Blanket of Things

I tend to ramble sometimes about different subjects that come up in conversation. Just hopping from one topic to another. So I will bring that here! I present to you a blanket. What is on the blanket is...

Friend to "friend" convo... I love you and I want you to know that I am always there for you. I don't care what you did nor about how you are handling/ed it. I just want you to know I am here for you. Our friendship hasn't changed on my end, I hope you feel the same.

School update... I will not be attending Kean University, at least not right now. I will be continuing onward to my Bachelor's in Hospitality and Culinary Arts at Fairleigh Dickinson University. I will be able to register for the spring semester of 08' and that's all that matters to me, progression! I need to finish with little distraction and with a high GPA. My target goal is to graduate with honors!

Branching off... I have left my church of over 22 years, on the 6th of January. I joined a new church on the 13th, this past Sunday. I am excited at the growth possibilities. I am interested in participating in the church and getting involved. They have welcomed me in with open arms!

Sang Fuzzy! The spring conference at church is coming up fastly. The choir has began to rehearse and I am motivated and enthused. I get this way in anticipation for a great week of singing praises and song to God. A fair warning to my friends, there will be some Saturdays and Mondays where I will be busy for at least 2-4 hours for rehearsal. I will get churchy so don't come for me! I'll get God on you!

My car, still broke down... I have been commuting back and forth utilizing the bus, train and PATH trains. While I am thankful that I can get around to everywhere I need to be, it is extremely inconvenient to have to walk and wait on mass transit. Dealing with the tardiness of the train and buses that are early is not my cup of tea. I do not like walking with laundry to the laundromat. I cannot wait until my car is fixed... Not sure as of right now whether i will fix it to trade in or fix to drive. I am in prayer and counsel about that.

I am the fence... I am the kind of friend that will remain neutral. I have been placed in various situations that people have expected me to take sides. I will voice my opinion if asked, yes, I will not take your side. I am always confidential with information, experience pushes me to stay that way! Its always drama when you betray someone's trust and break that confidentiality. I love all of my friends equally, no matter what and I do ALL I can if not more to be there for them.

Things to do in 2008: Grow in Christ, leave the year with $3000 saved, either fix car or get a new one, have less headaches in 2008, make a dent in my educational courses and BE HAPPY!

Hey I'm Fuzzy! I am excited about this trip to DC/Baltimore area. I love road trips and the idea of having fun away from home. I am looking forward to meeting fellow bloggers and associating faces to the blog! Oh, Mr. Jones, I tried replying to the email you sent to me. I don't know what happened but it never went through. Maybe try again!

I think my blanket is full now! lol

P.S. I am feeling great! I have to remain positive and encouraged no matter what,

THAT'S WHO I AM!!!

down...

Out of character and not myself right now. I am me looking at a mirror me. We are not the same. I am strong, persistant, motivated, enthused and always encouraged. My mirror looks depressed, down, out, sick, saddened, weak and worried. We are the same; I am me looking at a mirror me. Could it be, I am the mirror me looking at the real me?

Listening to "I Can Make It" by New Direction on my cell phone, fighting to break out of the mirror or waiting to smash it to problem free situation...

"I can make it, I can stand
Stay with me, hold my hand
You are my peace, you are my joy
I can make it, I can stand

Through heartaches, disappointments
Even through sickness and pain
I can make it, I can stand....

Ad lib:
I know that I can, I can make it
Stand fast dear boy and know you can make it
Be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage, you can make it I know you can
Sometimes with tears in my eyes, if I just hang on in there I know I can
You can't stop me, no you can't block me I can, I know I can
I can do, I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me
All I've got to do is, all I've got to do is stand
Through being disappointed, being lied on, being talked about I can stand.
I might be by myself, friends may walk away, family may turn their back on you
Learn how, learn how to, learn how to, learn how to stand with Jesus, with Jesus!"

On my knees looking at the ground...

Don't Mess With My Man

You can do whatever you wanna do!
Don't play the rules of a dumb fool!
Cause I'm gonna do what I have to do
To handle me and MY Boo!
Letting you know, I'm not tryin to be mean,
Just don't get caught in between!

I'm here for you my Sweet Baboo,
Tell me you love me too!

I Am Sick and Tired...

"Sandy" James
Something that gives me Joy!

I wanted to post this picture because she was/is my motivation. She is pregnant in this picture with my ex-favorite brother. There is so much happiness on her face, I can't help but be happy!

I am sick. I was on the phone with the most favorite guy in he world (he knows who he is) till about 4:30 in the morning. That makes me tired! I didn't think I was going to get called for work but I was called none the less. I said that I wasn't going to go, if I was called. For some reason when the phone rang I said, "Sure I'll come in!" On the plus side, I only have 3 classes and a hall duty. My first class was over about 55 minutes ago, and my next class is not until 1pm. I am free until then! Hoo Rayyyy

A tribute to Jermaine! I apologize for being weak when you were weaker. I gathered strength and confidence to see you to show that I cared and I never stopped praying for you. You have made me think about life and its value. I love you and I always will, despite yourself! Get well soon, maintain your personality for its an inspiration to us all!

I am excited that this is the month I will be continuing my education at Kean University. Education and Food Science will be my courses of study. I plan on taking a full load of courses and as many classes I can handle. It will be alot of work but I wish to be finished as soon as possible. I make a vow that I will not procrastinate here and to devote time to my work to produce quality. I aim to graduate at the top of my class with honors. I want to get some type of honor and not escape with a B or A- average. I am aiming for higher!

I got Brain Age for Nintendo DS and I am having difficulty passing these tests and problems that the game gives me. This bothers me that I cannot multiply under pressure!

I feel GREAT and OUTSTANDING! I hope you all have had a great New Year, and like I said before, 2008 is going to be great!

Christmas 2007 and So On...

I figure I would start with the Christmas Party. I failed to get pics of the food, but it’s cool because Most of it was eaten! I had a spread of food including, garlic mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, sausage with peppers & onions, ziti with beef, turkey flavored collard greens, string beans, turkey, ham, fresh garden salad, pasta salad with shrimp & broccoli, cherry cheesecake, red velvet cake, and brownies. Thank You Trackstar for the cheesecake and red velvet cake! I wanted to get everyone a gift for Christmas, Like I usually do, but my money just wasn't there. I did it last year, so I said I will do it again this year! What I do best is your Christmas present! They came, they ate and were merry! Lets remember:

The day of the party, my brother did an impromptu stop through my house! I was like okay, there will be a house full of gay people here and my brother is just chillin. This isn't going to work, but he soon left. Out of the clear blue sky he stops through again while I am finishing up everything! I am like great! Again, he leaves, but bumps into trackstar on the way out... sigh (I knew I was gonna hear something later on about this)! "I'm not good enough to be invited to your party?" Our relationship is borderline, on thin ice, or on pins and needles, whichever you prefer, at the moment. I don't wish to talk to him, nor do I wish to hear his opinion on anything! IT’S ALWAYS UNWARRANTED! I will attempt to respond, but I will no longer initiate conversation with him until I am comfortable!

Must I stress again my no sugar rule? Do I have to remind people that I hate hypocrites? Say what you want and be a man about it and stop being a bitch! Sorry to sound harsh, but I was told to stop texting a certain number to "help reduce the number of texts to my blackberry". I said fine, even though I sent about 20 texts in a month span! I come to find out, since this happened after the breakup, he just wanted to delete my number and not speak to me again! I am fine with that, but don't pussyfoot your way around it, speak up and stop being a bitch about it and say what you want! I so wanna shout his name out but I will not. I will erase him from my life just like he deleted me from his blackberry!

I feel bad because I wanted to have a fun Christmas. I wanted to be active, doing things with people that bring energy and no problems. I left my house and came over to Newark to be with MY Shawn! I promised him I would be there for Christmas and I didn't know how, but I made it. As a result, my dad was alone. I tried to call and the line was busy. I called again and it went to voicemail and apparently the voicemail was full. I was enjoying myself and didn't want to stop. I don't regret being away, I just feel sad that I wasn't able to speak to him on Christmas to wish him a merry Christmas. At this very moment, I get a text from my brother asking did I see him for Christmas. I ignored, then he called and ignored that also! I will call back later and have my backbone ready to deal with him and all of his mouth!

I got the main thing I wanted, which was attention, smiles, and fun! the tangible stuff I got was a neato oven, a pressing machine (two items a cook can appreciate), cookie sutra (i have to dive into that to see what that is about), a Shrek poster book (little things count with me), and Shrek the 3rd, BBQ set, dough press (more cooking items), slippers, wireless keyboard and mouse, and a few other things my mind can't quite grasp on at the moment! I was blessed and I feel blessed.

My car is grounded before I could have it for a year! I am attempting to stay positive about it all, but it is real hard. I have always had a car since I was 17 and all of a sudden poof! I'm still paying for it! I will press forward and onward. This will be an adventure! On one of my first adventures I decided to initiate a photo shoot! Check it out and Happy Holidays:

As of Late...

I wanted to do something new because I have tried spreading my blog out to new readers...

["Do you want to fuck me?" "Yesssss" "Really? Are you sure?"]

I guess I never would of thought I would be the one to talk in my sleep. Apparently, have desires and I respond to my surroundings while I am sleep. I am even grammatically correct! A witness accounted for these events and quoted me word for word on the three above. There are more instances through my lifetime, none believed until now. SIGH What to do? I think this is a sleeping disorder, I might need professional help!

I need a Christmas outfit... I don't know what to buy, or maybe how I will buy... . I need to make a wish list for Christmas, but there is a small problem. I don't know what I want. I was asked and I don't think I was able to come up with 5 things. Let me try again:

• Parappa tha Rappa for PSP
• USB Bluetooth Adapter for PC
• Digital Camera
• 22" Gold Chain
• The Contemporary Encyclopedia of Herbs and Spices: Seasonings for the Global Kitchen by: Tony Hill

Wow, I actually was able to think of 5! Moving on...

I went into a hospital today. This is a big accomplishment because since the passing of my mother, I have had a fear of them. I did NOT want to go but I had to be there for my friend. I had to show my support. Life is so very short and I would never thought I would of seen my 27 year old friend laying there with a tube down his throat breathing for him. I had a flashback to my mother. She died with a tube down her throat. I left the room. But I went in! That's the most important part.

I broke up my first fight in school on Friday, then the next period I had to break up another. What a week, but a week full of work! I am happy! I pray for the same this week! My house will be crowded again. We will see how this will work. Hamburger Helper here we come! LOL

New pics coming soon!!!

Rantfully Me!

I was subbing on yesterday and I was covering one period for a teacher that had been called out to the library. I was walking around in an attempt not to be bored. I came across a poster with grammer symbols and I just happen to come across a familiar symbol [...]. I said to myself, "hmmmm". I copied the word "ellipsis" and its explanation: This punctuation mark is also called a suspension point, points of ellipsis, periods of ellipsis, or colloquially, dot-dot-dot. An ellipsis is sometimes used to indicate a pause in speech, an unfinished thought or, at the end of a sentence, a trailing off into silence. I have adopted a new saying with my no sugar rule called "dot dot dot"! I use it when I don't want to hurt you with information that may seem harsh or whether you are asking me something that I may not be able to share because of confidentiality. This is my saying and I didn't even know it was destined to be mine, take notice to my blog name"I Wonder..."! Its in me and it was something I didn't steal from anyone's personality!

I am happy that I can open my door to friends and family that are in need of a place to stay. I don't have much room, but out of the kindness of my heart I want to help those that need help. In the dreaded event that I need a place to stay, I would hope that one of my family members or friends would take me in also. I keep in mind the "it is more of a blessing to give than to receive" concept.

I had a conversation about "beatins" in child rearing, and I asked my study hall about this and I was surprised that some black kids said they don't get beatings and more of the white kids said they do get beat! Is the balance shifting? The white ones seemed to be more polite and respectful and the black ones were loud and rambunctious. When did this shift occur? Why and how did it occur? Why are more and more black families not beatin' their children?

I have a view and opinion about many problems that this country faces. I think it all is the parents fault. Instead of parents being parents they are trying to be their friend. Instead of parents providing structure they allow the children to run all over them! Discipline is not applies soon enough to enforce the parents authority. Choice is given to kids way to early and freedom is no longer a luxury. What is your opinion?

At The Seams

How I wish that my Christmas could be like this. A very special Christmas. It doesn't look like it will come my way.

Christmas has always been one filled with family and fun with good times. I remember the singing, the gift exchanges, the games, the food, the laughing and good times shared.

This Christmas, my sis-in-law has been checked into a mental facility. My mother and I called it, that she was crazy before my brother and her even married, and nobody listened. My brother is going through and I can't be there for him because I am not financially able to travel. My heart goes out to him and his situation and having to deal with a child that has special needs and a wife that has gone off the deep end. I wanna be there but can't.

My closest brother and I haven't communicated with each other since the Sunday after Thanksgiving. I think I am losing my connection with him as a grow in other areas. Its not quite fair that I have to exclude him because of his opinions and viewpoints and accusations. His religious title is talking to me and I don't need a minister to talk to I need a BROTHER. I think our relationship is on a downward spiral and there is no rebuilding it from here...

My dad STILL gets high and jerks off and continues to distance himself from me in his high moments. I don't know how to get to him and it is getting to the point where I am not sure if I want to get to him. He is hurting himself and me too! my heart is becoming hardened. This time of year, why? Its not fair!

All I want is a snowy Christmas, with family there enjoying each other's company like we once used to do not too long ago! How I long for a Christmas that is together with family with no drama. My family is falling apart at the seams and I can't sew it up fast enough. I know I can't be the one to fix everything all of the time, but that's what Mom did and I am the most like her and feel like I have to try. If I don't there will be no family ties left!

I look at the poor condition of the bonds in my family, and I start to fall apart at the seams. I got to enjoy a great movie last night and actually teared up because my family, which was at one time almost picture perfect, is no longer a fairy tale. I Got mad at someone very close to me off of something so minor because of the humor and the fun side of me. I am on edge and I need to smooth out. I have to keep it together, somehow, someway. Oh, SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY...

Will this Christmas be a very special Christmas for me?

Trail of Cum

I unbuttoned my shirt, button by button. What is now revealed is a six-pack of abs and a nicely sculpted chest that could be seen through a skin-tight wife beater. I looked down to notice to nipple prints coming through the shirt. I felt my chest to feel my stomach. I was feeling myself. Turning myself on!

I sat on my bed, to take my shoes and socks off. Once both feet lay parallel to the floor, my eyes are fixed on another leg that is in the air. Halfway down my thigh, reaching down the left pant leg, was a massive muscle. Jumping ever so forceful but gentle. It had came out of my underwear, but I caressed it slightly, only enough to feel its girth from base to tip. I got a feeling of excitement as my dick took one more leap in efforts to break through the seams of my pants. I imprisoned it back into my underwear.

I stood to my feet, unbuckled my belt and unfastened my slacks. The 'clack' of my belt buckle hit the floor after my pants slid down my legs. I leaned over to look at my dual color gray bikini briefs. They were light gray with slight dark gray detail where the head of my dick had leaked a gracious amount of precum. There was a trail, enough to believe that I had bust something desired before intended! My dick was throbbing begging for an escape. The dark gray trail grew longer and wider and I pulled off the beater and started rubbing on my nipples. OOOOhhhhh!!!

I laid down legs spread eagle and licked my left index finger to rub my nipple and was caressing my dick and rolling the low hanging balls. Moaning slightly I reached in and tried to grab hold and tame the leaking beast. It was warm and still throbbing. I slid my briefs off and laid on the bed completely naked. Slowly jerkin my dick ad the volcano teased me by slightly overflowing. An eruption was there, right on the tip and I let loose. The long snake jumped in every direction uncontrollably. Not quite...

I reached on the side of the bed and grabbed the black Castro dong! It was thick and dark and ever so long! I lubed up with my favorite lube Eros and placed Castro's head at the door of my ass. Gently knocking, repeatedly i finally let him in. Further and further he came, I was moaning in complete enjoyment. My dick was so hard it couldn't move and you could see every vein protrude from the sides. I continued increased speed and my ass swallowed it every time. "Ohhh Ohhh OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH", I moaned!

I grabbed a hold on my dick, while still feeding my ass with Castro's Dick. Ecstasy, pure ecstasy! Two strokes and I felt the bed shaking. My body moving in tremors. With a pump of Castro and a stroke of my hand, ERUPTION! The first hit was my eyes and nose followed by a full trail of cum leading back to my dick. Cum all over my neck, chest and stomach. My body ejected Castro and I loved every minute of it!

Sorry For My Brief Absense

I have not forgotten about my great readers and talented bloggers. I just have been a lil busy setting myself up for success. Well Alicia Keys album has been released and I heard a track Like You'll Never See Me Again. I was taken so far back into the depths of the song one night after listening to it over and over again. Here is what I wrote while I swimming in emotion:

"I sit here in my room,
Light dimmed and eyes shut.
Listening attentively to the melody,
Anxiously awaiting for the anticipated thought provoking lyrics.
Placed in a sea of thought from a river of possibility,
All revolving around love.
Some seek for a lifetime, and others maybe more.
Many give up and harden their hearts to future and present possibility.
Others find it and fewer appreciate and cherish it.
In a state of slight confusion, sadness, happiness, sorrow and appreciation, I sit here.
Heart beating with tremendous pressure, and every heartbeat felt all over my body.
Love makes you feel weird, makes you do crazy things.
It's just like energy; never dying, never destroyed.
Always being recreated.
I know what love is.
It lives and breathes and is a force that can keep you going.
What will you do to keep love? What will you do to get love?
I sit here almost brought to tears.
Have you found that person which was everything you was looking for?
I sit here ready to cry tears of gratitude, love, care and affection.
I have found that person which was everything I was looking for."

Funny Video of MrShawnQT

Some of the pics below didn't come out like I envisioned, But I still wanted to share them. They are from when Reg, Derron, Soldier and I went to DC. Enjoy!

I came across this while I was on a leisure walk with my pal Reggie! Tell me what you think about it!

On another note, teaching is going real well and I think I am getting a real knack for it. Trial and error are my teachers at this point! Some teachers are even giving me pointers on what to do and what not to do! GET THAT!!! I have been requested by 3 teachers for the month of December and that makes me feel like I am doing a good job. I have never felt so amped about a job before. I think I have found my place! Something that excites me, pays well, and gives me weekends holidays and the summer off! HOLLA!!!

I re-arranged my room. I do have to say I am proud. I have to get a 5' x 8' area rug and some curtains and a few minor odd and end things to really bring my room together!

I am reminded of the spirit of Christmas through mishap. I will not go into details but I will be trying to capture the true meaning of what Christmas and the holiday season is supposed to have. There will be photos and more to come.

I FEEL GREAT