Today is the 2 year anniversary of my mother leaving me and this ol' world. I asked the trackstar what today's date was and he told me the 22nd. I accepted it and kept my day moving. I stated I have to post tomorrow. Later on today I learned that today was in fact the 23rd. After finding out this information, little changed about my day. I was finally on my vacation having fun and enjoying myself. It wasn't how I planned my vacation being so far as finance, place, and company, but I am very satisfied none the less.
I wasn't saddened thinking about my mom. I was more bothered that I didn't think about her more. I always had this idea that I was supposed to think of good times instead of the bad. I thought of nothing. Am I moving past my experience? Am I forgetting my mom in a slow process? This is what I wanted in a way, to not be sad anymore. I don't think I wanted it at the expense of not thinking of her at all! I just don't know how to take all of this. Personal analysis is a big part of my construction. Could play a huge role in rebuilding me. I need to know why the sudden forgetfulness and its role...
11 years ago
9 thoughts:
It's neither good nor bad. It's life. Life must continue on. Sometimes life distracts us (which may be a good thing). But as long as you hold a place for your mom in your heart, you can always reminisce about her in your life.
Death is always different for everyone and it also depends on the person who died. Its neither a good or bad thing it more of your acceptance to your lose. And think about it this way would your mother want you to go around mourning her or would she want you to be living your life. And by the date not carrying so much weight on you it is showing that you are growing and since you had a good day begin a new tradition instead of remembering her in a sad mournful way, celebrate her life because if it wasn't for her it would be no you.
As the old folks sometimes say that storm has past and a new day has begun.
4wallz
I don't think you are forgetting about your mom at all. I was sixteen years old when my grandmother passed away (I am 39 now) and I know you might be thinking that it not the same, but that old lady was my heart. My mom loves me but no one has every loved me as hard as my granny. I don't think about her everyday but I still think about her. Sometimes I have dreams about her so real that i wake up in tears. And here is something that I don't think I have ever told anybody. When I go shopping for cereal I can't pass by a box of Rice Chex, because I remember eatting a box of her's when I was in the third grade. Now when I eat Rice Chex I think of my grandmother and I buy it just for that pleasant memory. Strange, I know, but I miss that woman so hard.....I'm sorry, I don't know how this became about me.
Anyway, the point is don't worry about not always having her on your mind. Like sean stone said, "as long as you hold a place for her in your heart." The memories will hit you when you least expect it. I can promise you that.
Just because you do not think about her on a constant basis does not mean that you have forgotten about her. You still love her and she will always be in your heart. For me, I wanted to forget the actual day my dad passed away but on the holidays I keep him on my mind. Like you said keep remembering the good times you two shared. Memories.
I used to beat myself up with those questions after my mom passed. Then I realize that I think about her all of the time. I may not remember the day/time, etc that she died but in casual conversations I recite things that she said. I carry myself in the way that she raised me. And I still revere her name, spirit and life.
I'm not sure how I would handle death if it ever came along to someone close to me but, experiences have thought me independence and I cope well with change. It wasn't easy getting to that point..maybe you are just a stronger person than you think..it in no way means that you don't care about her or don't apppreciate what she was when she was here...
cheer up man...(-:
You're not "forgetting" about her at all. But don't beat yourself up about it; it's human nature. There have been plenty of times where my mom's death day comes and goes and I don't think about it one bit. It's been almost 15 years now and, with the exception of this year, I didn't really pay much attention. Take it from me, it WILL get a little easier over time.
if you can still hear the sound of her voice, and remember the look in her eyes as she looked upon you. then your mom will always be with you fuzzy. dates are irrelevant.
People who pass through our lives leave an indelible mark. I don't think we can ever forget anyone who makes a huge impact. A mother is most certainly one of those people.
Sadness at a passing is almost always replaced with an appreciation that they were in my life.
That's my take on it.
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