"Nobody owes you a thing." - Revised

I was going to log on to delete this post. I thought quickly, "maybe I shouldn't." as the mouse pointer hovered over "delete post". I thought to keep it as a moment of weakness. I was low and angry. I'm not perfect and don't pretend to be. Here I am a day later, with emotions mellow, and I am thinking very clearly. I am blessed to have who I have that cares for me. Every time something that does not go my way, I get bent out of shape. I am going to try to make that a thing of the past more and more everyday. One day I will look back on these few days and see how much I have grown. Thank you for being patient in my growth.

First of all, I can anticipate this post may come off as unappreciative. It could come across as me being impatient. It will probably sound as if I am pouting. That may be true. I had to vent this out because lately, I have been holding onto sanity by a thread.

I was going through an issue with my car getting fixed and having funds to cover the bill. I have managed to gain most of the money to fix the car, but bills are closing me in. In that event, I will be unable to gain the money needed to fix the car. All of my funds will be directed towards my bills.

::Exhale::

I received a phone call, from my friend of 5 years, asking for the amount that I needed. I told her the sum. She said its yours; pay me back when you get it. I was in shock, and almost in tears. I got what I needed just in time. So, days go on and I told her that I needed the money and the car would be fixed soon. She said fine. She would get it. I said thanks again!

Tuesday is here. I get a phone call and my car is finally ready. I almost shout for joy. I give her a call and here she goes... I have to get it from my mom. GREAT! I stop by after work and she said she doesn't have it. Her mother is going to pick her up at 4 and take her to the bank. OK! I call her back at 4:30 she in the house I said I'm walking over now to get the money. "I don't have it!" she said. Turns out her money is in her mother's bank account and she wont let her touch it. "I don't know what to tell you" she stated.

I sat. I thought. No class yet again! I had no way to get to my Dr's appointment in time from work. That means I have to tell my job I can't work tomorrow. I lose needed money. A mechanic is looking for his money, and I may not be able to deliver. All fuckin because you can't control your damn spending habits to have access to your own damn money! I thought some more. She doesn't owe me a thing. Its all my fault! I expected something from someone. I put my faith in MAN.

I was the best friend I could be. I try to be the best! I try to keep all of my commitments. I try to be there when needed. I answer the phone at all times of the night. I've lied to cover for "friends" on few occasions. I am available for my friends. I would of thought the least someone could do is keep their word. All I could think about in the last 4 hours is a line from a couple other friends of mine. Paraphrasing, "Nobody owes you a thing."

It rings and rings
I put myself out there all of the time, thinking
it will come back to me.
"Nobody owes you a thing."
It rings and rings
maybe things just weren't meant to be
stumbling blocks placed to remove glee
"Nobody owes you a thing."
It rings it rings
chance awaits, time to be free
help me, help me please
"Nobody owes you a thing."


Poured from Fuzzy's spirit at 7:43

As of Late...

It has been a long time since I have done a post about me. I will try to be substantially brief. We will see how that will work! lol Feel free to skip through to the points that seem interesting to you!

I am really excited that I kept on schedule with my blog postings for "The Summons to Court" and the response that it got. I didn't think I would get such a response but I got what I wanted, feedback from both sides of the topic. I loved It! When I get another idea I will try it again!

I have been sick repeatedly, if not nonstop since December. I fault that to my body not being conditioned to being exposed to the elements. I don't like being outside and my immune system seems like it shares the same opinion. I have had bronchitis; I believe that I still have it now! My throat has been killing me, maybe Strep Throat! I have no clue. Its cool now, but sometimes it feels like I can't swallow if I had God's help!

Feeding off of the previous thought, I finally put my car in the shop. I was so excited and in a GREAT mood all week! I was supposed to be driving on Thursday, it is Sunday and I still have no car. My patience is wearing very thin. VERY THIN! I need to be out of the elements so I can get better!

I cursed out the Chinese lady... and the driver! "Where the hell is my food? I paid for the damn food, where the fuck is my shit? It better get here soon, make it happen! I don't care what the fuck the damn driver said, just deliver my damn food!" I was hungry and I waited over an hour and have only a short time to eat and the food never came!

I feel torn in between friends. I try to save everyone. I try to be Mr. Good all of the time. It is me! I will just associate with the friends that wish to associate with me without drama towards any other of my friends. I LOVED the IHOP gathering and I thought of how it was before. I was happy! I will be torn no longer.

My birthday is on April 2ND and I don't know what I want to do. I wanted to do a Pocono trip, might be too costly. I wanna do something so bad, but I don't know what! maybe something simple. Maybe money will be better then!

School is not going the way I wanted it to go. I am unmotivated because of lack of interest in the major. I have to explore my options and make a hard decision for my next semester. I don't particularly what I may be faced with... I am so close but yet so far away from my dream.

I found out that some students (note the "s") have a crush on me. Flattered, but no thanks!

I have an anger issue. My patience is growing. My attention span is decreasing. I am tired, not in the physical sense, but in the mental, emotional and spiritual sense.

Listening to New Direction's "Hold Out". Rewinding over and over

"I won't let go of my faith. The Sun/Son is gonna shine if I hold out.

Weeping may endure for a night, trouble don't last always.

Joy comes in the morning. Just wait till the morning.

I won't let go of my faith. The Sun/Son is gonna shine if I hold out"

Cheaters Are Held Contempt Of Court

I believe that everyone can circle around the idea that cheating is bad and immoral. That's not up for debate here. However, is the umbrella of cheating big or small? What IS included in cheating? What's not included in cheating?

Some might say that cheating is only placing one's sexual organs on/in another person. You know just the acts of mutual masturbation with each other sexual intercourse. Very plain and very simply put.

Let's say you are lying in the bed with another and you strip naked. You have not engaged in touch but you are able to see each other in entirety. You begin to pleasure yourself in front of them. Is that grounds for cheating? The line is right there but it is so very very gray!

We've all watched some shape or from of pornography, whether it is soft porn or hardcore porn. Some become slaves to the porn and take sexual attention away from their mate and redirect it to the screen. Watching someone on web-cam would be the same! Seeing someone on screen perform sexual acts would be just as bad! With that same line of thinking, would being on a web-cam be considered cheating? You feed off of someone's sexual energy but they can be miles or hundreds/thousands of miles away! Remembering there was no physical contact, does the impersonal relationship distance make it ok?

There are those people that believe that any form of contact, whether it is cyber, mental, physical, optical or sexual, is cheating. Don't look at her! What are you doing on that computer? Who are you thinking about? Don't hold his hand like that! You slept with him (interpret both sexual and innocent)? She's only my girlfriend from back from sorority days, what's the big deal?

One person's views may be different than another's. Can we say conflict when a situation occurs? You say cheat when I plead innocent! None may be necessarily wrong, but what exactly is right? What is wrong? I'm so confused...

What happens after the act? Does a single act of cheating mark an upcoming ongoing habit? Can a relationship SUCCESSFULLY recover from this?

YOU BE THE JUDGE!

People of the Court, I Have Bad News...

Unfortunately, Relationship was just rushed to the hospital!

Its unfortunate that bad news comes to us at the most inopertune times. At our youth, at the peak of our careers, just after entering into relationships and it hits hard! Bad news such as:

• Cancer
• Genetic Disease
• HIV/AIDS
• Any other life threatening/altering sickness or STD

It's, like I said before, unfortunate. Your partner of however long is going through something that will affect your relationship if not you at the same time. What if that "something" is contagious? Your health is at stake, so you be selfish and leave looking out for number one? Do you stay and try to work something out?

Would you date someone who Is HIV positive? In a POLL, of 158 people, 31% said yes, 39% said no and 30% are unsure. Its a risk for you every time you go in! It's very difficult to have children if the male is positive. I am not even sure if it is medically possible without transmission. Damaging hopes and dreams are very likely to crash, or will you make it bounce? How do you recover from bad news like that?

Next post will conclude the Summons to Court. This will be a topic that will run through the 29th! It must be good one, don't forget to comment on this post and come back on Sunday!

Questioned Attraction?

Can you choose who you are attracted to? Can you choose who you are not attracted to? Is it that simple as an on and off switch, turned on and off whenever you want? I wonder...

Its so easy to say we are attracted to someone but all to often we hear "I'm not attracted anymore". I don't believe it is as simple as that. Attraction is a mental plus a physical bond. You are attracted to someones physique, their appearance, their mind and soul. These are bonds. Some are formed quicker than others but once formed, I refuse to believe they break like a dry pretzel! Its absurd and ridiculous!

Bisexuals, talking to me too lol, are funny when it comes to this. We prance around claiming to like both sexes. Do we really like both? Do we really have an attraction to each? I think that since society is more heterosexual, on paper lol, people choose to keep the attraction towards the heterosexual counterparts. Possible bonds may have been formed during the experimental stage that some journey through and, as previously stated, bonds are not easily broken! That may be another cause of Bisexuality. But, that's a whole new issue...

Ever seen someone that fits your every standard that you hold in a mate, but they are a little less that attracted? They are "OK" or "IIGHT" but nothing spectacular. Can you force an attraction on them? Can you literally make yourself like someone else? Should you do it? I really don't know. I tried to do it once but I was unsuccessful. I hear success stories but I never hear the follow-up!

Anyone care to cast an opinion?

Past, Present and Status -VS- Relationship

This post was formally known as "Objective, Relevency? Judgement to Who?"
Your comments will be drafted over to this post for your convenience!

After reading what I typed out, I realized that I was over the map. The side and private comments from other bloggers aided me to this decision. So I decided to step in and polish it up a lil bit. I gained a common ground for all the topics and gathered points that I wanted to express.

What happens when your past doings become an issue to your current relationship? The things that you once did, that have no direct bearing over the relationship, are now bubbling to the surface causing problems. Maybe you were a porn star years ago. Maybe you were a hoe and all your peoples are surfacing right before your lover's and your eyes! Maybe nothing sexual, but criminal backgrounds can do the same!

Current activity, or lack thereof, not mixing well with the relationship? Lover has a great job, but its illegal, compromising to character and/or is just plain immoral. Possible that you are a bump on a log and doing nothing! Lazy good for nothing sum um ma bitch! LOL You have no plans for anything and don't want to do anything! Is that behavior conducive to a relationship? Some may think it's ok!

"You ain't got no money in the bank..." Money makes the world go round. Do you really need money to make a relationship work? Should one be started without money? Money doesn't make the relationship, why does it break the relationship? People get together because of common interest, physical appearance and LOVE! Did I leave out money? Should I put it in? Should both parties work, or just one? Which one? I'm not going more into gender roles and who should do what. I think that is one of the main thing that complicated the last post. Money just complicates things! lol

Can you get past something that doesn't have anything to do to you? Should past history affect the relationship? When one party has more money, how do you avoid that being a obstacle? Can you commit to someone who is broke? Why does money have so much power?

Review here if you are just tuning into the discussion. In order: Summons to Court, Father Time, to the Witness Stand, Which way should I go?, Happy What? Merry Who? Feliz Nada!!!

Happy What? Merry Who? Feliz Nada!!!

You bring home a woman to Momma or a man home to Daddy and they have the shock of the world printed on their forehead! You wonder what's the matter and what is going on! It's because you're toting a bible, while your girlfriend has ALL but her eyes and hands covered! Maybe, on Sunday morning, your man is going to church while your girlfriend thinks the Bible is just another book!

You are unequally yolked and it's not causing anyone besides everyone else a problem. Everyone has a comment! You manage to ignore them for the moment, but how long can you keep up the front? You have different religions and you don't know what to do about it! It's an issue that may or may not become a problem.

It can work! I acknowledge Jesus, because that's my Lord and Savior! Shawn and I have a slight difference of religion/belief, but it works. There is minor strain but we manage. It takes compromise and the ability to be open-minded.

The frequency of faith practice counts as well, even if you are in the same religion. Some people devote their lives to worship and religion. I don't see a problem with that! Christianity tells us to bless the Lord at all times, devote ourselves to him, do his work, to go about our Father's business (by imitating Christ). When do you have ample time to give your mate? The "what about me" idea comes up! There needs to be a balance, or does there? Religion comes first and you second right? Wrong?

Some religions are historically enemies. They just don't mix and are complete opposites. Due to today's acceptance and tolerance ideas, people are more lax in what used to be firm. Then you get into something only to potentially have conflict later. One not bending or not bending enough to the others needs! Your journey to Mecca while the other is in need! The huge elaborate company dinner in the middle of hubby's Lent! Christmas and Resurrection Sunday with an Athesist? That could be complicated . . .

Would couples with extreme differences be able to work through this? Would you advise such mixture? Maybe something that should be dealt with on that individual and not enter into the relationship? Should you bend for a religion thats not your own? Where is the line that you should not cross?

Which way should I go?

Have you ever been through these phases in a relationship?

Phase One, ACTION! I love you, I need you, and I can’t be without you! I want to move in with you! Let’s have joint bank accounts. Let’s have/adopt a baby!

then...

Phase Two, ACTION! Ummm, I don’t think we should be together. I’m still straight and I think being gay is wrong! I can’t continue to live a lie, I’m gay!

Have you ever found yourself mixed into a relationship to later found out that your partner/lover/husband/wife has mixed emotions about their sexual orientation? Catches you by surprise, right? You’re married to a man/woman only to discover he/she has gay tendencies and likenesses! You are involved in a gay relationship and find that your lover is having straight feelings and thinks homosexuality is wrong and a phase! That’s a blow to the heart, if you have invested that much in it!

Another element is how you found out! Did your lover tell you? Or did you find out? Some of the older school parents said, “don’t let me have to find out”” to whatever you did. They always wanted you to be the 1st to tell them. Same applies to the relationship. It counts a great deal!

What it boils down to is confusion. Confused lovers enter relationships without any communication of these feelings. People are led down the long path called life; making plans assuming everything is just peachy, until, the convicting message at church or that grope in the club.

Let’’s stab at this from another angle. Assuming you have a great lover that gives you ALL. What if, just maybe seduction occurs, outside the parameters of the relationship, and interest arises! Where there was no confusion before, it now has a home. It grows, and GROWS into issues!

I know that some couples would go forward like nothing has ever happened and just incorporate it into the relationship. Treat it as an upgraded relationship. Sex is better. It opens the doors of exploration! Flipping the coin, some couples this would be the iceberg to their titanic relationship. How long will it stay on top of the water before it sinks?

What do you do in this situation? How do you handle it? Can you successfully adapt? Do you move on?

If you are just tuning in, refer to “Summons to Court”. This should clear everything up!

Father Time, to the Witness Stand!

It was brought to my attention that the subjects that i intend to touch on are very touchy for one in a relationship to speak on. I pose these questions hypothetically to generate conversation. I want to open eyes to what relationships are in their entirety. This is my purpose, and enjoy!

Father Time has been called to the stand. Age what a number! It can help and hurt in different ways depending on the couple involved. It is said that age brings experience, which begats wisdom. This tends to be the case but is not necessarily true. Invertly, you may be young and have more experience and wisdom than a older person.

If the two are compatible and seem to be attracted to each other, will an age difference be an issue? If there isn't an issue, will it become an issue with time? Does it interfere with your sex lives? What about your social lives?

My man and I have a 5 year difference. we compliment and polish each other in different ways. I think there is a balance and we learn from each other. My parents had a age difference of 10 with my father being older. I believe my mother had the upper hand and held more wisdom and humbleness. (they were married over 30 years) I know a couple where there is a 21 year difference, and I honestly don't know who is more mature! (this couple has issues and are about to be together for about a year)

Would you date someone your age? Younger? Older? Why? Why not? Does it matter? Its your turn to speak!

Summons to Court

Feburary is the month which seems to include the most love throughout the entire year. Relationships thrive, commitments are made and recommitments are declared. What if your relationship was on trial? What if subjects that are taboo to relationships were brought up? Serious questions that would give needed answers! I am trying to gear the questions a posts so they apply to both hetero and homosexual relationships.

This month I will attempt to stab at many topics regarding relationships. My hope is to get feedback that will hopefully be of some assistance to someone. I will try to post two topics, one on Sunday and the other on Wednesday. I am a bit out of order by posting today but there will be another post this Sunday.

I was reading a post from another blogger, LIFE, and there was a quote that caught my attention. It was actually the inspiration for this idea. "...you will not find a perfect mate, but you need to find the person with the least amount of manageable problems." Do we ever stop searching for the person who is slightly more compatible than we currently have? Don't we deserve to get the mate we've dreamed and fantasized about?

Everyone in a relationship, in my opinion, has some problem with their mate. Their imperfections turn you from them to someone else. You see Mr./Ms (sometimes Mrs.) Slightly Better come walking right in front of you, while your mate is on your arm. What makes you think you have got gold? What makes you think you have silver and gold just walked by?