Its unfortunate that bad news comes to us at the most inopertune times. At our youth, at the peak of our careers, just after entering into relationships and it hits hard! Bad news such as:
- Cancer
- Genetic Disease
- HIV/AIDS
- Any other life threatening/altering sickness or STD
It's, like I said before, unfortunate. Your partner of however long is going through something that will affect your relationship if not you at the same time. What if that "something" is contagious? Your health is at stake, so you be selfish and leave looking out for number one? Do you stay and try to work something out?
Would you date someone who Is HIV positive? In a POLL, of 158 people, 31% said yes, 39% said no and 30% are unsure. Its a risk for you every time you go in! It's very difficult to have children if the male is positive. I am not even sure if it is medically possible without transmission. Damaging hopes and dreams are very likely to crash, or will you make it bounce? How do you recover from bad news like that?
Next post will conclude the Summons to Court. This will be a topic that will run through the 29th! It must be good one, don't forget to comment on this post and come back on Sunday!
31 thoughts:
I think this is an interesting post. When I first came out to my mother, she was concerned about me having safe sex and protecting myself, and I appreciate that. She even asked me one time if I would date someone who is HIV positive. I still have not been able to answer that question. Genuine love should exist beyond any boundaries and over power any obstacle.."til death do we part". If your love for that person is truly real and sustains longevity, do you risk losing the true love of your life, or place yourself at risk?
Well ask yourself this, whats the difference between laying down with someone you KNOW has HIV as opposed to laying down with someone who you are not sure about. Either way you should protect yourself..
"Its a risk for you every time you go in!" ???
Fuzz are u talking about dating someone who is hiv positive or dicking them in the ass ????
The best rule, i agree Humility.. is to treat everyone u play with as though they were hiv positive... may be sad but "c'est la vie"!
(U got that french stuff down yet fuzzy ???)
LMAO @ponoon
Dating someone hiv positive isn't risky (if yall arent sleeping together)...BUT it kinda requires some educational knowledge on how to deal with it....
Interesting! Ponoono, Lets assume that I was talking about both. Dicking and dating! They are both types of relationships whether you believe it or not: Sexual and Emotional.
I have always been torn when it comes to dating someone who is HIV positive. I thought it to be unquestionably no to have sexual relations with someone positive. I have realized that they are people of circumstance like each of us but in a different way. They need love too!
My vote would fall in the unsure category. If i found out while i was in a relationship I would feel obligated to stay through thick and the thin! Be dedicated! Isn't that the right thing to do?
that is the right thing to do ! thick and thin...
Great topic Fuzzy.
I agree with Humility and Ponoono.
Rule number:
1. Protect yourself at all times.
There is no excuse for brothers not to protect themself.
To answer the question of if I would date someone or be in a relationship with someone that was positive IF they had let know ahead of time. If I am enjoying the company of the person and we vibe on all levels then why not. It is a lot to take on and a huge responsibility but hey, there is a thing called unconditional love.
Good topic man, real good.
Bush pushes for abstinence in HIV/AIDS patients.
I didn't know that! It prevents the spread but the quality of living goes down. Sex to some is apart of life and is a very necessary component!
Dr. Fuzz tackling all kinds of relationship issues...? Ummmmmmm otay. I comment not. LoL.
~Damnit!
I use to be against dating someone with HIV/AIDS but now its not so bad when your the one with it an the shoe is on the other foot. But I definetly wouldn't have children I would feel like im cursing my child for there entire life. Something thats not normal but what is normal now a days lol. WRAP IT UP...
This subject can be very uncomfortable for some and even unimaginable for others to even entertain the thought of dating someone that is HIV+; I truly believe that we should not allow one's HIV status to prevent us from dating them and maybe even sleeping with them. Of course we are far more educated about the transmission and how to protect ourselves form STD's. Personally I have no problem dating a person that is HIV+ and I truly appreciate it when the men are honest enough to disclose their HIV status. I met a really nice broth a year or so ago and we dated and he immediatly told me his status however; we never made it to bed because I found out about his girlfriend and other people he was still sleeping with and I really couldn't take that risk even with protection.
WHAT!?! I am not reading properly! Blaq-n-mild has no comment? lol I guess that's why we are soon to get snow... Thanks b-n-m!
@ Promiscuous X: What??? X you will need to call me. I have to understand this comment...
@ chet: I think that is a key point. Did they tell you, or did you have to find out? So many dishonest brothas out there its not remotely funny!
I would love for someone to date me! Sure! Hell I have a negative boyfriend! Here's the toe cringer, I wouldn't date someone else that is positive! That's too much viral activity going on for me! At any unprotected moment, someone's life could be MORE compromised!
I was really surprised to read the number of people who are willing to date someone who is poz. Not judging , I just didn't think that many people were that open minded. Very interesting.
I will say it this way, any love that we have that would put our bodies in a harms way position is not true and pure love created by God. We are to prosper and be in good health- that is a promise made by God! Anything we do that is deviate to those pursuits are only devices set to snare us and take us into lack, which separates us from the promise God made for us as His children.
Just think about it, would God bless the communion of you joining together with someone that has a deadly contagious disease that can harmfully destroy you? Death and sickness doesn't dwell in the promises of God, so why should I lay down and share my intimate nature with someone and perform sexual acts with someone I was forbidden to do from the beginning?
Lets face the facts, HIV/AIDS transpired from the gay community. It is their monster they created and a monster they have to slay.
Actually Fuzzy, it IS possible for a positive man to have children. I was watching a Dateline special about that, and both his wife and child are both negative (and still are).
Oh, and I would date someone who's positive.
Now this is deeeeeeeeeeeep! I dont think at this point in my life i could date someone who was positive. Not because im ignorant to the protection available because i know safe sex is just that with protection. i think for me its more abotu subjecting my family to the heartache and pain should i become infected as a result of my doings. Make sensE? Nice blog though man
It all depends on the individual whether they will stay and work through the difficulties of life. Love is a constant flowing thing. It all depends on the level of love and the relationship two people share.
interesting topic and very interesting comments... but what is the difference between dating someone that you know is and having random protected sex with someone who says they arent?
Yea - so this is interesting. But you've gotta protect yourself at all times, including the most comfortable times. It's either you remain super cognizant and don't get lost in the feelings - or risk a decision that could limit you for the rest of your life.
I would date someone HIV postive, if I felt a connection. It would be hard, but people do it. You can't help who you love. Their circustances are just that. I can weather that storm if I feel that it is worth it.
I'm always intrigued by the responses to the poll question. I would definitely date an HIV+ and even consider entering into a long-term relationship if things pointed toward that direction. A person doesn't stop being a person because their health status changes.
That's a hard one Fuzz, it's such a big risk... It's hard enogh being in a relationship with an HIV negative guy, let alone an HIV positive guy....
Ummm, what's hard about dating someone who is positive? We are people like anyone else! promiscous x said that he is positive, are we undatable? Are we unfuckable?
We, as Fuzzy said, are people of circumstance. Some of us played around and were not protecting themselves, but some of us did not ask for it and did everything according to the book and used condoms. So being a victim means we stand alone forever?
It is a difficult question, if you love the person, you love them, hiv- or hiv+. In either case you must be safe, trust comes into play also. So many variables, for me, it would have to be on a case by case basis.
This is an interesting topic.
I ran a brief attitudinal activity once for a group of people working in organizations providing support services for people living with HIV/AIDS. Almost without exception, the straight women said they would get involved in a long-term relationship with someone positive (they were all negative), but that a one-night-stand wasn't worth the risk. The gay men in the room had the opposite reaction: it seemed easier for them to protect themselves for one night than to imagine staying and possibly taking care of someone who would likely become sick, at least eventually.
As an openly positive gay man, I would ask another question. What do you think is the impact of rejecting someone who has had the courage to disclose his HIV status? If that is the experience, how long do you think the disclosure habit will continue?
And a comment to close. I have never met an HIV-positive person who wasn't extremely afraid of infecting someone else. It has been the tension that has ended many sero-discordant relationships, and the tension comes from both sides.
I was in a relationship for 7 years with an HIV+ man and never got HIV (top and bottom). You don't choose who you love, you just try to minimize risk the best you can.
I would totally date someone who's +. Things always come up...I think once you're safe and educated it's cool...besides ponoono is right...you should treat anyone your have "tings" with as if they HIV+
I always feel weird with the discussions around HIV, it's like being in the hospital with all the doctors around you talking as if you don't exist. As if somehow we are not part of you.
The first and really only point is that at least in Canada it is believed that at least 40 percent of those who are positive don't know their status, or assume they are negative.
These are the ones you are not going to discriminate against, or run away from, and the ones you will have sex with"
So like it or not, if you are out there having sex, you are having sex with guys who are positive.
IF you want to create a climate where guys go underground, hide their status, then keep up with the "neg only, must be clean" stuff on the profiles, or run if they tell you their status.
I have a history of well over ten years of serodiscordant time in relationships without any transmission. 3 boyfriends all still negative.
I'd really have to shake my head at anyone who professes to be in love with someone and then leaves because of that. All I can say is karma!
A huge responsibility, What the fuck is that about?
Responsibility, I'm not asking him to take care of my dogs for the week? laff.
Since when has going to the drugstore to pick up a pack of condoms a huge responsibility?
We all need to make the best decisions for us and our comfort level, at the end of the day I'd have to respect that.
Having put my disclaimer down, I have to ask myself:
"Do I want to date or see someone negative?"
I have absolutely no interest in having negative guys in my life who view me as a responsibility, a contagion, a teacher, or someone who needs to be spoken about in hypothetical ways.
The good news is that there are well educated, secure, got their head's on straight quality negative guys out there.
This is why I put it out there right away on my online profiles etc. It's a great way to self-select the neg guys out of the equation so I can get on with my life.
My real problem was that anytime I told a guy that I was positive that was hitting on me that I didn't like, he DIDN'T run away!!
It's so hard to figure you guys out:)
I want to answer the last question you ask. How does one recover from bad new like that?
HIV is such a sad thing to hear when you are in that doctors office think your fine and dandy. And once you hear it. Hell yeah you break down and you cry but you got to pick yourself up and move forward.
Alot of people don't even know that there are HIV poz and those you said NO, "I wouldn't date a HIV positive person" Might of have. Depending on if they asks questions, got tested together. But other than that, how did they know that they was negative or not.
Kids are possible. Maynot the way the dude wants it but I believe there are ways.
It may not be possible if the HIVer wants to have them with a HIV - person. Although there are meds that will prevent that transmission to the child but sadly not the mother. (not of that I know of, thus far). So the mom to be may have second thoughts.
Anyways life gives us lemons all the time, its what you choose to do with them. LOL yeah I know we heard that one before.
HIV positive..I don't think I could do it. I wouldn't want to take that risk. Very interesting.
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