The Open Relationship

 The idea of an open relationship could be represented in the “have your cake and eat it too” cliche. I severely disagree with that logic. I feel as though you might be able to have some cake, even eat some too, but there is a cost to all of this cake. 

I’ve been involved in 2 open relationships and I am not the spokesperson for condoning open relationships. People often say they don’t work, someone is going to get hurt, or some variety of situation like that. Others may judge the relationship and talk about why you’re even in one. He/she doesn’t do it the way you want, or even the right way. Ranging from underperformance to intimacy issues all they way across the country and back! Y’all know how people are. My first relationship with Gabe didn’t work, and it wasn’t because of the open part. It was because of the abuse I got and how it was not a healthy mental space for me to be in any longer. The arrangement worked pretty well but the person in the relationship didn’t work out well at all. 

Fast track into the next open relationship with Robert, the one I’m currently in. I LOVE IT! My takeaways are so much more positive than the negative. The negative here is the jealousy and how we define and label how open we’re going to be with our relationship and the rules that govern it. A healthy relationship should be one that both parties involved can agree upon, respect and abide by. If any of those things falter, then there’s the beginning of the end of that open relationship. 

I’ll use Author as an example to how things can go wrong. I like Author. I like him as a bit more than a friend, most likely more than I should but there’s a boundary that I am not able to cross even if I wanted to. He has a boyfriend and I made a promise and a vow to not cheat AND I feel that Rob is my ONE ride or die to the end. No matter the feelings associated with him, it can only go so far on my behalf. Robert doesn’t understand why I spend so much time with him. Why I do things with Author that make me happier than doing them with Rob. He views Author as a threat, even though I was more than happy for the two to meet so he can see how the vibe exists between us two. Not as much of a threat, but prolly still a threat. Thats one aspect in one situation how things can just get complicated. 

Same scenario as before but from a different perspective. Instead of Rob being jealous, consider my feelings toward Author. Someone I like, vibe with and enjoy spending time with has a boyfriend of his own. Rob is jealous of Author, but I’m jealous because of the boyfriend. It’s not for reasons you might believe either. I’m not jealous that he has a boyfriend, I’m jealous because I love attention and because of life and his commitment to the boyfriend, I cannot get the amount of time I want from him. I’m left waiting for text replies. I can’t text or call during certain points of the week. It’s rough to have a friend who is something more than a friend and be left on a sideline. It’s worse than being the 3rd wheel or the mistress or whatever the male version of mistress is. I have a WHOLE boyfriend that I love and in addition to that I have a guy who has a boyfriend that I have more than friendly and sexual feelings for also! Oh the tangled web I’ve woven.

There’s still yet another hypothetical side to be considered. Think of Author. He’s admitted to the awesome connection. Him and his boyfriend aren’t open really. They are in a hard space and are trying to be together despite family and living situational issues. It’s hard to deal with a strained relationship and here comes a guy who you connect with who is in a relationship of his own. What is there to do. Who do you talk to about that. I have the blogosphere to talk to, I think! Idk if y’all are even reading anything I say. Do people blog still? Do they read, lol? It’s cool either way. 

The final perspective to be considered is also hypothetical. The boyfriend of Author. He’s the only one who is really out of the loop. He doesn’t know any of this is happening! At least Rob is aware of the happenings I’m having because I communicate with him about 90% of what’s occurrences. Poor boyfriend is clueless. What if he finds out? How will he find out? How will he react? What will he do? How will Author recover? Will he need recovery? Will he blame me? So many directions this whole situation can go.

All I know, open relationships are harder than traditional relationships. The amount of opportunity you expose yourself to is unreal. The temptation is unrivaled. It could be super messy or the dream of a lifetime! I thought I had it easy until Author came along and fucked things up. It’s quite a shit stir, as he’s the reason I felt the need to dust off my keyboard and hit the keys. It’s like my confessional sorta. I’ll bring you along for the ride if you’ll strap yourselves in and follow intently. 

Just Keep Wondering…