Left Outside Again! 8/30/08

Lets not forrget about the poll to the left. I try to always keep an active poll running... cast your vote now!!!
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Maybe I'm selfish. Maybe I'm an attention whore! I could be pitiful, or I could just be over reacting.

I really am lonely. I didn't think Reggie leaving was going to have such an impact on me. I genuinely thought that I wouldn't be talking with him regularly. I didn't think we would have grown close but we did. I thought I could deal with his move and I wouldn't miss him, but I do!

Lately, I've been waiting to chill with X and Twin! Twin has become a dear friend to me, and X has been there many times. They are my very best buddies! for real for real! Outside of seeing them at Reggie's party this past Saturday, I haven't chilled with them in weeks! I'd dare to say that I feel left out. Every time I lift my head they are with Shawn. Every time I send a text, They are with Shawn. I heard stories about places they've gone with Shawn. Shawn Shawn Shawn SHAWN!!!! Damn!

I was left out. I don't know whether it was by Shawn's request, but still I was left out. I don't wanna be around Shawn like all the time. I wanna give him his privacy. I would like friend time every now and again. I've done it once. When I went to the nude beach, I didn't invite Shawn. I just wanted to be comfortable. I didn't want Shawn being uncomfortable seeing guys flirting and talkin to me. I wasn't really interested in seeing the same! So the invite was lost. It WAS extended to X and Twin! They declined! Probably made plans with SHAWN! :(

Someone mentioned to me that maybe I should begin to start making friends that don't know Shawn. I initially thought no! Why would I need to go out and make more friends when the friends I treasured and held dear to me are actin up? I started to think that friends were a hindrance to happiness; I almost convinced myself! Then, I calmed down and began think sensibly. It wasn't a bad idea! Why the hell not? Oh, I know! That takes time to do! Making an effort to get to know somebody! Getting to know what they like and dislike! The whole process of meeting new people in an effort to make them a friend is way too long! That will be something that will happen by accident, not on an agenda! lol

I was talking to a potential friend, another post coming not to far behind this one, about this issue. He told me he saw a great deal of pain in my eyes. He advised me to bring it up and talk to them about it. Maybe it was simply an oversight. The glass of my eye and the twinkle in the corner lead him to believe that I really was passionate about those two knuckleheads! lol I don't like feeling like the guy holding a frosty glass dome, with a city if life thriving inside. Knowing whats going on and not being able to participate or see the event of desire. I hate being left outside!