Knocked Out By My Faults!

Sigh, so here I am. Sitting here with Shawn having a personality discussion. My personality has been spotlighted. I don't know what to do! do I stay do I go, do I change or do I remain steadfast! It has been brought to my attention I have a few "character flaws".

The kinda of person that I am is one who tried to make everyone comfortable and I will put forth 100%, or very close if not more than 100%, effort to make sure people like me. I will even take it a step further, if I to see that you have a problem with me, I'll find out what it is. Then, I'll try ti fix it make amens so fourth and on. Problem in this scenario. It seems as though my "character flaws" were rendered by a group! So I asked, "what were they?" I do not think i was ready to hear what was said! That I act caddy, shady and dismissive. I said, "HUH"! It reminded me of this clip:

It caught me by left field that I was like wow! I really wanted to make an attempt to change despite the devastating blow. I do believe I was being denied the chance. It has me a lil low even though I am trying not to show it. Should I try to fix this, or should I break tradition and leave things things as they are? I understand that everyone won't like the charming fuzzy as I like to be known as but why can't I try to be liked by everyone?

Mixed Emotions

My long awaited departure from my job has finally come. YaY? No YaY? I really would've thought that today would be a happy day, a cheerful day even! I woke up and I have a feeling of blah. Its very similar to a dreadful feeling or a bad feeling of anticipation (like the feeling you get when you are getting ready to get a beating from daddy) lol!

I am thinking back onto previous jobs and seeing my downfalls. What made me hate the jobs. What made me leave them? What made me not want to go back? I want to make the correct next job choice based upon these answers. Yes that's right I am quitting my job without having one in line before. I am okay with that because I have fallout plans and backup plans up the whazoo. I WILL NOT FALL ON MY FACE! I don't like falling, lol... I had a plan of going into teaching, a cooking teacher to be more specific. I would need to go back to college for another 4 years. There might be a loophole in there somewhere but I will into that more on my extended vacation. Before I go ahead and spend money and time going to school for another 4 years I would like to know if I would even like teaching. So, I venture into the world of substitute teaching. If I don't like it I saved myself money and time, if I do then I found a career!

On a side note, somebody asked me how many people I send my "Word 4 Today" to and I honestly didn't know. I went back and counted the number of recipients and it totaled 78! I was shocked that 78 people are inspired my my word every morning. I am planning on doing a weekend email of an extended "Word 4 Today" The time is finally here for the email! and if all goes well, it may turn into a weekday thing as well!

Oh I know I am probably the last person that needs to talk about weight, but I gained 12-14 lbs back in the Feb-March period. I don't know how or where but it pasted itself on me somewhere. I have changed my diet around and saw some results but they were temporary. I am now happy to say I am 3 pounds away from where I used to be, 155lbs!

Well its about time that I go start my last day of work, Y'all wish me luck!

Cupcake

I wanna make a shoutout to my baby cupcake! He has been there for me and i just wanna be the icing on him! I love you Shawn, aka Cupcake!

Church Folks, A Social Class?

I was sitting in the choir stand at church. I was thinking to myself about my behavior and the behavior of other church people while they are in church. After much thought, I have come to the realization that many people who call themselves christians tent to place themselves on pedestals! I fell victim to this as well! Let me explain this...

There are the church people that come to church to show off their money. You have the people that see what kind of hand out they can get (not talkin about the spirit either)! I can't forget the ones that come to sit and cause trouble with their backbiting and gossip! Oh what about the phony people that come to tell you one thing and as soon as you turn around they're doing exactly what they told you not to do! HYPOCRITES! The bosses of the church, you know the ones that really have NO AUTHORITY whatsoever, are the ones I roll my eyes at!

I really place myself in the gossip corner. Is it gossip if it is the truth? If it isn't I take it back lol! Seriously though I think you can separate the church from everyone else because I truly believe that they/we think believe they/we are better than everyone else because we have Jesus.

Can someone shed their opinion and let me know how you feel about this?

Anyone Can Cook!

I guess I have been feeling that maybe I couldn't handle myself in the kitchen the way I should. I haven't had much chance to shine like I want. I cont have opportunities to be creative. I have been cooking since I was in the 5th Grade and it seems as though I am taking a back burner instead of being front and center where all the attention is. I like attention!

In the Pixar movie, Ratatouille, there were multiple moments of inspiration and enlightenment that just seemed to slap me in the face. One of the most important concepts and ideals put forth in the movie is "anyone can cook"! Meaning that maybe everyone may not be an artist, but an artist can come from anywhere. I was examining myself throughout the whole movie and I must say there were many things in the movie I needed to hear. I am encouraged to be me and more original. While I will continue with my goal of being a cooking teacher, I will also endeavor on making a name for myself. I doubt that I will be the next Escoffier or an established chef in La Caesar Ritz Hotels, but who knows? I could end up better than them. All I have to do is try! This is what I haven't been doing, TRYING!!!

Moving on with business and onto another note, most of my close friends are aware that I am in search of a new place of employment. I am reaching out to the couples in relationships right now; does work schedule affect your relationships? I mean currently I work 6-3 and Shawn works 9-5. We both work Monday - Friday. My field doesn't exactly like to give weekends off lol. When I change jobs most likely it will be a night job with few, if any, weekends off. I need to know how ya'll deal with it. Please shoot me some suggestions!

So I plan on giving myself a vacation. I wish to set myself up with $2000 and place it on the side. This will cover my monthly expenses for two months, as well as gas money and $500 spending money. (I've worked on a budget before, I am sure this will be piece of cake!) I intend on taking the remainder of the summer off once I reach my goal of $2000. I need to relax and take some time for myself. If I can save up another G then maybe I will go on a cruise! I gotta hustle though... lol!

The Art of the Nose!

You know, the nose is a wonderful thing! Hmmm or is it? I mean its used for necessary day to day activities. activities like smelling are very important. it controls your appetite, effects your mood and emotions.

lets now talk about the physical aspect of it. The nose, most often times is the facial feature that portrudes from the face. here lies the problem, some of these noses poke out so far that they end up in other peoples business! I mean, they make pinnochio look GREAT! On last friday my cashier left work early. it was cool i covered her when she left. the dish washer so boldly stated, "when Rhashidah get in that courtroom, she better keep her big mouth shut if she knows whats good for her". i said that was alot! that was not even warranted lol. but its iight... i will keep my nose as slose to my face as possible. i am out for now, its gettin busy at work...

uhhh OMG

ok, so Shawn loves the sims... but I think I have an issue... As you can probably imagine I am in the game. I AM THE FUCKIN MISTRESS! Shawn is married with kids and I am who he creeps with. what kinda stuff is that... sigh of depression enters here...

Next on the plate is my dad. (exhale) my aunt caught my dad smoking weed like 3 to four weeks ago. less than 5 days ago, I believe on sunday, he was caught smokin it again by my lil cousin AND aunt. I have a thing with hypocracy. I DON'T LIKE HYPOCRITES!!! he sets a bad example for his family and poses as an upstanding christian man! I caught him smoking cigaretts, crack and found coke in my house... this shit is rediculous! he is 69 years old and I can't take this anymore! but I can't do anything to change him... its up to him to change. but at the same time he is mad old. despite my ill feelings toward him i don't wanna see him OD or come in the house and find him dead. sigh...

moving on... I had a dr's appointment today and everything checked out. Just a lil low on iron but not significantly low... I get to work and my boss sends me home. "there's no work for you to do now" GREAT (thats a sarcastic great if you didn't pick up on it) I am making this statement now, "I vow to shut his business down if he ever fires me"! I have enough shit on him to run his name into the mud. I know local news people and magezine writers that I will contact to get his name publicized. I swear to black list him and run his name into the ground. There is no fury like a black gay man scorned! Don't play with me!

final phase i am preparing to go the summer without a job... I figure I will need about $2000 till last until september. That will cover rent car note and insurance. I can finally focus more on my catering which will supply me with my gas money... 2 birds with one stone. relaxation and business venture... YAY

OKAY I'm ending here... I guess its alot written here... lol I think I got carried away... Oh Well... talk to ya'll later!

I started the post @ 11:30am, its now 3:42pm

my past week, let me recap! I worked all week, suffered from allergies starting on thursday, missed a 4sum, went to a bbq and got some head (thanks baby)! :-D

its been kinda boring lately. i have been lacking energy also... could be this dreadfully draining weather! sigh... i need some excitement and i need some soon. I wanna go to a sex party with shawn to see what its like. there is this freak that used to come out all the time before i met shawn. but now its tryin to come out.

ok now i am filling in for the deli girl (backstabber) because she went on vacation. this is the woman that told my boss to let me stay out a whole week... i was so bitter towards her for 2 days. i was gonna get her back. then i was reminded "vengence is mine, saith the lord"!

this has turned into a 3 hour post lol but back to a previous thought after many distractions (boss leaving work on emergency and cash register breaking running out of lettuce and sandwich wraps) so i'm liking the idea of the 4sum but i don't wanna share shawn, he's mine lol ALL MINE! I'm not against being adventurous, so ya'll shoot me some ideas and then maybe i can share some results ;-)

Just a Question

If you were getting ya booty eaten out and you really had to fart, what would you do?

&

What have you done or would do in the event of needing to use the bathroom while having sex?

I need answers...

lol

Oppurtunity Unfolds!

ok, so now that I have graduated, i have been back and fourth about changing jobs. I will not see a raise until september, which will be my year anniversary. While I would love to celebrate my anniversary (please note sarcasm), I would like to move on with my life and begin achieving my life goals.

So here is what happened... On this past friday I didn't feel well and I was moving very slow because I was tired. My boss sent me home out of disgust! Hell, I left! I went to the Dr's and he told me to relax and ordered bloodwork on Monday. So, I went Monday and almost passed out! I was terrified; my life flashed before my eyes as the room went dim... moving on (thats a whole other post in itself!) Yesterday, Tuesday, I still felt weak so I called out. He called around noontime and he instructed me to take the rest of the week off and come back on Monday with a Dr's note. I'm like WTF! I feel good today... but I will get a note and rest and use this week to find another job. I have resisted change for too long now. ITS TIME FOR A CHANGE!

I have now found a way to get around this complicated phone, once more, and laying in bed relaxing and sleeping late posting from my phone! how GREAT! I hope this means I will post more often...
Well I am going to finish this resume and go somewhere and print it out and go fill out some job applications and some places online too! Ya'll wish me luck. I'll let you know how it turned out...