"Nobody owes you a thing." - Revised

I was going to log on to delete this post. I thought quickly, "maybe I shouldn't." as the mouse pointer hovered over "delete post". I thought to keep it as a moment of weakness. I was low and angry. I'm not perfect and don't pretend to be. Here I am a day later, with emotions mellow, and I am thinking very clearly. I am blessed to have who I have that cares for me. Every time something that does not go my way, I get bent out of shape. I am going to try to make that a thing of the past more and more everyday. One day I will look back on these few days and see how much I have grown. Thank you for being patient in my growth.

First of all, I can anticipate this post may come off as unappreciative. It could come across as me being impatient. It will probably sound as if I am pouting. That may be true. I had to vent this out because lately, I have been holding onto sanity by a thread.

I was going through an issue with my car getting fixed and having funds to cover the bill. I have managed to gain most of the money to fix the car, but bills are closing me in. In that event, I will be unable to gain the money needed to fix the car. All of my funds will be directed towards my bills.

::Exhale::

I received a phone call, from my friend of 5 years, asking for the amount that I needed. I told her the sum. She said its yours; pay me back when you get it. I was in shock, and almost in tears. I got what I needed just in time. So, days go on and I told her that I needed the money and the car would be fixed soon. She said fine. She would get it. I said thanks again!

Tuesday is here. I get a phone call and my car is finally ready. I almost shout for joy. I give her a call and here she goes... I have to get it from my mom. GREAT! I stop by after work and she said she doesn't have it. Her mother is going to pick her up at 4 and take her to the bank. OK! I call her back at 4:30 she in the house I said I'm walking over now to get the money. "I don't have it!" she said. Turns out her money is in her mother's bank account and she wont let her touch it. "I don't know what to tell you" she stated.

I sat. I thought. No class yet again! I had no way to get to my Dr's appointment in time from work. That means I have to tell my job I can't work tomorrow. I lose needed money. A mechanic is looking for his money, and I may not be able to deliver. All fuckin because you can't control your damn spending habits to have access to your own damn money! I thought some more. She doesn't owe me a thing. Its all my fault! I expected something from someone. I put my faith in MAN.

I was the best friend I could be. I try to be the best! I try to keep all of my commitments. I try to be there when needed. I answer the phone at all times of the night. I've lied to cover for "friends" on few occasions. I am available for my friends. I would of thought the least someone could do is keep their word. All I could think about in the last 4 hours is a line from a couple other friends of mine. Paraphrasing, "Nobody owes you a thing."

It rings and rings
I put myself out there all of the time, thinking
it will come back to me.
"Nobody owes you a thing."
It rings and rings
maybe things just weren't meant to be
stumbling blocks placed to remove glee
"Nobody owes you a thing."
It rings it rings
chance awaits, time to be free
help me, help me please
"Nobody owes you a thing."


Poured from Fuzzy's spirit at 7:43