this magnitude about it! Its a super "SMH" moment and 'm definitely not proud about it.

I took a shift on my day off to occupy some of my time that was just empty space wondering the most and thinking the worst. Before I went in, I tried to sort out some delivery foolishness with DHL and USPS. I ordered a contactless card reader, I think that's what it's called, and Square Inc sent it via DHL to USPS. I was sent to be delivered this past Tuesday and records show that it was actually delivered. Problem is, I DON'T HAVE MY PACKAGE! After calling number after number with DHL, I was finally referred to USPS to follow up with them. I sat on hold and was transferred to several departments and finally reached an automated recording telling me that I needed to file some sorta form online or at a local Post Office branch to go forward and expect to wait the minimum of 3 business days. That did not fly well with me at all. Then I tried to call Square back on my way to work and they wanted some stupid number that  didn't have time to pull over and record and enter into their automated system. So I was super pissed that you need some stupid number to get past some automated tele prompt recording to speak to a live representative.

So I clock into work and the BS happened immediately. There was a call out and they greeted me at the door with "do you wanna work tonight?" That's gonna be a super hard no! One of the servers is sick and can't come in. Said she was vomiting all over the place. Funny when my black ass was here this past Tuesday vomiting nobody gave two left shits about my health! You all can kick rocks in toe socks for all I care! In the next breath and sentence, "I hope she feels better though!"

After work I further occupy my time by trying to fix a botched up order from Office Depot. That's was worked out and now I'm on my way home. Then a couple I was getting to know from before sends me a message saying we're back in town, come meet us. I said Sure! Rob is doing whatever he's doing, I guess I may as well join the party. So I went. It was 5:30pm and I have returned back at home at 11:30pm. I enjoyed myself, tasted some great nut and will definitely head back, as they live only 3 blocks away!

I'm sure you're wondering why I'm so beat over Rob if I'm out frolicking with a married couple. I'm in the place where Rob has at least one of my heart strings and while I'm releasing tension and stress I'm thinking about Rob. I'm thinking about how can I expect sexual morals from him when I'm out here being reckless. I honestly don't know the answer. What I do know is that even after the awesome night I had, and the drinks that I drink and they even made me awesome dinner, all I could think about was Rob.

Thinking maybe I'll call him tonight...

Just Keep Wondering...

Messy

I met Rob back in maybe 2012. We had a personal meeting and then he came to a few of my sex parties. There was talk of us trying to be together but I was still with Gabe. I had this crazy notion of not breaking up with someone just to be with someone else. In retrospect, I feel that I should have done it. I might have saved myself much grief, but in exchange I would not have been the guy that he calls special at the current day.

We continued to be friends and sex buddies through the years and it was awesome. This past summer, of 2018, we were reunited. During this reunion, he was introduced to a friend of mine. Let's call him Hiro, because he's a bit awkward, lol! Nothing much was thought when Hiro and Rob exchanged information. Moving forward, in November things begin to heat up. I've begun to see what kinda guy Rob is and I'm extremely interested in getting to know more personal details about him. He fascinates me and I haven't been fascinated in a VERY long time. In the beginning of 2019, we made the decision to go forward in whatever "this" was shaping into. We're both excited and I feel as though, despite him living in California (yes i said it correctly California), I have a real shot at something I've been searching for. Then I get a phone call...

"Hey, how are you?", asked Rob. "I'm great babe, how are you? Whats up?", I replied. "I'm chillin. I need to tell you something", said Rob. I responded with, "Sounds juicy!" He said, "I hope you don't get upset. Please don't be upset..." I interrupted, "Just say it!" Hesitantly he says, "I've been meaning to tell you that Hiro is coming to see me next week." I asked why this was happening and he only said that he was visiting. I feel like because he didn't want me to be upset i had a reason to be upset. So I started fishing and asking questions. I asked if they were planning on having sex and the response was, "would I be mad if it happened?" Now, I'm mad!

He goes on to say that he doesn't want there to be any drama because he doesn't like drama. I'm not a messy guy but this has a great potential to get hella messy and I'm just not ready or prepared for this situation to south. As I'm prolly the only one that's stressed out and losing sleep and consoling with a bottle.

To put my feelings at some sort of rest, I communicate that he needs to tell Hiro that we are talking and how serious this is between us. We haven't established that we are together but we have agreed that that is what we're working toward. If he can't communicate this that there's no real reason in pursuing more. He told Hiro and there was no change or reaction or even any comment from him to me afterward and he's continued with his trip to see who will be my man. Or maybe that won't happen!

The situation has gotten to the point that I am the only one really who would see the most lost because I am the most vested. Worst case scenario, I get to see Hiro with Rob and see Rob not with me. This would result in me not wanting to deal with any of them as that's something that would cause heartache, because I am already vested. Best case scenario is nothing is actually happening in California between them two and they are just hanging out. Knowing Hiro, my mind is just playing the worst record over and over again! Makes me sad and makes me angry and I no longer have Jimmy to comment on the situation because he's the mutual friend between Hiro and I. He doesn't want a fallout with him as the innocent bystander. I understand it but now I'm left with blogger which in 2019 with my followers (if any) is a one sided conversation.

Rob is calling...

Just Keep Wondering...

It's been over 2 years!

I'd like to say that there are so many things to catch you up on, but there really isn't. I'm still an employee at Chili's. I still live in Elizabeth, NJ. I still drive a VW GTI. I'm still single. I'm still many things. So you might ask, what brings Fuzzy onlye to write us if nothing has really changed? Well, my friends have changed a bit.

Jay, my best friend, has decided that he was going to be super disrespectful to me a group chat with friends involved. I called him out it and I was called a bitch. He then decided that he was going to ignore me for two months and talk shit about me to our mutual friend in UK. I don't have any alleged proof of this "shit talk", but when we had our conversation he was completely aware of what was happening.

Black Travis, my roommate, is drinking at most times when i need a friend and winds up falling asleep when I need to get some words in. Ahhh... y'all don't know... I got a roommate and well that's that! Maybe more to share at a later time.

Jimmy, who has grown to be one of my closest friends, has chosen to become neutral in a romantic matter I am having with someone in California who may or may not be involved with a mutual friend of ours. This, my readers, is why I am up at almost 2am in the morning typing.

More to come in a series of posts to be published at 2am each day over the course of the next week. Until then...

Just Keep Wondering...