I GRADUATED!!!!

Let me say first that initially I was not going to be going to my graduation. Secondly, I was in a bad mood for almost a month prior to graduation. I truly believe that it was my subconscious acting out without me knowing. Let me explain...

Graduation for me included my mother, closest family members and maybe some friends. It was like a lil' girls dream! lol I have always dreamed of what it would be like to graduate college and how i envisioned it, was nowhere how it actually happened. Momma is gone, obviously, my brother (oldest from my mother) is on vacation with his wife, the next youngest from him (eh he's OK lil weird) couldn't make it and that pretty much started the undercover mood. So i invited my dad. Without him, i mean his signature, i could not have finished when i finished. Next was my aunt (mom's sister) whom i wasn't speaking to often (due to my ring loss), Shawn, who was actually invited first (SHOUT OUT TO MA BABY), and Omar because he has a big heart and is always telling me stuff to help me out.

It was cool day though. I rushed home right after work to shower iron and get changed. I picked up my dad and aunt. Drove back to Newark NJPAC, where the graduation took place, and arrived "on time" and did nothing for an hour and a half! Shawn made a sign with my moms face on it and put a massage, "I am so proud of you Daniel" I saw it and I started to cry then I thought, why? I did what she and I wanted, I went to college and got my degree. I'M HAPPY!
Afterwards, I took the "fam" home and came back to Shawn's house. So ironic that i was speaking to him about confidence and while that was going on i was burning onion rings and smoking up the house lol. My next step will be to change jobs. I hate doing this... but I need to plan my next step. I wanted to transfer to NJCU (New Jersey City University) or Kean University majoring in secondary education with a minor in home economics and algebra. I need to know before hand if teaching is going to be my niche. Will I like it? This is where the job change comes in. I am looking to substitute teach to see if a have a thing for it. To see if I am good at it. If I ain't good at it, i don't want to waste four years of my life, not to mention money, going to school for it!

Well, I have a birthday party for 60 to cater for and i haven’t even gone shopping yet… I will talk to blogland later... TOODLES

What the Fuck?

You know, in my previous post I asked for simplicity. I asked for normalcy. what I got was a drawn sheet of paper filled with headaches and aggravation.

I am so upset right now and its over something so stupid. I don't understand how it happened or why its happening,but I'm not speaking to Shawn right now. He wants attention from me, then upsets me when I try to come give him some. He is bothered by me not showing concern over a text message that I got late. Then faulted me for not picking up on it when I was trying to studyfor my final,which was about a hour and a half after this phonecall.

To top it all off, Mother's Day is this Sunday and I have to go through another one without Mommy. It hasn't gotten any easier as time has passed. I am not transitioning well at all. This week is a continuing blow after blow. Its about to be a KO for real! I can't take much more.

I ask this question with sincerity and an inquisitive mind, "Why ME?"

I Just Don't Understand Why...

I don't Know why there always has to be drama. I don't know why there always has to be confusion. I am, plainly put, tired of all the extra that's in my life. I just want to have a normal life with normal family and have some normal friends. Is That so hard to ask?

It has happened, I have become bitter towards my dad, aunt and cousin. Neither one of them need to ask me for another dime. I am going to have some serious conversations with my family about some garbage that has been occurring lately.

1. Ring coming up missing
2. Additional income for rent not being shared equally
3. Bills in my name not being paid punctually. IE: cable bill and phone bill

I am simply tired of the nonsense. I am about to get to the point where I want to be left alone. Nobody, well most people, in my opinion, would not want to be alone. Its not a well feeling! But Its how I am feeling because I want some normalcy in my life! Some peace in my life! Some Happiness and Joy in my life!

I Just Don't Understand Why I Can't...