I'm greater than what I'm in!

"Got what I needed! Got what I needed! I went to a meet one night, got what I need now I feel alright."

I am just walking in from a revival at Hart Street Park, in Rahway, NJ. It was one of those round the way parks where there is grass and swings, but tonight the Lord was there in a mighty way.

For clarity, I was invited to a musical and walked into a revival. Let me digress just a little bit... It was revealed to me last night in an online conversation that I was messed up and I had a melting pot of ingredients (emotions, scars, circumstances, problems, disappointments, and situations) mixing with each other. It was effecting everything that I touched and held close to me. I had a moment where I broke down and showed all. I thought to myself, why me? Its the name of my blog, "I wonder", which is openly asking the question: Why me?

As I come back to my initial points, I realized when I made up my mind to serve Jesus, that's when all hell broke loose! "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation , or distress, or persecution..." When I became connected with him, those different spirits fell on me. But since I am connected with Christ, the word of the lord speaks, "greater is he that is in me, than he that is in the world" I have come to the realization that with Christ in me, I am greater than any situation that I am in or could ever be in. I smiled a smile tonight that wasn't forced but that came naturally. I have taken comfort in knowing that because God allowed me to be in these situations, it is meant for me to come out victorious.

Its funny how certain things happen and certain events come to pass that work together. Maybe not for the believers' benefit, but for the unbelievers who are looking and observing from afar that they be effected. I am encouraged because today, through all my disgust at my job, somebody came up to me and asked, "How do I deal with my work hardships in such a great way?" I told him, "I had a talk with Jesus. I told him about my troubles. I have faith in knowing that this is only a bad season and my good season is on the way!" Little did I know it but at that point was when I started feeling better from last night. I'll let you know when my good season comes around. Ty, Derron, Shawn, and Omar, will you cut a step with me when it comes? It feels right to end with a song since I started with one...

"...Just a closer walk with Thee, Precious Jesus, hear my plea, Daily walking close to Thee, Let it be, dear Lord, let it be."

My help comes when?

There are times
When I look above
And beyond
There are times when I feel your love
Around me mommy
I'll never forget my mommy
(I'll never forget you)

There are times when I look above and beyond
There are times when I feel your love around me mommy
I'll never forget my mommy

When I feel that I don't belong
Draw my strength
From the words when you said
Hey its about you baby
Look deeper inside you baby

Dream about us together again
What I want us together again mommy
I know we'll be together again cuz

Everywhere I go
Every smile I see
I know you are there
Smilin' back at me
Dancin in moonlight
I know you are free
Cuz I can see your star
Shinin down on me

(together again, ooh)- Good times well share again
(together again, ooh)- Makes me wanna dance
(together again, ooh)- Say it loud and proud
(together again, ooh)- All my loves for you

Always been a true angel to me
Now above
I can't wait for you to wrap your wings around me mommy
Oooh wrap them around me mommy

Sometimes hear you whisperin'
No more pain
No worries will you ever see now mommy
I'm so happy for my mommy

Dream about us together again
What I want us together again mommy
I know we'll be together again cuz

Everywhere I go
Every smile I see
I know you are there
Smilin' back at me
Dancin' in moonlight
I know you are free
Cuz I can see your star
Shinin down on me

(together again, ooh)- Good times well share again
(together again, ooh)- Ooh it makes me wanna dance
(together again, ooh)- Say it loud and proud
(together again, ooh)- All my loves for you

There are times when I look above and beyond
There are times when I feel you smile upon me mommy
I'll never forget my mommy

What I'd give just to hold you close
As on earth
In heaven we will be together mommy
Together again my mommy

Everywhere I go, Every smile I see
I know you are there, Smilin back at me
Dancin in moonlight, I know you are free
Cuz I can see your star Shinin down on me

Originally written by Janet Jackson. I changed the words (baby to mommy) of the song because I thought about my mother when I heard it on the radio while I was coming home from work today. I have been thinking more and more about her in the past couple of days and I guess it as been getting to me more than usual. Every thing that I go by on the streets reminds me of a memore of her. A gentleman asked me today if I wanted to ever move out of the state of New Jersey. I told him yes! seems like as long as I am in this area I am reminded of her. As much as I am glad she ascended into a place where she wouldn't even think about returning here, I terribly miss her every day that goes by. It is supposed to get easier but it seems as though it is getting harder and harder to deal with my loss. I sit here, with tears running rapid down my face, wishing for some sort of comfort. All the words that have been extended to me have comforted me in the least bit. I pray that God comfort me and to soothe my spirit. I am sincere with that prayer because I'm drowning and I need help!

I dont know whether to look at this in a good way or a bad way. I had a conversation about my "straightness" on myspace. This person told me that they wouldn't add me as their friend because I had straight on my profile. It was brought to my attention that the orientatioin is optional on the page, so why did I choose to to place straight on there? There's alot of people on myspace that I knew in the past and know presently. By placing otherwise or not indicating, makes me look guilty of something I dont want to be judged by. Am I wrong for placing straight on my profile? Send thoughts and opinions...

Klein Sexual Orientation Grid

I scored an average of 4.14

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

Heterosexual

Bisexual

Homosexual

Meaning

This result can also be related to the Kinsey Scale:


0 = exclusively heterosexual
1 = predominantly heterosexual, incidentally homosexual
2 = predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual
3 = equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 = predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual
5 = predominantly homosexual, incidentally heterosexual
6 = exclusively homosexual


Take the quiz

My Expectation

I am attending my annual AIM (Auxiliaries in Ministry) Conference this week. On this previous weekend, I made a statement to Shawn about myself and receiving a blessing this week. I told him that I don't know what or how but this week something is going to happen to me. I'm going into this week believing that God has something in store for me. In a previous post, I spoke of my dedication to the choir at the state meetings.

On this morning, I checked my checking account after I looked at my gas tank (both almost empty) and I thought to myself, "I don't get paid until Friday morning." I became concerned about how I was going to make it to work and church all week long. I began to pray and asked for a way. I got home and found the apartment in a bit of a disarray and I straightened it up, then sat down and took a nap. I woke up and went to the kitchen table saw some mail for me from Commerce Bank (my statement), which I thought I threw it away. I picked it up and walked upstairs and checked my e-mail (another blessing). I opened the letter and saw that the bank charged me a fee which I wasn't supposed to be charged. I called them up and spoke to an agent. She told me that she couldn't get my money back to me, and that it was my fault why I was charged. I had given up and was getting ready to say thank you and good-bye. Then I asked whether there was somebody else that might be able to reverse the fees and just to show you how God works, the fee was reversed PLUS I have a little bit extra back into my account.

I just had to tell the goodness of God. The last time I looked at my statement from my bank was last year. I think I might check more often now! Keep that the faith of that mustard seed and see what mountain you can move!

Ty's Aspire Creative Challenge

The theme for this previous weeks Creative Challenge was a "Dear Diary" entry. One of those things you would write in your diary and probably will not ever tell anybody else kinda deal! Well here is mine:

Dear Diary,

I can’t believe that I’m about to write this. I am even embarrassed that I actually did this. Let me tell you what my day was like today. It was a sunny humid very hot day in the beginning of July. I had just gotten outta 8^th grade for summer break. Anyway, I think the temperature must have reached around a hundred. I really didn’t care how hot it was but only that it was hot. I asked mom if I could go ride my bike at Rahway Park. She told me to be careful and to take a bottle, for water. I got on my bike and off I went to Rahway Park.

When I got to the park I zoomed down the entrance hill on the bike pathway. I love riding fast on my bike. Once you reach that certain speed and you get this air in your face that cools you off as if you were in an air conditioned room. It felt great! After passing the walkers, joggers, runners, skaters, and even some bikers about five or six times, I got a lil tired. I took that bottle that I brought with me and stopped at the snack shop in the middle of the park.

I walked on the side of the shop, the part that is sheltered, right across the walkway from the restrooms. There I sat and cooled off by drinking my water in the shade. I saw this guy; I knew he was from the high school. He was good looking and I was a lil attracted to him. I followed him to the restroom. I looked at him up and down and then left and right upon entering the restroom. I walked up to the non-divided urinals, where he was currently peeing, and started to do my thing. I looked next to me and there he was. It was a hand that gripped his penis like he was going to jerk it. I thought to myself he’s got a nice long dick, just a lil longer than mine! Right after I thought it I said it out loud. He turned to me as he was shaking preparing to leave and said, “Thanks…” I was dumbfounded. Speechless even! Then he said on his way out the door in a momentary glance at me, “…so do you!” I had just walked up to a complete stranger and complimented his dick, then got a compliment in return! I’m going to sleep a happy man!

-Da Shi Fu

Da Shi Fu was the nickname that i was given by my brother. His streetname was Fu Chili and he thought that I was going to be just like him and hang on the streets when I got older. He was kinda wrong! but none the less, he liked the name and continued to call me that till high school when my "friends" gave me another nickname. I think I've said enough, until the next post.

Just an idea

I was thinking to myself, jay, and maybe shawn as well, about having a "Recipe Monday". It would consist of me, Chef Fuzzy (hand clapping and whistling), creating an original recipe and trying it out. There would of course be pictures of the final outcome and a recipe, with instructions (for those of you that can't boil water), on how to prepare it. Its a way for me to be creative, get my practice in, and for you to reap the benefits of my labor and hard thinking!

Second idea... I was thinking about a "Poetry Friday". An original poem, this time with no hidden meanings, written by me. Gee i hope I dont get writers block! That sounds like it might hurt... Anyway, Its just wheels in my mind going round and round. Please voice your opinions and possible suggestions.

Your cherubic and kindly mannored,
Fuzzy

Can you pay my bills?

Due to unforseen events, some beyond control, I will be taking a period of irregular activity. I will do my best to comment on everyone's blog as often as I get a chance. Getting my finances together so I can pay my bills (internet bill in specific).

Anybody that would like to contribute, make all checks and money orders payable to Fuzzy! lol Cash Can also be wired to me via Money Gram or Western Union :-)

In Future news... there will be more poetry to come. I really liked the response I got from everybody. To see where everybody's mind is and how they think. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so I wondered how many ways could a group of words be interpreted. Kinda mad at shawnqt for not posting his opinion. :-O But anyway, thanks for your opinions... stay tuned to the next piece of Fuzzy...

To Touch or not To Touch

I've been feeling a particular way in the past few days. Yesterday an idea came up for poetry and I thought to myself, its been such a long time since I poured out of myself on paper. So here it is.

Hurry hurry hurry, round the bend just ahead
"You better stop bouncing around and don't crush my bread"
"Listen here, don't you bother anything in this store"
Oh with disappointment, like a great dream had been torn.
Looking around feeling welcomed,what a cheery wonderful atmosphere,
standing there thinking what a joy it is to be standing here.
A sight to see, an aroma to smell, a look to look,
I want to take them, taste them, savor them,
but the only thing I bear is a single buck.
Many varieties, some colorful and plain, some big some small,
such a quantity available that I can't have any of it at all.
Things of sweetness, so very easy on the eye,
staring starry eyed, why Lord oh why?
Examining myself then all around,
preparing my nose to search like one of those skillful blood hounds.
Could I just touch? I feel ever so weak,
for when that touch occured,
with extreme quickness, guilt and remorse would deeply seep.
Surrounded by temptation, I dont know what to do.
So much to see, smell, touch and take in, its overly cruel.
The atmosphere thickens, I can't take much more.
Wondering, Will I ever get out of this candy store?

By: Daniel James
a.k.a Fuzzy

There is a meaning to the poem, beyond what it says. I wonder if anybody can figure it out... Let me know, if you can...