David - Chapter Closed

You all remember David from last year? You know, the guy that stole my heart and disappeared? Well I finally got to find out why! This will be quick because I'm simply over it!

So, there was this guy who I let fuck me. It was a one time thing but I forgot to relay this info to the guy. So he comes back looking for more, as they always do, and introduces a 3-sum idea. I was reluctant and ultimately said it wouldn't happen. Determined, he tries to convince me saying that I know the 3rd guy and dropped a couple hints of who it was just to peak my interest. It worked and to my surprise it was David.

Fast forward, he and the guy I had sex with are together and have been together for years. I was the 3rd wheel and that was all the info I needed to move on to the next chapter of my life... Henley...

Just Keep Wondering...

Rory Part II

In my lifetime, Ive chosen the wrong kinda friends over and over again. I'm very reluctant to choose friends and include them in my circle, especially when they've already proven to have the potential to be a problem. Rory is one of these.

Rory and I had a bit of a spat and I couldn't wrap my mind around the reason I was perplexed. It was a very simple situation of disrespect. I want to say it was due to his age, but I can't declare that it was. There's some sort of something in me that believes that it is just who he is. The ones that have proven to be there time and time again don't like him. Even the ones that I have't included in the "close friends" category didn't like him. For the listener/reader I'm sure you're wondering, "what is Fuzzy even holding on to?" I am not one to turn my back on people who helped me out once upon a time. He helped me move some things into my apartment and I feel like to disown him or to distance myself from him would be some variety of usury. 

I've come to terms that people are placed in your life for a reason and some times it's only I'll put some distance between him and I and that will give me due time to process the feelings and determine if later on he is someone who can be a part of my life.

Just Keep Wondering...

Rory

Sometimes I can't believe the kinda guys that manage to come within my circle. Let me introduce him, he's about to be freshly 25, a church boy and totes loads of inexperience. He works for the post office, seems to be in some kinda trouble there, brags about his blocked lists on social media, and has a seemingly short fuse. I'm not exactly one to put up with much inexperience when it comes to friends. Some of my friends may be  goofy, but they all know how to be on their grown man/woman and act/be the part when necessary. This guy is not well rounded and believes that people owe him something for him being himself.

Now, moving on to the dilemma, I'm not sure whether I should ditch him or whether I should just take him under my wing and teach him. I doubt I'll come back for a timely update. I will give an update when I return...

Just Keep Wondering...

My Alphabet

Adventurous
Bright
Caring
Determined
Effective
Fun
Giving
Humble
Imaginative
Joyful
Kinky
Lovable
Mean
Nosy
Open
persistent
Quaint
Romantic
Sarcastic
Teasing
Understanding
Vindictive
Wondrous
X-Rated
Youthful
Zealous

For Future Reference

Proverbs 16:9 

A man's heart deviseth his way: but the Lord directeth his steps.

I heard this recently and the short statement put me in awe because it packs such a punch for me. I didn't have access to my notepad at the moment, so I figured that I would put it somewhere where I would be able to reference it later for all to see. Hope this puts some clear perspective in where someone is going in life and somehow provides some inspiration. 

David From The Ashes

So, last night at my party, I had one of David's closest friends come through. We met at my party years back, and re-met through David. Anyway, I tried to keep progress on David through his friend and he told me some very interesting things when I asked how he was doing. Apparently, and I myself am a bit surprised, I'm too much of a great guy and I scared him off. He feels as though he fucked up and he doesn't think I will forgive him. He has a trend of fucking up and he doesn't think I would stay around. He talks about the times we shared with this friend, I mean in great detail, asks how I am all the time and this last time told his friend to tell me hello!

Here's my thing, I'm in talks with this guy who is moving up from Virginia, codenamed Big Tig. I remember the thing I wanted with David. I should be honest and say it's the thing I want with David. Currently, he's off the scene playing scaredy cat not knowing if he came back on the scene he could have something special. In the same news I have Big Tig, who I have my eyes on that could be something special, who isn't scared. The fucked up part of it is if I build something with Tig and David grows a set and decided to step up, I'm going to have a problem on my hands. Tig hasn't played on my heart strings, David has. If Tig plays a love song on my heart strings and David becomes ready I will not know what to do. The disadvantages of playing the field!

Just Keep Wondering...

Blankie

I woke up this morning and I was wrapped around my blanket and had a moment. I thought back to all the many significant events in my life and Blankie has been there! Was there when my grandma died to catch my tears. Was there to cover me when my mother died. It was there when I needed to hit my brother when he tried that slick stuff too! Blank was there when I got those new jobs and nobody was around to celebrate! Blankie, we have danced, cried, celebrated and mourned. We are so tight like glue. We even vacation together! You've been there from the day I came out the womb. You were the first blanket that touched me in the hospital! You've been with me from the very beginning.

 

Now before you all start to get all emotional on me, Blankie is just fine! I was just thinking the only times that I gave me and Blankie some space was when I was in a relationship. Not just any relationship, but a good one. It was folded and placed nearby so I can see but far enough away to create vulnerable areas in my psyche. I was able to do that because I knew that the body I was laying with had me safe. The person I dated was there for my tears and held my hand through the hard times. If I didn't feel like you had my back like you were supposed to, subconsciously Blankie would be right there in bed with is. The horrible part was, I would hold Blankie instead of whoever else was there! Blankie is a very strong icon and holds deep meaning in my life. I will cut you if you try anything to hide or keep me from my blanket! FOR REAL!

 

I recently sent Big Tig a message saying that if you can manage to get me to fold Blankie up you've accomplished a major thing. It's only really happened twice in my 30 years. Sent him a pic of us together and he said we look cute together! Hope he has what it takes!

Just Keep Wondering...

The WOW Effect

In regards to the guy that didn't work out from my playing the field post, I felt it necessary to share a growth I noticed in myself. Ordinarily, I jump into things, relationships, tasks, friendships and pay little attention to signs of potential danger and future hardship. I notice them way later than needed and by that time I'm already at ground zero of a hot mess! Gabe used to always tell me that I lacked foresight, but I'm happy to say that I've picked some up!

 

Mr. Smith and I started talking a bit after my birthday. He is a very fun guy, playful and very sweet. Weeks after meeting and hanging out, he went away and disappeared while I took ill for a few days. I was left feeling a bit angry about the situation. After all, I felt like we were building something great and how could he just leave me sick like this? Didn't even call to check in on me! When we got back into contact we argued and I bowed when I realized we weren't together. There was no obligation for him to stay, no requirement for him to check in or any call for him to do anything! I asked myself why. I asked myself, is this guy the one? I didn't believe there was enough wow in him for me to date him. Then I discovered the "WOW" effect.

 

The WOW effect is a feeling of greatness that is on a person and in the relationship you have that makes you say "wow". I thought about Shawn, I was wowed by Shawn to be around him. I was wowed to talk with him. I was wowed when we laid together. I was wowed when I thought of him. When I woke up and he was on my mind, I even said wow! It was like we were one. Even when I was dead wrong and cheated on him he would call or text and I would stop whatever I was doing and come to him! It wasn't a loss of love that caused me to cheat, it was feelings of dissatisfaction in the bedroom that caused me to cheat. I would of never left but he broke up with me and so things go! Even after the breakup I was still having the wow in how much my heart broke when he told me to leave and things were over.

 

I asked Mr. Smith did I wow him and he said the way I think wows him. I asked him if that was all and he said a couple more things. I had to tell him that wasn't enough. If I am going to be with someone I need to be Wowed! There needs to be a mutual WOW! The bigger the wow the better the relationship in my experience. I just have to make better more compatible choices of men to date to experience a better wow!

 

I'm going to insert codename Big Tig into the scene. A southern boy is relocating to NJ and I just so happen to stumble on his profile on the 1 night he stayed over his friends place on a GPS app Jack'd when I was in an area that I normally do not visit anymore. He's named Big Tig because he really looks like Big Tigger to me! Nothing more at this time about him but just mentioning the factors of our crossing paths and having much in common, plus sharing a mutual attraction on that very small window of opportunity has me excited! WOW may be headed my direction!

Just Keep Wondering...

Playing The Field

For a while now, I've been dating several men. I'm trying to maximize my chances of finding a great guy for the time frame given. When I was in middle school, one of my teachers called this "playing the field". So, since about February I have been looking to the masses and making myself marketable for dating. In the beginning, I would only find one guy that would take interest and he would be dismissed, or i'd be dismissed, before the next one would come on the scene. I am currently getting to know 2 guys at the same time.

 

Here's the point where most would disagree with "playing the field". How can one give them both the same amount of time they deserve? How can one split their feelings and emotions? One who is in touch with what they are looking for and is open and honest with each of them can manage being in talks with multiple persons simultaneously. I tried it and it worked out. I was able to see one that worked and one that wouldn't work. That's all I'm going to say concerning the situation. I've been known to speak too soon with broadcasting my potentials. lol

 

I'm hoping to come off the field really soon. I'm getting older and I can't keep up with the youngins like I used to! I give them good sport, but now I have a good white flag to throw in the game. So, I'll pour a drink and cheer to the day when I can take a bench seat with a fellow player and enjoy the scenery!

Just Keep Wondering...

CREATED2SHABACH@GMAIL.COM OR @FUZZYCHULO IG