Can you choose who you are attracted to? Can you choose who you are not attracted to? Is it that simple as an on and off switch, turned on and off whenever you want? I wonder...Its so easy to say we are attracted to someone but all to often we hear "I'm not attracted anymore". I don't believe it is as simple as that. Attraction is a mental plus a physical bond. You are attracted to someones physique, their appearance, their mind and soul. These are bonds. Some are formed quicker than others but once formed, I refuse to believe they break like a dry pretzel! Its absurd and ridiculous!
Bisexuals, talking to me too lol, are funny when it comes to this. We prance around claiming to like both sexes. Do we really like both? Do we really have an attraction to each? I think that since society is more heterosexual, on paper lol, people choose to keep the attraction towards the heterosexual counterparts. Possible bonds may have been formed during the experimental stage that some journey through and, as previously stated, bonds are not easily broken! That may be another cause of Bisexuality. But, that's a whole new issue...
Ever seen someone that fits your every standard that you hold in a mate, but they are a little less that attracted? They are "OK" or "IIGHT" but nothing spectacular. Can you force an attraction on them? Can you literally make yourself like someone else? Should you do it? I really don't know. I tried to do it once but I was unsuccessful. I hear success stories but I never hear the follow-up!
Anyone care to cast an opinion?
13 thoughts:
Are we confusing emotional and physical attraction together? It sounds like people are unable to distinguish between the two of them.
I don't really have an opinion - but I think this premise of always doing constant analysis about certain states is interesting. I do it - moreso subconsciously - but, I still do it.
I don't think I have been in a relationship where I was 100% attracted to the other person in the beginning. Or I should say, not everything about him was what I was looking for. But you sometimes find something in a person that ends up being more important than perfect looks.
But then you may have already said this, I'm not sure.
@ captain: the two were not confused nor were they combined, seperate points that can be chosen by the reader to read. Try reading before you try to start an ignorant agruement.
Personally, I don't think it is easy to fall in and out of love with someone. However, for me, physical attraction for me is a different beast. My attraction to someone can and has changed with the utterance of one sentence. I don't know what's more confusing, love or my attraction for someone. So, physically you can be over someone in a second but once you get passed the physical, I believe it takes more.
People are merely attracted to strength, integrity, honesty, sincerity, intelligence, passion, etc. wrapped up in a really good package.
Certain people "fit" with certain people. It does become a very tedious journey to spend your days looking for the perfect physical body when someone may have all the qualities your really looking for in something "unexpected."
Attraction is really based off what you are "attracted to" If you want sex, you will find someone in reference to that. If you want money, same thing. If you truly want love, your attraction will open up those limitations.
I'm not saying date an ugly dude with a big heart, I'm just saying look at the beauty inside somebody, and make sure that attraction is whole.
There is nothing wrong with being attracted to women and men. I will ask this question, are you more attracted to an "ideal hetrosexual family" or a real woman with thoughts and feelings?
I love this quote from Love Jones:
"Falling in love is easy, someone tell me how to stay there."
The only reason why LOVE or ATTRACTION is fickle is because people are. We change our minds and thoughts on things so quickly, instead of really being in tuned with what we need and what matters in our lives.
I agree with the captain. It seems we are confusing emotional and physical attraction. I have never been in a relationship with a person that was 100% HOT! But often what I found with me is that if they appeal to me emotionally and make me feel good, it's almost like they grow to become physically attractive to me. My ex for example, I thought he was soooooo unattractive when we first met. However, he was the sweetest guy I had ever met. So after some months he wasn't all that ugly anymore.
@ the captain: I wouldn't sawy we are confusing the two together. Just you are. lol I am speaking of both types of attraction. I refer to the physical, mental and emotional (mind and soul).
@ curious: You are absolutely correct. There is a time when you will see most if not all of what you require in someone but never 100% The balance may come from the lookr or the emotion. It's up to you to decide whether you want the mix that person haas to offer you.
@ jay: Once you are passed the physical, I agree!
@ shawnqt: Interisting analogy, "fit". To take it a step further, every pair of jeans will not fit you well. Some accent and others well do the opposite. Once you find the best pair for you (may not be perfect) you decide on buying them! You know how long you keep jeans!
@ Humility731: Are you comfortable dating someone who "isn't all that ugly"? When you say that, thats a blow to someone's esteem! Did you ever tell him that?
I have never willed myself to be atttractive to someone and I don't think I would ever try. If I am I am. I don't see being with someone who is not pleasing to my eyes either! It is just me. Once I am attracted, I am like a fish on a hook. I am in there!
Just as I cannot will myself in an attraction, I cannot will myself out of an attraction! Physical, mental and especially emotional...
I will be honest and say that I have met individuals who I was 100%attracted to from the moment we uttered our first words to each other. Whenever it happens for me with that intensity and exactness, it is certainly not something that I can just turn off.
Maybe I'm being superficial when I say this but the emotional has NEVER happened to me without the physical first. So to meet someone who's incredibly attractive and in conjunction is emotionally attractive is a gold mine!
The flip side to it all is that with me having what I thought were such strong solid connections with those same individuals, was obviously none of the such for them...judging by their ability to not only end ties with me but cut ties....and abruptly. So, I'm with you on this.
I think you can rationalize your attraction to someone...with out a doubt...the same way if you are rejected or find out something less that desirable you can rationalize their unattractiveness into existence. But, I do believe people can be bisexual, and that most people to different degrees actually are...
JB
You will not be attracted to them long if you forced it.
@ gi: I would say that I agree, but i think i have to differ. I got to know one guy over the phone and without a picture I was attracted to him. For me, mostly, I would see the physical first. Then dismiss afterwards accordingly.
@ joey bahamas: hmmm that's an interesting thought! Most people being bisexual would tip the moral scale with everyone! I like It!
@ life: what if you continually forced the attraction forever? Could it last?
No I didn't tell him he was unattractive, thats just harsh and rude. What I'm saying though is I guess his love and emotional attraction began to overpower the physical unattraction. Before I knew it, he wasn't all that bad.
@ humility731: Hey if you like it I love it! I don't have experiences with lovers like that on that level, so I can't knock it! That is what makes a relationship so unique, just like a fingerprint!
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