This may get a lil lengthy, I had a few things on my mind and they were pressing me. So, I apologize in advance, I don't like to write extended posts because I take people's attention span into consideration. Here I go... the topics are in large colored font.
Worked Out!
Eric and I went jogging in the park. its been about a month since I was outside jogging in nature. I've been jogging indoors about 2 miles. It's so different jogging outside when its cold, opposed to the 70 and 80 degree weather. I checked the ol G1 for the current temperature and it told me 52 degrees! The next time I do something ignorant like that, I'll have a headband on to keep my ears warm. I felt like they were throbbing! Fuzzy isn't so happy in the cold elements. I prefer the warmth any day of the week!
I did about a mile close to two, which included many inclines and declines and I felt my lungs calling for reinforcements. I was trained to push forward and not to stop and never quit. I tried to keep up with this man, this 42 year old man. He began to inch forward; I was slowing down. After about 5 minutes of pushing and pushing, my lungs went on break and said "be back soon"! I gave the go ahead after about the 3rd mile and began to walk. I was satisfied that I pushed and did more than I normally would. I'm not gonna forget that a 42 year old man outdid me!
Off the Market!
Last night, after the run, Eric and I had a conversation. It started out with a question at the Chinese store, well after we left the store. It made me uneasy because I thought he was going to ask me something that was going to require masses amounts of thought. Either that or it was gonna be so far in left field and take me by surprise and I'd have difficulty answering. It was neither of those. He asked me if I was seeing anybody or dating someone. I said no. He also asked me was I giving somebody else the impression that we were in a relationship. I said no. I told him the only thing I was doing was entertaining. I told him that he was the only one that I was seriously thinking about on a daily basis. Which is a true statement. He smiled. Good right? WRONG! Apparently, when Eric smiles, it means the opposite of what's seen. He was bothered. I was confused. I asked what was wrong. He told me that his instincts told him that I wasn't being completely honest with him.
I gave him a detailed breakdown of everyone I was entertaining, and the situations surrounding them. He was still uneasy. I was getting scared. I was thinking, "I'm being honest with this guy and its not even enough, why?" I asked him why he felt uneasy and he replied, "your phone!" In confusion, I asked him what the issue was with my phone. He said its always going "New Message" and you always reply every time something comes in. I told him that I have emails coming through to my phone from work, from personal email, text messages and instant messages alike. I have many of friends and associates that text rather than phone call. I'm a victim of my generation that has that addiction to cellphones and technology! I understand his concern. Then he asked to see my phone. *WHAT?* I obliged and showed him my text messages. Granted, my phone isn't clean but I was willing to show him a bit of me and that I'm not going to hide anything. I had explanations for everything, and honest ones. I saw that uneasy "instinctual" smile that he was wearing. I didn't like it.
I was asking myself, for the entire time this convo was taking place, "what am I going to do to ensure that I still keep this guy around?" My response was to remove myself from the market. I have to remove those other guys that are not a direct possibility and focus on this one guy, forsaking all others. I'm still single, but, in my view, I am officially seeing someone. I'm off the market, placed on hold for one customer. Hopefully, Eric picks me up!
Worked Out!
Eric and I went jogging in the park. its been about a month since I was outside jogging in nature. I've been jogging indoors about 2 miles. It's so different jogging outside when its cold, opposed to the 70 and 80 degree weather. I checked the ol G1 for the current temperature and it told me 52 degrees! The next time I do something ignorant like that, I'll have a headband on to keep my ears warm. I felt like they were throbbing! Fuzzy isn't so happy in the cold elements. I prefer the warmth any day of the week!
I did about a mile close to two, which included many inclines and declines and I felt my lungs calling for reinforcements. I was trained to push forward and not to stop and never quit. I tried to keep up with this man, this 42 year old man. He began to inch forward; I was slowing down. After about 5 minutes of pushing and pushing, my lungs went on break and said "be back soon"! I gave the go ahead after about the 3rd mile and began to walk. I was satisfied that I pushed and did more than I normally would. I'm not gonna forget that a 42 year old man outdid me!
Off the Market!
Last night, after the run, Eric and I had a conversation. It started out with a question at the Chinese store, well after we left the store. It made me uneasy because I thought he was going to ask me something that was going to require masses amounts of thought. Either that or it was gonna be so far in left field and take me by surprise and I'd have difficulty answering. It was neither of those. He asked me if I was seeing anybody or dating someone. I said no. He also asked me was I giving somebody else the impression that we were in a relationship. I said no. I told him the only thing I was doing was entertaining. I told him that he was the only one that I was seriously thinking about on a daily basis. Which is a true statement. He smiled. Good right? WRONG! Apparently, when Eric smiles, it means the opposite of what's seen. He was bothered. I was confused. I asked what was wrong. He told me that his instincts told him that I wasn't being completely honest with him.
I gave him a detailed breakdown of everyone I was entertaining, and the situations surrounding them. He was still uneasy. I was getting scared. I was thinking, "I'm being honest with this guy and its not even enough, why?" I asked him why he felt uneasy and he replied, "your phone!" In confusion, I asked him what the issue was with my phone. He said its always going "New Message" and you always reply every time something comes in. I told him that I have emails coming through to my phone from work, from personal email, text messages and instant messages alike. I have many of friends and associates that text rather than phone call. I'm a victim of my generation that has that addiction to cellphones and technology! I understand his concern. Then he asked to see my phone. *WHAT?* I obliged and showed him my text messages. Granted, my phone isn't clean but I was willing to show him a bit of me and that I'm not going to hide anything. I had explanations for everything, and honest ones. I saw that uneasy "instinctual" smile that he was wearing. I didn't like it.
I was asking myself, for the entire time this convo was taking place, "what am I going to do to ensure that I still keep this guy around?" My response was to remove myself from the market. I have to remove those other guys that are not a direct possibility and focus on this one guy, forsaking all others. I'm still single, but, in my view, I am officially seeing someone. I'm off the market, placed on hold for one customer. Hopefully, Eric picks me up!
What will you do?
As a single person, guy or gal, what are you willing to do to be with someone? What are you willing to change about yourself in order to be with someone? Do you think sacrifice is healthy to be able to be with someone? In the same respect, what wont you do? What will you not compromise? What wont you change?
I'm not saying that I'm changing or sacrificing anything, but I will say that I am doing some things differently than I have done in the past. I think I need to do things differently to yield a different result, hopefully a better result. I've never taken myself off the market for a prospect, but only after a decision has been made to officially be with someone. I wonder how this will turn out. I'm going to be contacting these prospects and telling them to fall back and to be easy. If not, there is a "sent to voicemail" feature on my phone that can always be used. Freezing and deleting online accounts and going through phone and deleting the loose ends and compromising material. If I'm going to seriously consider being with Eric, I want to show him I'm serious about it!
Just Keep Wondering...
4 thoughts:
WOW! Thoroughly impressed grasshopper! You've said in other post that 2009 will bring change for you...Well apparently it has also brought GROWTH to your doorstep.
As for what I would/wouldn't change.
I think when you make a decision directly or indirectly to interact with someone you are accepting that you are two very different people from very different environments and the lessons you may have learned MAY NOT be the same ones they learned. So it takes time to mesh well and coexist in the same space romantically or otherwise. That is the important piece of the puzzle that many seem loose, er, under the couch so to speak. Sacrifice is not only healthy it is NECESSARY! It just makes the relationship smoother...
I will not do or engage in anything that will embarrass myself or my family, the name that I carry, or anything that will make me feel like shit in the morning because I know better! AND I REFUSE TO SETTLE... I've had the CEO's, Directors, and VP's...but at the end of the day the money and luxury is not mine therefore it won't keep me!
I read this a couple of hours ago but I didn't really have anything to say. I still don't other than I'm not there so I don't really know what's going on but it still doesn't feel right. Anyone who is willing to go through your private stuff without even putting a ring on it, is willing to control who you see, talk to and communicate with when they do because of their own insecurities which will probably never go away. But like I said, I'm not there and I've lived too many years being me to start trying to be someone else now. So just listen to yourself and you'll be able to figure out how far and in which direction you'll be able to go in.
I think Eric is worth it...
Where are you guys registered at? Barney's or Bloomies? Sounds like theres going to be a wedding soon.He's already evading your space and privacy. Damn! Okay I'll be a good aunt and keep my mouth shut.
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