Pressure On My Mind!

I think I will make this a collage of many blog posts, blogettes of you will! Just a few things on my mind that I wanted to release into the atmosphere!

1. On this past Thursday night/Friday morning, I had difficulty sleeping. I fell asleep after tiring myself out reading blogs on my cell phone. I dreamed about some party that Shawn and I went to. There was an abundance of gay people there. Not necessarily doing stereotypical gay things but we were there. There two guys come in as a couple and I recognize them as two of my students from the high school. First thing out their mouth, "Mr. James you get down like that?" I said, "If you do, I do too!" One left and he said he was going to tell the whole school I got down, and the other tried to rub and grind on me every time Shawn turned his back! I woke up in a cold sweat! I couldn't sleep for more than a few mins at a time for the rest of the night!
   
   
2. Why does my brother have to be so forceful and close-minded? He called me on yesterday and asked me some very personal questions about who I hang out with and told me who I should and shouldn't be hanging out with. All I wanted to say is, "Can I please live my life?"
   
   
3. I dug myself into a ditch with my comment on X's blog. I think I need to clarify my comment just a lil bit. I do stand by my comment, but there are some exceptions. I am in a relationship and there needs to be some give and take with consideration for each others feelings. There are certain settings that I do not mind showing SOME affection in public. Just not alot. I will leave it at that.
   
   
4. I recently came out to one of my cousins. On the other day he called me with a bazaar story. He tells me that my other cousin, his sister, came to him about him being on my myspace top friends. She called me everything but a man of God! I immediately thought when my brother told me to find out if she was bi and I knew it and I denied it to save her face! I felt so betrayed! I have never done anything to hurt her and have always tried to help her! I even volunteered to raise her unborn child so she could finish school! A bitch will be a bitch! I know her stripes now. Let her come for me one more time!
   
   
5. Bush shortchanged me on my stimulus check! I need an extra $300! I had plans for that money, and he fucked me over! I am so tired of this bull shit ass president! Can't we impeach him for something? Then, lets get him out of office
   
   
6. The job search still goes on! Nothing much happening on that front. It's whatever! I hate looking for jobs! They never give you the pay you desire, nor the schedule you want. Then they want you to go above and beyond the call of duty for them! The job force in America is a laughing stock and completely deplorable!
   
   
7. I want a new cell phone. T-Mobile's selection is very much sub par! Their PDA line sucks! The blackberry devices suffer many technical problems. To be honest, the best devices are the Sidekick LX, and the Windows Mobile devices. They do the most. The WM phones haven't been greatly updated in over a year. They are struggling to keep up with most of their competitors 3G networks! Verizon will be on like 6G when T-Mobile finalizes the switch over to 3G! I love T-Mobile, but they need to step up their game!
   
   
8. This is the first year that I am not enthused about participating in the AIM Conference Choir since I joined in 1996. It was the Youth Congress Choir then! Anybody C.O.G.I.C. out there? lol

I have emptied my mind of all the major things, and some minor ones too! But maybe I can sleep well and not worry about being outed and gyrated in my dreams! lol

2008 BET Awards Review

Okay, this is going to be my first awards review! Here my thoughts are unedited as they come for the 2008 BET Awards!!! There is a new poll to the left. Go cast your vote, then read the rest of the post! Thought I would mention that before I forgot! Here we go!

The opening act was okay with Usher's "in this club"! I don't have much comment, since I was late and didn't get to see it! Lol Thanks for catching me up Shawn! :-)

Omg at the next performance! I have never heard a performance so bad as Keyshia Cole and Lil Kim. It was like what the hell? Keyshia came in late and didn't know the words and her que! Then yelled all over the damn stage! She tried to dance in that skimpy outfit with all that leg out, and let me tell you, it wasn't working! Pitiful is all I have to say! Is that all black women are capable of? Oh my gosh!

Neyo takes the stage! Closer! I liked his suit, his look, I was feelin it! That suit! It was nice! He did his dancing too! Workin it! He slipped up but he recovered without drawing much attention to it! He sounded really good! Its my favorite song of the moment, my ringtone, I loved it!

Ms. Alicia Keys takes the stage. Was it the jeans, my eyes, or am I seeing correctly, Does Alicia have hip but no butt? Lol He fit in to her role of a high school girl without much problem! SURPRISE, SWV comes out center stage! I can't say they sound bad! SURPRISE #2! En Vogue ripped it! Damn, all of the stars coming out! Bloggers AND Blogettes, TLC!!!!!! Must I say Shawn is having a fit! He is about to cry and go into a self induced coma! He even did his personal encore! Shall I say FUNNY? Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls! Did I forget to say this review was done in real time? Lol he is calling his mother and jumping all over the damn place with a big ass cheesy grin on his face! ENTERTAINMENT!

Enter in T-Pain. The entrance was good, original I Must say with circus props. Then, Flo Rida came in wit dem apple bottom bottom jeans and the loose fittin furs. It was nice. Rick Ross follows with his fat ass stomach out and his hat ass hangin out. Just a hot FAT ASS MESS! I thought it was over and Big Boi takes the mic. I am kinda over it them ohhh wait wait wait WAIT Ludacris!!!!! Okay, he saved the whole performance! I wasn't boppin, but at least P. Diddy was! :-/

WTF! Ugk got the best video?!? Who the hell voted? Lol Its a rig! A Fix! This is an injustice! Mary's "Just Fine", Alicia's "Never see you Again" and Kanye's "Good Life" was way better! I am just in disgust! I think I may just post this tonight! OMG! I was gonna wait till tomorrow, but I need to get this off my chest!

Marvin Sapp, I think Gospel is the best sounding music live. Because it is always performed live! "Never would of made it without you" was the song of choice, let me tell you he ripped it! That Choir was on point too! I give him props! Of course you know I have to be partial to Gospel Music! :-) I get the feeling he was about to do an altar call! Lol the music got slow and he started talking, I was like! Then leave it to DL Hugley to mess it up with his foolishness! Somebody candy cane his behind off the stage... Lol

Yesssss, Chris Brown! No I am not a groupie or a huge fan, but he is a nice artist. He came out and performed "With You" and sounded pretty decent. I know my dude Reggie is prolly doing back flips right about now... But now lets "Take it Down" with Ciara in those boots! Y'all know how I feel about heels! :-) A nice and sexy and cute dance duo between the two. The performance ended with Ciara's dropping name in a waterfall! Nice touch!

Jill Scott convinced me that she was "Still in Love" while paying tribute to Al Green. It wasn't an exciting performance. She looked beautiful though, I give her that! My boo Anthony Hamilton came out. I almost tuned him out. He is just so nice to look at from certain angles! Lol! He did alot of bopping around like it was some kinda club song. Didn't really go with the song. I think it was "Tired of being Alone". Outcomes Maxwell! When did he cut all that hair off? I need dates! I think he looks better, but I need to get used to it. Best Al Green song so far for the tribute! Oh, its the last one, hmmm I guess I they saved the best for last!

Did Al Green just say the Academy? Lol what kind of acceptance speech was that? Only Al Green! Whether his performance was good bad, happy or sad! Lol I still gotta love that song! Its Al Green! It's a classic! (Thinking about how many home watchers are singing along) Yesssss "Somebody say Yeahhh"!!! Lol I must say this might be the most memorable performance of the night! That is what you cal swagger! Lol Listening Mr Qt? --- lol Okay, not its getting kinda long... Somebody cut the music! 8-) <---- Cool shades!

Does anyone else have an objection to Lil Wheezing (lol) and his cussin lollipop ass thanking God and said they ain't nothin without God? He better be thankin God for his Grace and Mercy!

Moving on to Rhianna! "Take it back" has my foot pattin and she is ripping those vocals! That dress, Oh My God! She is beautiful! I think I am lusting after her! Then the camera focuses on Goofy Chris Brown lol! I really like this song! A strong start and a strong finish, I give you ENCORE! :-D

::Does anyone else want to watch this new BET show, Baldwin Hills, that's going to be airing July 8th?::

Congrats to Quincy Jones for his Humanitarian Award! And his first statement was "Yes Lord!" No further comments on that! I took his advice and am repeating it, "live your life and live it well!"

Okay its 10:51, this shit ain't over yet? Sigh! Starting to nod...

Okay, Jermaine and Nelly! :- (<--- straight face) They would of been better off ending with Rhianna! You know, instead of ending on a bad note! OK, Fergie is saving it! Hmmm, Someone pick Nelly's face up from the floor cause Fergie just dropped it like it was hot! NICE!

Ummmm this still isn't over? OMG!

Fast forward to Alicia Keys acceptance speech, what is wrong with her eyes? Ummm is she drunk or high, too much eyeliner? She can't focus on anything!

Ummm Lil wheezy, T-Pain, please sit down... I'm Just over them at this point! Am I seeing right? Is it over?

GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE!!!

I Had A High Time!

I think many of my friends can describe me as being one of those fun loving, never-grow-up, goofy types of people when I want to be. I have shared on a few occasion that when I was in high school, I was the one that didn't want to move on. I wanted to stay for 13th grade. I cried on graduation night not because I would be missing my friends, that were all going their separate ways, but because my high school experience would not be continuing! I felt robbed and was so disappointed! I felt lifted against my will! I was an emotional wreck for the following three days.

In high school I didn't do to bad. I graduated in the top 20% of the class ranked at number 53 in a class of over 350. Ending senior year, I had a cumulative GPA of 3.325. I was liked by all of MY teachers. I never stirred much conflict with them and did most of what they asked and required of me. I wasn't exactly a teacher's pet, but I was the one that sat behind the teacher's pet, lol! School was nice!

I built a name, which actually could be a spark of me to continue with my entrepreneurial future, that trickled down from the seniors to the freshman starting at my sophomore year. I never had a spotlight on me, so this was new. Out of my book bags (yes I said bags), I sold an array of items. These items included my school wide famous brownies, chips, cakes cookies, pie, a wide assortment of candy, gum, bottled water, juice and soda. I worked my way up to profiting about $150 per week. I came to school, if nothing else, to make money. I managed to do that, under the radar, my last three years of high school. My name was Hustle Man, commonly and better known as Hus!

One thing that I regret about my senior year was I did not participate in many senior activities. I had a date that I didn't wanna be at the prom with, but I already paid for her! I wanted someone else to go! That made the Prom miserable for me. I missed the after-prom activities (the week following the prom down at Seaside Heights, NJ). I missed Project Graduation (the after graduation all night recreational activity planned by the PTO/PTA). Senior cut day, the seniors went to Six Flags and Wildwood, I was too scared to get caught. I will maybe get a chance of making up my prom at the reunion, that I am going to assist in planning. I went to Project Graduation on Wednesday, June 18, 2008, and enjoyed that! When I become a teacher, I'm going to find out when Senior Cut day is and Cut with the students somewhere! I'm Cool wit them that I could roll wit them! I think I'm experiencing what I missed through them, is that wrong?

So right before the Project Graduation, at the actual graduation, the students, staff and the parents were drenched on. In order it came as thunder, then lightning, then the downpour. This was held at Veteran's field in Rahway, NJ. We were relayed back to the high school for shelter. We got there at 7 and only to leave going back to the field at 7:20. I had a bangin parkin spot! I shoulda just stayed there at the park! wasting gas, ridiculous. Then comes the graduation dinner, at Luciano's, for the faculty. It was cool! I had an interview for this place, and always wondered why I never got my call back for my 3rd interview. I sat down and wondered where all the black people were. I saw none! no servers, no bussers, no host-staff! NOBODY! I no longer wish to work there! I was looking forward for my first Project Graduation experience! After the dinner, we drove over to The Club, in Woodbridge, NJ, to start what was going to be a long night!

Let's get back to Project Graduation. I was nervous about going because I didn't think I'd have a great time. I wanted a drink to loosten me up so I could be more free, but it was too late for that! I was as loose as I was going to be! lol But we had a Volleyball Tournament and Basketball Tournament that I participated in. Exhilarating to say the least! There was a hula hoop contest, that I lost :(. In the Dodge ball game, I lasted longer than what I thought I would. Half way through was better than I could of ever expected. We made key chains, I don't like my photo! I got a graphic Tee, I'll take a picture wearing it one day so you may see it. I like it! That's what I walked away from at 5:30 am on Wednesday morning. I high time! I had so much fun, I wish I could of done more! I can't wait for next years to come!

I am going to really miss being around the students for the summer. This is yet another year that I did not want the year to end.

I will be doin ma lil hustle of selling my cakes and pies to people who desire to buy them. This will serve as my spending money. Let me know what kinds of pies and cakes I should sell. I am open to suggestions! Selling the cakes at 12-15 dollars and pies at 10-12 dollars. Is that a reasonable price for scratch cakes and pies?

Well I have said enough! I took my stroll down memory lane, gave you a piece of me and told you what happened recently all in one post. Be Easy!

I Just Don't Get It!

I would like to ask the question of what one looks for in a mate. The general response was someone who was kind, honest, sexy, smart, a freak, caring, understanding, and committed. People, women and men alike, gave these answers over and over. They built a dream mate right before me! Get this! After describing all of that, it followed by but I can't ever find a good man or a good woman!

I really started to think about this. It bothered me! I find it so hard to believe that EVERYONE looking for a mate will say they are worth their weight in gold but can't find someone. Then on the flip script, you will find these self glorified, whether boasted or not, say that they are too good for someone. Or, they will have 1 or 2 disqualifying traits. I took this in and sighed! I mean really! Who the hell, in this messed up world, told you that you were the ISH?

What ever happened to being the best that you can be, which includes humbleness, and making yourself ready for someone? You may find the right person and dismiss them because he/she is not in the place where you want them to be? If two are willing why not throw on some elbow grease and bring the person to the place where you want them to be?

You will pass someone up because they are dl, but they are EVERYTHING that you could ever hope for in a man. You will let your own pride prevent you from going after someone. You have an altercation or disagreement and you have that attitude "I'll wait for him/her to come back to me" thing going on! Move and go get what you want! If you put more than a reasonable amount of effort into something and things don't work, fine!

I'm not perfect, nor do I claim to be! I am not good in a relationship. I am not good at motivating myself. I am quick to slip into minor depressions. I don't have many long-term goals. I was very quiet. I needed some polishing up. You can have the dullest of gems and rubies, and all you have to do is place a lil work into it and you have a treasure in your possession!

I just get tired of hearing people looking for a perfect match. I get tired of people looking for greatness when clearly they are barely peaking mediocre! I am annoyed when people pass people up for ridiculous reasons. I get pissed at the entire attitude and the statuses of people who are looking for a mate!

Where do people get off? I JUST DON'T GET IT!

Sunday Mornin!

I am feeling kinda blah right now. I'm not sure what it is, but I wish it be gone! I want it gone and out of my way! It feels as though something may be bodily wrong, but it may be some sort of heat exhaustion. I really thought it was because of dehydration because the last time I felt this way I was was lacking water. I sincerely think that is not the problem. I have been drinking water ever since that occurrence, two weeks ago. Well whatever it is, I bind it and I am moving on. Its a test, and, later on, I'll tell you how I got over!

I really wanted to go to the beach yesterday but because the "blah" feeling started yesterday and it prevented me from going. It's whatever. I am going today after church today.

Some random points:

• A friend has joined the friend group and I am very satisfied!
• I want a friend to be happy and find what he wants in a partner. I don't want him to settle, but I want him to give this particular guy a chance. You never know what can happen. You know who you are!
• I am supposed to be cooking since like 6am, woke up at 7:45 and was nowhere near a stove.
  
• I am typing this post at 8:37 and should be showering and getting dressed for church!
• I blacked out on my father last week. I came to the conclusion that I need to move out sometime very soon. Issues were resolved, but no undoubtedly will return!
• My tummy hurts!

I am getting myself into the mood for church right now. Let me go! Have a good day at church for those who are going. I'ma have a word on Mornin Manna for all of you that wish not to go to church. Its not gonna be a Amen word either, its gonna be an Ouch word!

Beware, this may be long!

A few things have been on my mind lately. I wanted to share the contents of my weekend as well. Let me see if I can accomplish this without writing a book!

Lets start with the weekend. On Friday, I went to a funeral of a pastor who died. He was a state official, politician and a family friend. I wasn't going to go, but the state choir was called to sing and I felt a responsibility to be there. That and I said I was going to be picking up a friend! I got there and the place is packed out! I was only 5 minutes late and I did not have a seat! I stood for a 2 hour funeral service while singing. It was Hot too! I was not depressed and left the service lifted. I DON'T LIKE FUNERALS! This one was ok.

I came home and was sooo bored and wanted to go somewhere. X and Shawn were on a date, Reggie was working, and I wasn't really interested on looking for anyone else to say they were too busy to chill. So, after I took a nap (my MO, lol) I got up and got sexy! I took a shower, got my cologne out, got out a fresh wife beater and some of my nice jeans and Tims. I was on my way to NYC! I wanted attention, not not too much. I went over to relax and maybe meet someone cool to befriend. That clearly didn't happen. All I met was dudes that wanted to buy me some drinks, which were gratefully accepted, and try to holla at me. While flattered at some of the gentleman callers, I denied them. I felt good. I felt like I was still the shit! It was a ego boost! I get it from Shawn all the time, but sometimes you wanna hear it from someone else! I got home at about 6ish I think!

Saturday, was the second funeral service for the same pastor! Again, the state choir was called. It was very long and emotionally draining. The spirit came in like a flood. The facilitator of the service tried to cap it off. Tried to suppress the spirit of praise! I was like, "clearly someone is out of order!" It happened 3 times and the spirit began to swell to an uncontrollable fit of praise! The whole church of at least 300 people went in! They shouted, danced and praised God like it was their last time! It was truly a Holy Ghost lather! After all of that, I excused myself as the preacher began to preach. It was well time to leave!

Then I went bowling with AIM (Auxiliaries in Ministry). We had fun. There was a member of my church, Dennis, we had real competition! We were going back and forth battling for the lead. He brought the best out of me! I bowled a lucky 178! I was proud of myself! Will it happen again? I don't think so! Afterwards, I went to Praise & Worship rehearsal. I was late because I took a nap and woke up late. Hey, needed some sleep!!! After that, I came home and chilled out.

I woke up at like 4am and couldn't go back to sleep. I sat up in bed and listened to Gospel music and was on myspace. I lost track of time and was about to be late to church on Sunday. Nothing special happened at church. I actually felt a little weird, like I was a bit dehydrated. I drank like a half gallon of water and began to feel better. Shawn wraps Sunday up pretty well on his dreamsinafitted blog.

Now, here is what is on my mind. Why will people not socialize and show themselves friendly? I am one to make conversation. I can walk up to people and introduce myself and get to know someone. This past Sunday I demonstrated that. I walked up to a random guy and said hello. We had a conversation. Why is it that people can't just say hi? A greeting is the same as a whats good on a bgc, a4a, m4n, manhunt or whatever site you are on. Do it in person. People are too impersonal nowadays!

Being spoiled is presenting itself more and more in front of my face. I tend to be agitated when I am around people that floss the fact that they are spoiled. Yes, you got EVERYTHING given to you. Yes, you don't have to worry about many things in life. Why would you throw it in people's faces? I am one that did not have the luxury of someone feeding me a sterling silver spoon filled with caviar as a child! I had to work for what I have. I had to support myself at a young age. I had to do it myself! I had to struggle! Get your spoiled ass out of my face and shut the fuck up! Sorry if that hurts but that's how I feel!

I'm going to try to have as much fun this summer as possible. I am going to be going places. If you want to come, come on! If you don't, deuces! I want to have my fun. I would like someone there to experience that with me, but it is not necessary! I can have fun all by myself!

On a similar note, I have been analyzing who I hang out with. I am placing some people in the social friends group and others in the associate group. All of this by removing people from the friends group that are, honestly speaking, not worthy of the title. I have came to this decision because of decisions that others have made. I will be slowly seceding from these people that have little to build me up with, always tearing someone down, and people that have a negative effect on my personality! That's as plain, cut and dry as I can put it!

School is almost over and I don't have a summer job as of yet. I'm not making a big deal out of it. I can survive on unemployment and just chill back and do nothing! I can do that! Not exactly plan A, B, C, or D but its a plan nonetheless. I am trusting in God and I know he will provide me with a way to stay afloat!

I've typed enough. All else that was on my mind has either left, or will come back in enough time for my next post!