Is this good or bad?

Today is the 2 year anniversary of my mother leaving me and this ol' world. I asked the trackstar what today's date was and he told me the 22nd. I accepted it and kept my day moving. I stated I have to post tomorrow. Later on today I learned that today was in fact the 23rd. After finding out this information, little changed about my day. I was finally on my vacation having fun and enjoying myself. It wasn't how I planned my vacation being so far as finance, place, and company, but I am very satisfied none the less.

I wasn't saddened thinking about my mom. I was more bothered that I didn't think about her more. I always had this idea that I was supposed to think of good times instead of the bad. I thought of nothing. Am I moving past my experience? Am I forgetting my mom in a slow process? This is what I wanted in a way, to not be sad anymore. I don't think I wanted it at the expense of not thinking of her at all! I just don't know how to take all of this. Personal analysis is a big part of my construction. Could play a huge role in rebuilding me. I need to know why the sudden forgetfulness and its role...

Less than desired I guess

spot. None existed. I asked a gentleman, "excuse me sir, do you..." and before I could finish the gentleman loudly stated, "I I left the hotel room to move my car and my dventure begins here. I initially thought that i could just pump the meter with coins and that would be fine! GUESS AGAIN! I saw that sign that said no parking 7-9 or something like that and 4-6. its 7:03 and i need to find a parking spot. I found one but only had one quarter. That's not gonna fly. I went in search of a place to get some change. EVERY PLACE IS CLOSED! I walked around for a bit liking for a free parkingdon't have any money"!


I was taken back by this! What in hell do I look like asking some stranger for money? I'll just ask the people I know! :-) I had no markings of a beggar. a cell phone on my hip, car keys in my hand, less than runway Capri's, with matching Tims, and accessorized with a gold chain and gold ring. my fuckin ring was worth more than his whole damn outfit! Bitch please! I told the fool, ain't nobody ask him for any money. calm down and chill! all i wanted to know was there any place to park for free around here he laughed and kept on spraying down the sidewalk. You give these uncle toms a damn uniform and they act like they own shit! I have come to tell them all something different! I am disgusted and still don't have a parking spot.

Fuzzy Under Construction

Maybe this post will make it and stay on the blog! I feel some sort of wierd way. I'm upset at myself for not thinking this whole thing through on Friday. I'm upset for not letting this be a team decision since it involved both of us. I'm upset that in an effort to spare shawn and I more hurt than necessary, I sent out a mass text that miscommunicated my thoughts because I was yet still confused. I was most upset that I couldn't explain myself and wasn't quite sure if I, myself, understood what I did and why I did it.

I retreated to my friends' place for shelter and comfort. Little do they know it but it served as my hospital. Don't try to bill me either, send it to Charity Care! They were the only two friends who were presently still available to talk to and cry on. I tried to make sense of the whole thing for the entire weekend. I thought and thought, then surfed the net for suggestions, hints, info and answers. I've found a plan!

A new and improved Fuzzy. I plan on going through physical, emotional, spiritual, nutritional, financial and motivational changes. I'm going to give myself a COMPLETE makeover! I am determined to be changed. Some that I have shared this with don't believe that I can do it. My only goal may seem distantly far, unreachable, illogical and unprobable but why do I always preach and get preached to about faith and hope if I never put it to action. Faith without works is dead! Faith moves God to move for you! I would be somewhat of a hypocrite if I didn't try and step out on my faith. Some of you may be lost but I wil inform you when time calls for it.

I have finally (seemed like an age in time) spoken to Shawn. I have shared this plus more. I was so taken back when he told me he was drunk. I tried to act like it was alright but I felt it wasn't on so many levels. Please don't give up your morals and beliefs in a fit of pain and anguish. Funny coming from me because I do drink sometimes and wanted to get drunk but refused to drink while in that state. I'm surprised that the friends he was with alowed this to happen. Its whatever tho (sure I'll get a nice comment or two for that phrase)!

I'll keep you updated on my status and progress.

Not in digression, marching on with progression. I'll be new and better than ever!
Fuzzy

A Thought of Peace

While sitting here at the computer a song dropped into my spirit, Peace Be Still, by Vanessa Bell Armstrong. As I hum this song, I feel myself relaxing and entering a serene state. I open the song on youtube and it seeps further into my spirit. I read a blog about a letter with picture of a sunset. It takes me back when I would have this perfect view of the sun setting at my old house. I would sit there from like 10 minutes before the sun would even look like it was setting and just look. Something about it gave me peace. Maybe it was a symbolization of ending with a new beginning soon to come that granted me that peace.

Some may say, "Peace from what at that young age?" When I was younger, elementary school age, I was experiencing death and hospitalized family member and friend after another! Hurt, pain and exclusion. Wasn't accepted in school because I was a transfer student. Never had a friend click. I always was in want of something. Unlike many other kids, what I wanted was immaterial. That sunset brought hope that tomorrow was going to be better for me, somehow. I haven't watched that sunset since I was in high school I think. I am going to look for another spot to watch it in and wait for my peace to come.

"Come on with peace! Help me say peace!" What gives you your peace? How do you get your peace?

People Poll Questions

I'm not feeling too well today, but I am making it through. I wanted to post this last night but forgot! What do you love most about your body? I asked a few friends and I got a fair response. So I figured I would try it out here! Here are the questions:

1. What do you love most about your body?
2. What do you love least about your body? (I don't want anyone hating themselves!)
3. Do you believe that the body should be changed/pierced/altered in any way?

I love my chest/torso area the best! (I did change my answer for those who listened to me last night!) Its small but not too small. Its not defined but not overly defined. All it needs is minor work and grooming, lol, and its 100% presentable.

I love my feet the least! They are big and flat! They cause me problems at work and they make me cumbersome. They are high maintenance feet and I wanna swap them out!

I do believe that the body can be changed with modern medicine and technology. However, some things place your health at risk! You always have those people who are extremists and take it way overboard. This is my opinion! What is yours?

Job Fair!

okay this is a first for me. i am actually attending a job fair and unprepared! i planned on shaving for this thing the day before and it slipped my mind. i didn't remember this until i yawned while waiting in this rediculously long line... who comes to a job fair without shaving! GREAT!

while waiting in this line i'm noticing that there is a woman in front of me. i immediately passed a silent judgement to myself why would you wear a see-thru mini-skirt to this thing! lol i guess i know what kinda job she is lookin for haha! omar is with me and he nudged me saying she is wearing a rainbow slinky as a bracelet. i almost lost it and laughed out loud!

well this astronomically long line is moving in groups of 25. i believe omar and i are getting ready to walk in. wonder if there is anything appealing to me awaiting inside! I'll let ya'll know...

update later on today... on this post after this statement!

so i posted the above at 12:05pm est, before entering the doors of the job fair,and it is now 1:00pm est and i am back at the house! it was a total bust. i dont feel like editing this post and i wont. i'm disgusted that they charged a dollar to park there for a garbage job fair. there were only sales and financial positions. WTF!

::EXHALE::

oh well maybe another time. i am taking a midday nap! bye yall

I have an UPDATE!

I have filed paperwork for a Substitute Teaching Certificate in hopes of becoming a substitute teacher! lol

I have collected most of the money that is owed to me. rerouting it to pay for this certificate.

I have made moves in the direction of earning wages. OFF THE BOOKS!!! YAY

I am attempting to go back to school, Kean University to be specific. I'm excited on this new venture of my life. I would like to live in the dorms, we will see...

I have developed a backbone for speaking to my father about household matters and matters of our relationship.

I am bored!

2007 is coming to a close in 3 months and change. I would like to plan my holiday in advance and have some meaning to this holiday season. More joy if possible! Has anyone planned anything? Does anyone want to get together and plan something? Does anyone have suggestions on how I can make Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's day eventful?

Hello, I'm Chitty Chitty!

I met Truly Scrumptious on this weekend. She was just so amazing and funny. Let me explain because the majority of you are lost!

On Friday night, the gang and I went over to Tyson's hotel/dorm room at the Hilton. He invited a friend over and we enjoyed a night full of cards, dancing, and laughter! To finish most of the night, we ended with a force fed movie of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang! I have never seen this movie and was opposed to watching it! Everyone else was as well! But it was whatever, Tyson's room, Tyson's movie! We watched a healthy portion of the movie and I was surprised that I actually was getting into it! Then he turned it off. Oddly, comment was rendered, "From henceforth, I shall be called Truly Scrumptious"! I laughed and laughed! This came from the friend that Tyson invited over. He was funny, sarcastic, country and GAY! I loved it! I dubbed myself Chitty Chitty and others followed suit in picking their names! Simply delightful!

Food for thought: Is there any condition where cheating would be OK? Is there any condition where cheating would not be frowned on? If cheating was discussed beforehand, is it still called cheating since both parties know what is happening? Are there certain types of people who you shouldn't cheat with?

What if?

I was just wondering what would happen if there was an all gay House of Representatives, with an all gay Senate from every state, with an all gay cabinet to advise a gay President of the United States. Just thinking out loud! Can I have some feedback?

Random!!!

I took some new pics today and for once I wanted to share them with you. Doubleclick on the button below:


So I was feelin a lil wacky and I wanted to post something interesting and funny! I found this thing online and I tried it out. I got frustrated and I wanted to see if anyone could win on the "not that easy" level. Let me know how you fare!