Saturday, Reggie's going away party.
I have attached myself to Reggie, even though I thought I wouldn't. I have tried to distance my mind from him leaving only because I didn't want to enter this state of depression and saddening. Every time I get close with someone they leave! It's either that or I do something to mess up the friendship, knowingly or not.
The parties that go on at Shawn's place are very sex-esque (probably not a word!). There's an atmosphere of fun and flirting going around. There is nothing wrong with that. It's interaction and a good time. However, I got there at the segment when it was only Reggie, Shawn, Charles and myself there. It was awkward. I really wanted to to be comfortable but I was incredibly uneasy within myself. I didn't wanna say anything out of order. I didn't wanna say too much at all! I just wanted to be good. I have never been uncomfortable in the house (note still referring to it as "the" house as opposed to his house), not one time!
People begin arriving one by one and begin removing some of the tension in the house. I was relieved to somewhat of a slight degree. The party started and I was in my shell. I didn't wanna come out. I actually wanted to leave. I have a tendency of always placing my foot in my mouth all of the time saying the most off the wall things and doing the most out of the way things! I waned to avoid all of this and go home. It was Reggie's party and I was already there. May as well start enjoying myself. I had a drink and loosened up. I had a shot and got even more loose. I had 3 more vodka and cokes. I had 2 sweet drinks that Reggie was so kind for me to make for me. Then followed with 4 cups of Twin's punch (Get Right). I was good now! I was so far out of my shell I didn't even know where the shell was!
Luckily for me, I had eaten a good amount of food. All that liquor saturated the food and I was being held drunk for the rest of the night. My food just wasn't moving, AT ALL! I began to lose my balance. It wasn't a great deal I just didn't want to fall. That's embarrassing! lol So I needed a stool quickly. None were available. There was an offer to sit on a lap! So, I sat on the guy's lap. There was talk. Mostly from him to me. I was just listening! I didn't know who's lap I was on! I just know I was comfortable, he was holding me up and he was talking a slick game. Phone started blowing up, text after text! What's going on? I'm like I'm good sittin on his lap! I wasn't getting what was going on. My God sis came along and she tried to remove me from what was going on. Then Charles did the same. I needed air! This was the worst I had ever been. I got almost an hour worth of air it seemed like. Then came back to the party.
I drank myself into a comfort zone, but into a place where I did not have clear judgment at all. I was ready to go. Where I was going I don't know. The options I had were many. I just wanted to talk with someone. I came to get my shoes out of the bedroom and Shawn passed out with someone else there was behind a shut door. Not clearly thinking I jumped to conclusions and left somewhat upset. I didn't get home until 20 minutes before I needed to be in church.
Maybe it would of been better chillin with Reggie on Sunday, as opposed to going to the party! It would of saved me much heartache and drama! I didn't feel sober until about 12noon. I was in my second service by then! I wasn't even supposed to drink!
I have attached myself to Reggie, even though I thought I wouldn't. I have tried to distance my mind from him leaving only because I didn't want to enter this state of depression and saddening. Every time I get close with someone they leave! It's either that or I do something to mess up the friendship, knowingly or not.
The parties that go on at Shawn's place are very sex-esque (probably not a word!). There's an atmosphere of fun and flirting going around. There is nothing wrong with that. It's interaction and a good time. However, I got there at the segment when it was only Reggie, Shawn, Charles and myself there. It was awkward. I really wanted to to be comfortable but I was incredibly uneasy within myself. I didn't wanna say anything out of order. I didn't wanna say too much at all! I just wanted to be good. I have never been uncomfortable in the house (note still referring to it as "the" house as opposed to his house), not one time!
People begin arriving one by one and begin removing some of the tension in the house. I was relieved to somewhat of a slight degree. The party started and I was in my shell. I didn't wanna come out. I actually wanted to leave. I have a tendency of always placing my foot in my mouth all of the time saying the most off the wall things and doing the most out of the way things! I waned to avoid all of this and go home. It was Reggie's party and I was already there. May as well start enjoying myself. I had a drink and loosened up. I had a shot and got even more loose. I had 3 more vodka and cokes. I had 2 sweet drinks that Reggie was so kind for me to make for me. Then followed with 4 cups of Twin's punch (Get Right). I was good now! I was so far out of my shell I didn't even know where the shell was!
Luckily for me, I had eaten a good amount of food. All that liquor saturated the food and I was being held drunk for the rest of the night. My food just wasn't moving, AT ALL! I began to lose my balance. It wasn't a great deal I just didn't want to fall. That's embarrassing! lol So I needed a stool quickly. None were available. There was an offer to sit on a lap! So, I sat on the guy's lap. There was talk. Mostly from him to me. I was just listening! I didn't know who's lap I was on! I just know I was comfortable, he was holding me up and he was talking a slick game. Phone started blowing up, text after text! What's going on? I'm like I'm good sittin on his lap! I wasn't getting what was going on. My God sis came along and she tried to remove me from what was going on. Then Charles did the same. I needed air! This was the worst I had ever been. I got almost an hour worth of air it seemed like. Then came back to the party.
I drank myself into a comfort zone, but into a place where I did not have clear judgment at all. I was ready to go. Where I was going I don't know. The options I had were many. I just wanted to talk with someone. I came to get my shoes out of the bedroom and Shawn passed out with someone else there was behind a shut door. Not clearly thinking I jumped to conclusions and left somewhat upset. I didn't get home until 20 minutes before I needed to be in church.
Maybe it would of been better chillin with Reggie on Sunday, as opposed to going to the party! It would of saved me much heartache and drama! I didn't feel sober until about 12noon. I was in my second service by then! I wasn't even supposed to drink!
By popular demand, Fussy's Tones has been removed from the blog. lol Stay tuned for further improvements...
2 thoughts:
What's up, Fuzzy? I am sorry your friend is leaving. Still, you'll be okay. I'm thinking that the Twin Punch or any other type of alcohol might play a part in the foot in mouth syndrome.
Anyway, "Every time I get close with someone they leave! It's either that or I do something to mess up the friendship, knowingly or not." Officially the saddest thing I've read on a blog in a while.
Sounds like you was definitely loose & a Lil Throwed. but it also Sounds like u aint have no fun. seems like skippin' the party woulda been the best idea for you but dont dwell on what you maybe shoulda/coulda did think about what your gonna do next to make the situation better next time.
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