Have you ever been through these phases in a relationship?
Phase One, ACTION! I love you, I need you, and I can’t be without you! I want to move in with you! Let’s have joint bank accounts. Let’s have/adopt a baby!
then...
Phase Two, ACTION! Ummm, I don’t think we should be together. I’m still straight and I think being gay is wrong! I can’t continue to live a lie, I’m gay!
Have you ever found yourself mixed into a relationship to later found out that your partner/lover/husband/wife has mixed emotions about their sexual orientation? Catches you by surprise, right? You’re married to a man/woman only to discover he/she has gay tendencies and likenesses! You are involved in a gay relationship and find that your lover is having straight feelings and thinks homosexuality is wrong and a phase! That’s a blow to the heart, if you have invested that much in it!
Another element is how you found out! Did your lover tell you? Or did you find out? Some of the older school parents said, “don’t let me have to find out”” to whatever you did. They always wanted you to be the 1st to tell them. Same applies to the relationship. It counts a great deal!
What it boils down to is confusion. Confused lovers enter relationships without any communication of these feelings. People are led down the long path called life; making plans assuming everything is just peachy, until, the convicting message at church or that grope in the club.
Let’’s stab at this from another angle. Assuming you have a great lover that gives you ALL. What if, just maybe seduction occurs, outside the parameters of the relationship, and interest arises! Where there was no confusion before, it now has a home. It grows, and GROWS into issues!
I know that some couples would go forward like nothing has ever happened and just incorporate it into the relationship. Treat it as an upgraded relationship. Sex is better. It opens the doors of exploration! Flipping the coin, some couples this would be the iceberg to their titanic relationship. How long will it stay on top of the water before it sinks?
What do you do in this situation? How do you handle it? Can you successfully adapt? Do you move on?
If you are just tuning in, refer to “Summons to Court”. This should clear everything up!
8 thoughts:
Phase One: By all means go for it if this the situation.
Phase Two: idicates you have doubts and do not make another move in this relationship.
Truth of the matter is, no relationship is free of some sort of conflict. I'm sure even when Laura was picking up George's drunk ass off the floor she was questioning herself and her relationship.
For any relationship to work, a person needs to know themselves and what they are willing to take. It also helps if that person listens to their partner because, and I forget who said it, but when they are telling you who they are, they are telling you who they are.
From there, the first person can decide if what they have is worth making a decision to move on or not.
Oh and as for that grass is greener, go for the gold, you never find it. Those values change all the time and are mainly superficial anyway.
LOL - actually, this happened to me once. And hear me on this...once. After that - listen - if you ain't gay (not bisexual) but gay...then ain't nothing we can discuss but news and maybe a hand of spades. I gotta say though - the boy was fine and the sex was off the chain - but, in the end that stuff fades away. He couldn't provide what I needed to maturity helped me figure out the right way to go.
I've experienced this mostly with the Church Boys. They're all gung-ho one minute, then the next minute their deliverance is coming. It's too much for me to deal with, so if you're undecided about wanting a man or a woman, keep away.
lol... I know this isn't supposed to be funny, but it is, and that's because it's happened to me before. cash is right. church boys are a trip, and I can say that because I am one. my last boyfriend tried that on me, but then like he still wanted to have sex and spend the night at my house and all this other b/s.. i'm just like, what? I thought I was sending u to hell!
I agree with Curious. You gotta decide for yourself what you are willing to deal with. For me...it's time to go if that is not what we agreed the relationship would entail.
I reserved my comment because I needed time to gather my thoughts. You see, most of you know that I am a HUGE church boy! I will not sit here and say that I do not grapple the idea of a traditional family doing traditional things. I was taught that way and if it is to leave my mind, it will not happen over night.
The best way I have dealt with this in the past is informing the people I get involved with of my standpoint. I express where I am and how I feel prior to getting into the relationship or not too long after. They can make the decision for themselves whether they wish to continue doing whatever.
I have been in both Phases. I have dealt with lovers that were in those Phases as well. Its not a real easy picnic to digest but you have to. Do what you gotta do and go on with life...
Man, if you want to see my experiences with a dude who claimed to be "bi", come on over to my blog, and search for "Poofty."
I wasnt confused about what I wanted - him. We both knew we could never have a sexually monogamous relationship, and that was cool. But I am sorry, if Im dating someone for 3 months, I expect some dick, ok?! And when I wasnt getting any (from him, lol), I had to face the fact that he truly wasnt interested in me sexually. Which is also ok, but there was no need for lying. I understand that he was most likely trying to fulfill his bourgeois, heterosexual legacy (I represented the type of woman the thought he should be with), but there was no need for deceit.
Anyway, come read about it - its a hoot!
L
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