A Long Walk

I came home from Eric's house this morning, about an 2 hours ago. I put my rent in the mail and decided that I was hungry. I was in a good mood. I was feeling limber. I chose to walk to the store to get some milk. I didn't choose to walk to the store 6 blocks from my house, I chose to walk to the store that was close to Twin's house, about 2 miles away. (lemme google the distance... 2.1 miles) It was a brisk walk to say the least. It was me, the streets and the sound of passing cars and tardy students.

I was told that boredom is needed so one can think on themselves. I can say that I wasn't bored but, since there was nothing else to do, I did begin to think on myself. Thought about Eric, my career, my skills, my jobs, my life status, current desires, what kind of cereal I was going to eat when I got home, and how much longer it would be till I got to this stupid store! I realize that I'm in a standstill right now and I'm not making progression. I'm receiving assistance for finance, but I don't want to have to clutch onto that assistance forever. I see people use and abuse the system and create reasons and excuses for their laziness. I wish to accept the help while I need it, get myself together, and do better for myself.

Last Thursday, after my run/walk, Eric drove me through his old neighborhood, the forest hill section of Newark. He showed me his house he used to live in before he decided to move back home to aid his recently deceased mother. I saw all of these huge houses. Hell, they're big enough that I could call them estates! I had never been up there in those parts. While I was in his truck, I began to dream. Dream of what life would be like for me one day when I get dealt the right hand and I play the cards perfectly. Dream of having that house, with the car, the job and a mate/lover. I got starry eyed, I admit. I was never one for a dream. I just wanted to make it. I just wanted to live. So, as I walked I pondered these things. I thought on what I could do to advance myself. I contemplated what my first step would be towards self improvement. I decided that I needed to tighten up all my loose ends: school, living situations, and transportation. All of these are somewhat shaky. They remain unfinished or I'm not satisfied with the status of them. I need to finish school. I need a better apartment, that I will be satisfied with. I need a car that I don't have to worry about a light coming on in the dashboard every time I get in it! Finishing these loose ends will enable me to concentrate on more important things like my career and long term goals. Life is just too short for me to sit around doing nothing.

I get back home. I sit with a melancholy feeling. I poured the Honey Nut Cheerios and my 2% milk and sat in front of the screen to type to you. Yeah, the Cheerios are good; the walk was better! Gonna finish up here, send my Mornin Manna text out and take a lil nap. Finish cleaning and see what my evening has in store for me.

Just Keep Wondering...