Birthday Party

I wanted to do something different this year. I have a house party every year and I dreaded the idea of another. I thought and thought on what I could do and I wasn't able to come up with anything. I wanted to go here, wanted to go there. Didn't seem possible due to finance. I finally decided on something; a club! I spoke to a few places and got the best deals, some due to my connections with Gabe, and I've decided on The Secret Lounge in New York.

For those who are interested in coming, I will be there at 10pm Friday, April 2nd. They are opening the doors a hour early, so come out and lets bug out! It will be a whole kinda new Good Friday! You need to be on the guest list to get in at 10, so let me know. If you get there after 12, they will charge you $10. If you get there after 1, they will charge you $15. Make sure you get there early, lol! Happy Early Birthday to me!

Just Keep Wondering...

It's Hustle Time

Events have come to pass and I'm left indisposed. I gotta use my head, my social contacts and my talent to pull some dimes together. I haven't had to pull a hustle off in a good min, other than my sweet potato pies during the holiday time. I am in a financial bind and I gotta put my foot to the pavement and do what I gotta do to keep from drowning.

As funny as this sounds, I'm gonna start selling sneakers and boots. Winter is almost over and people are gonna want those fresh forces and those stylish Tims and whatever else I can get my hands on. I'm not tryin to become the next best bootlegger, but since I've been back to work, I may as well use the kids to make me money.

Don't think it's gonna end there, I got my mind cookin up some more money making methods. This is gonna make the holiday hustle look foolish! I know my creative minds out there may have some ideas to share. I'm lookin for quick money involving as little effort as possible. The more money the better. No drugs and no prostitution, lol. Don't be afraid to leave comments and suggestions!

Just Keep Wondering....

Tryin Not To Call...

There's this thing called space. People need it. It's required. When you invade someone's space, they change. Some become angered, antsy, nervous and agitated. While that holds true for what I believe to be most people, I think some remain unbothered. I'm an unequal mix of both. If u invade my space when I want u to be here, you're welcomed, but don't overstay your welcome because fuzzy will change!

Nobody's Suppose To Be Here

The last time I saw Gabe was Saturday when his pops rescued us from my stranded car. YES, THAT DAMNED CAR AGAIN!!! I got busy with work Saturday night and church on Sunday and I missed him being here. Here near me. I missed his sarcasm, his rawness, he gangsta ghetto charm, that nightly embrace, and the morning cuddle exchanging each others morning breath! I sent him a few texts and got fewer responses. Yea, I miss him.

This would be the point where I've finally fell. Didn't happen right away, but I saw progression. Infatuation never occurred, but bonding happened in a huge way. I think I impacted him more than he's impacted me. At any rate, when I think about you more times in a day than most regular things, I've fallen for you. What bothers me at the current point is acknowledging the pain I'd feel if I had to walk away. I'm pass just paying it, I'm at the stage where I'm adjusting my life in anticipation of future happenings. A major reason contributing to why I miss him.

I'm tryin not to call. We've only spent like 3 whole weeks together, why can't I give him a day or two to himself? I don't know, maybe I'm selfish... possibly stingy? Wish he'd call me...

Ginuwine - Stingy ( Live )

Just Keep Wondering...

Card Party

I have no clue who might be in the area on Friday night, March 12, at 9:30pm, but I'm having a card party in Elizabeth, NJ. If you wanna come thru, the email address is in my blogger profile. Do holla!

Add This To The List

"I party like a rockstar, look like a movie star, play like an all star, fuck like a porn star"

I really doubted that my top game was as good as my bottom game. I can bottom like nobody's business, but as a top I thought wasn't that great. I typically take my experiences as a bottom and reverse the concept for when I'm a top. I considerate of the bootyhole. I like to touch and feel when I slide in to make the experience more pleasurable. I slide my whole dick in and leave it there for ya booty to get used to my size. I don't fuck you rough at first unless you tell me to. I've had absolutely no complaints when I top. Not a one! Everyone I've fucked has made their way to a phone to call me back for more and more, then more and more! I'll have them begging me for more. When the scene has been played and its all over, my top confidence plumits! After last night, which I'll get into in just a min, I must say that my confidence is yet still high!

Last night, I got so many answers. He backed it up and bounced it up and down. I was sittin there with so much expression. Afterwards, I just held my dick and smiled...

Gabe set something up with a friend of his to give me some booty to play with. I wasn't in the mood really. I was tired from the night/morning prior, due to late night and early clubbing, and hungry because I hadn't sufficiently eaten in a good 8 hours. I was trying desperately to save my mood, but I really felt like going home and callin this booty call off. We were there and I'm an opportunist so I went for it. We chilled for a bit, drank, and then fireworks! Gabe went in first, cause dude was too busy suckin on my dick for me to just slide around and fuck him. He sucked my dick for a good 30 mins, maybe more. Dick was brick and I was grabbing energy from somewhere. The night was coming together. Gabe pulled out and tossed me a condom. I made my way in and I gotta say HOT DAYUM! I felt some freak coming out for real FOR REAL! I had him on his stomach, side, back, and on his neck with his feet touching the wall and booty hiked up in the air. I was turnin him out and gettin turned out at the same time! Gabe repositioned himself after messin wit the music to set more of a mood, so I could suck on his dick while I continued to fuck the dude. I sucked one outta his dick, leaving one of his legs shaking!

The fucking goes on... and just like Aaliyah said, "change positions, new position..." Caught him on the edge of the bed and Gabe slid in me as I was fuckin dude. OOOOOOOhhhhhhhh MMMMMMMMMM GGGGGGGG!!!!!! I could begin to describe the feeling that I got wit that! That was the first time I experienced that. I love how Gabe's dick feels in me and I was fuckin hard still on the beat! Shit, my night was set! I made the dude nut and he sucked my dick for like a good 10 more mins and I busted all over the place. I was drenched with sweat, exhausted from the fuck, and drowsy from the nut.

Bruh man said I was a beast. That dick was official and shyt. Gabe added by stating he didn't know I was a born star. He didn't think I was such an energetic top. I get more active and aggressive as a top, I wonder why that doesn't come through when I'm bottoming. hmmm... I've done much in my time, but porn star fucking and getting fucked while fucking are both new to me. I'll have to add those to my list of experiences!

Just Keep Wondering...

Chippin In...

I'm beginning to realize that Gabe likes me more than he is letting on. He's tellin me that he just likes me, but he can't express exactly how much. He will only admit it's a large amount. Large, as indicated by him seemed like a good amount, but nothing really to plan anything solid on. Last night, something happened. We went out, on a tuesday night, a work night, because he was in a mood to hear one of his favorite DJ's. Turns out we didn't get to the specific spot where he was playing, so we ended up at the Hanger (don't call me on that name, it was late!) I went out because I wanted to spend some time with him in a atmosphere comfortable to him. We've chillin in my environment for the majority of the time and I had to bend for him.

Gabe has this joy for music that I've never seen before. I've seen people say that "music is my life" but I haven't seen someone actually portray that phrase. I went to every radio station this morning and he named every song, year released and some of the writers and composers for each song. From jazz, to hispanic beats, to hip hop, gospel, country and more, every song was named. I checked up on it to see how accurate he was, he didn't miss one beat! We went in and there was disco playing and I say him doing his two steps and stuff. He was tryin to show me how to dance to that genre of music, and he was unsuccessful. I'll get it, but it took me awhile to be comfortable dancing to pop, hip hop and rap, it's gonna be a min before I get this.

On the way back home, about 4 hours ago, he played a variety of song mixes that he said expressed the way he felt about me. It was more along the lines that he really liked me, on some real serious level, but I shouldn't let it get to my head. How he feels all bubbly and confused at the same time. He's giving me the impression that I'm making him feel a way that feels great, but he wasn't expecting to feel this way. Almost like he's fighting it. He's stopped some of his smoking habits and has used me as an excuse. If I can influence you to shange something about yourself, I think my pressence has much value!

I'm still not knowing where things may go. Things speed up, then they slow down, then speed up again to only slow down. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to hold him down for me and call him my own. I'm not sure if he wants to do the same to me. Time will unfold and we shall see.

Just Keep Wondering...

Back To Work

Seems like I've been blacklisted, from my first job, and it really didn't feel too good. Prior to today, I've worked all of 2 days. My bank account is like "WHAT" and I keep seeing that balance drop and that's not cool. Well I showed up and said my lil piece about not having work, and I feel I was fed a lot of BS. I did receive an assignment for 3 days for makeup testing, but that is just going to put pressure on the wound, it's not going to heal it. I'm thankful none the less and I'm here at work doing absolutely nothing!

I got here and they were like, "we really don't need you here." I responded with, "uhhh I drove here, after I was told to come, and you're telling me I don't need to be here?" She looked and we stared for an awkward 10-15 seconds. She made a page and arranged some BS assignment for my day. I have 2 classes, out of a 9 period day, to actually do some sort of work. I'm gonna take my money, but I'm not exactly happy about having to keep myself alert to get through a non productive day. On the up side, I ain't gotta do shit! hahaha

I've sent my Mornin Manna about attitudes and moods and such and so forth and I think I'm gonna have to check mine. I've heard from other coworkers that I've been on people's lips more often than I should. Might I add, not in a positive and nurturing way. I gotta love my haters, really I do. Without haters, I feel like I might not be doing some things right. If nobody is talking about you, you either hang around swell people, and that's applaudable, or you're not doing anything worthwhile to be talked about! So, to all my haters in the place: DA DA DA DA!!!

In other news, Gabe and I had a lil heart to heart about me. Very beneficial and helpful in the effective development of my character. I never had someone give me a pep talk about my self worth and make it hit home, make sense, while not offending me. Then he finished with saying, "but I still like you." He initially asked me what I needed from him, I didn't have a prepared response. I started blurting things that I needed, or so I thought I needed, that would generally apply. Based on my response, he pulled together that I had traces of low self esteem. That bitch, low self esteem that is, behaves just like an unwanted disease. It just lingers and lingers. I'm gonna work on me just a lil bit more. Always room for growth, ya know?

Just Keep Wondering...

Strain

I've had a roomie since the beginning of February. I've been talking to Gabe since the beginning of January. In the last two weeks, Gabe has been here every night and roomie has been here because he lives here. I have a decent sized apartment, for 1 person, not for 3! Its been a lil crowded and I'm beginning to feel cramped. I'm very much enjoying the company that they give me, but dayum! I wanna breathe!

Just some lil things that I've been noticing. The toothpaste tube is squeezed the wrong way. Bread is eaten up before 2 days are gone. Juice is gone and not a carton has been replaced. my bed is always messy. My floor is cluttered. I cook AND CLEAN. Let me explain the last one. I was raised in a household when you cook for the house, the members of the house cleans. I don't understand how you can eat good cooking almost every night and never offer a hand to wash a damned dish! Especially after i purchased paper plates for you to eat on and you eatin on my glass plates! ugghhh. The toilet, bathroom sink and shower needs to be cleaned more often. This is just getting old...

I think I'ma have to set some rules in order cause I can't go on doing things like this. I wont! This shit will give me a headache! Two extra heads in my apartment is straining and it's draining the life force outta me. I'm tired enough as it is, I don't need any help to usher me to exhaustion!

Just Keep Wondering...

Gabe

Yea, you guessed it. The post is about a guy that I've talking to. Its been 2 months since we've met and, despite best efforts, I seem to be developing some sorta feeling for him. Ugghhh, sounds like I'm not satisfied? I'm not. This one has many hangups, but before that, lemme give you a lil run thru about the guy.

Gabe is 31 years old, 6'4", approximately 170-175 lbs, maybe 34 inch waist and to me slightly more than average looking. I wouldn't call him great, but he's not ugly either. He's a DJ by leisure profession and works for some insurance company. He recently went back to college to finish his bachelors degree in communication. He's the youngest of I believe 3 or 4 children and currently lives with his momma.

On to the more interesting details. He's a top that's pleasantly endowed. He's a freak, and we do alotta freaky things. I met one of his very close friends and we was talkin one day and she told me that I was about the same caliber freak as Gabe was. Then followed with, "but you don't get freak from you unless you open your mouth. You look calm and timid". She basically called me a closet freak. I went with it. Some of my close friends that know anything about me know I ain't got no shame in my game and I gets down and dirty wit the best of them. Getting back on subject, I also like the way we hold each other. Its difficult for me to hold someone in the bed while I/we sleep. I just fall into his arms and his tall behind falls into mine. Its great to be held, but even greater to know someone wants me to hold them. People say it's nice to be needed. I can vouch for that. I also like his teeth, which lead into a very nice smile. Smiling is very important. It may sound odd, but another thing that I like is that he said he would never put a ring on my finger or any other mans finger. "Not my thing" Works out great for me! He's intellectual and gives me the world from a whole new view. He cares! That's a big one, hard to find someone that cares for you.

Now on to what I don't like. He's a top! He's a heavy smoker, I wont get into exactly what. He has so much going on in his life right now. Between school, work, his very strange relationship with his parents, I feel like I may be an extra. He bends rules for me. He loses track of time and becomes lax around me. He says I make him too comfortable. He doesn't get much accomplished when he's around me. He's in school, he has to get the work done and be to class, and I'm making him fall behind. He's bisexual. He already said that he likes females more than males, but he's been content wit me for the last 2 months. I don't wanna be left for another gender. I don't believe he will be able to chill wit ma friends either. It seems as though they are from different worlds. I see a headbutt about to happen. I've seen this scenario unfold before and, from how it played out before, I will become estranged from them.

We've already established that we're into each other and don't exactly know how to define the feeling. It's mutually agreed that we're in deep like for each other and the feelings grow stronger. He now kisses me every time we greet and depart. he calls to see how I'm doing. I call to check in on him to make sure his momma ain't kill him. He lets me wash his ass and he washes my dick. I've did numba 2 wit him in the bathroom and vice versa. We just have crossed some lines that border fuck buddies/two people who are dating and being in a relationship. The whole thing is clearly undefined and we are taking it on a day to day basis.

He should be getting outta class soon. I wanted to surprise him with some dinner. I gotta get to cookin and stuff... What to make? What to make?

Just Keep Wondering...

2010 at a Glance

I want to be able to take advantage of my time, using my days, months and years to the best of my ability. I've recently limited my outings to beaches, movies, and restaurants. I'm going to be doing things quite different this year. The only thing I want to accomplish this year is 1 thing from this list:

• Traveling outside of the continental US (Hawaii will not be eligible)
• Go camping (pitch a tent, deal with nature and build a fire type of outing)
• Kayaking (been trying to do this for like 2 years or more)
• Visit a southern state and stay there for a week (Florida, Louisiana, Georgia, Texas or California)
• Go on a cruise
• Go on a random road trip
• Maybe skiing for the winter months

Quite frankly, I'm tired of staying in this boring state of NJ. I'm tired of doing the same ol things. I am frequently held back by friends with reservations and inhibitions. I can't do that this year. I'm gonna do me. If you wanna join in then fine. If not, then fine. I hope to do more than 1 item on the list, but my goal is to do at least 1. I'm open for anyone who may want to tag along and participate.

Just Keep Wondering...