Craving Some of These...

Just Keep Wondering...

Public Service Announcement

THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

To all my whores, hoes, sluts, smuts and slores, this is for you. Unsuspecting innocent ones, be aware as well. There is an issue regarding the pestilence! Bed bugs are a huge, and growing larger, issue. Those tiny lil bastards are cunning, quick and hide very well. They will turn you out if they get a hold of you. Believe me when I tell you, these bitches will gang rape you and leave you barren on the side of the road wondering why!

Gabe and I are open with our relationship. We don't' have an open relationship, but are open with the relationship we have to others. So, one night we decided we wanted to have a lil fun with this man that didn't live too far away from home. Quick convenient, handsome with a big dick and a fat ass. Not complaining at all. He claimed he sucked dick like he should be paid for it and that he's a fully versatile freak. We made our way over to the place took off coats and sat down. Less than 2 mins on the couch, my arm began to itch. I paid no mind to it until the issue became bigger and more of my arm started to itch. I looked down and noticed a lil something crawling on me. My mind told me "oh shit" my logic told me go find out what it is before you flip the fuck out. I excused myself to the bathroom where there was ample lighting and I saw the beast which I murdered on my sleeve. I came out and raised all hell!

Side story, I left my very first apartment due to these sons of foreign bitches! I was being bit in places and itching in compromising locations. I had to go. I lost all of my furniture and about 50% of my clothing. I still haven't recovered. Then went from that to a roach issue, an ant issue, to a flea issue. I can't deal with these terrorists anymore! They have got to go and leave me alone.

I'm just scarred for life and I can't begin to tell you what my nerves go through when I feel something on my skin move. I would hate for people who are trying to get some good pussy, or a good piece of dick and end up with a visitor coming home with you to turn you out. Be careful at the hotels, on the buses and public seated areas. They can hide and hitch a hike on your back and you'll be turnt out! Yea I said it, TURNT OUT!!! It can happen to anyone, I don't mean to focus on the sexually open and people with frequent flyer miles on their genitalia, but that bug ruined my sexual experience and I'm upset!

THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Just Keep Wondering...

Food Blessing

I was raised to say "grace" or blessing over my food before I eat it. I was faithful with it up until around 21 or 22. I fell lax and I noticed it when a kid pointed out that i didn't say "grace" before I inhaled my food. So, I said "grace".

God is good, God is great and I thank Him for this food.

I bow my head. I must be fed. Give me Lord our daily bread.

Bless the ones that do not have AMEN!

I thought about the grace that I said, and it didn't seem personal at all. I didn't feel like I was grateful in asking for my blessing. So I thought of something that I can say is from me that I feel covers more bases.

God you're great and greatly to be praised.

Lord, I thank you for this food which was made.

Bless it and make it nourishing in Jesus' name.

Bless the ones that do not have just the same.

To you, all honor and glory AMEN!

It's a bit longer, but I like it way more. Just a lil thing I thought up. It's snowy and icy outside; be careful! Stay warm and bundled and safe.

Just Keep Wondering...

The GREAT Philosophy

At the end of my Pastor's life, he had this ever present state of being to be described as 'great'. This man, who had pancreatic cancer, had a doozy of a wife, pains and thorns for kids, issues for church members, and the politics of the higher church continuously stated he was 'great' whenever anyone asked him how he was doing. I said before that he was the best example that I could of had as a spiritual leader: never angered, patient, kind, suffered long, exhibited love, and much more. He was a man who bore the fruit of the spirit at all times.

Moving forward, I'm increasing my optimism in every aspect of my life. No longer will i view the glass as half full, but it's going to be full at all times. I wont be fine, or ok, but I will be GREAT!I wont let my own words limit my progress, despite on how miniscule the words seem. My words will speak life in me. They will speak growth and prosperity. I'm going to be sowing my own future. Its gonna be GREAT! I've adopted the great philosophy, and its gonna be a change. For, I am the only one who can usher in change into my life and allow change to occur.

Just Keep Wondering...

12:41am

You're gone, but you're right there
I can't see you or hear you
My soul and my spirit render a familiar touch
I've been robbed and a crime has taken place
Bring him back, he's mine not yours

I can't believe this happened
Right before my very eyes
A chunk of my being ripped from me
Left wounded and nervy I reach
Reaching for the captive of the unknown

My Gabe is locked up and I'm helpless
Incapable of freeing him
Unable to gaze his way
His presance compares to none
Gabe isn't here

Calming my nerves with immoral remedies
Laying down on my side
Swaying and playing with and in my mind
Itching an emotional scratch that can't be soothed
I put myself to sleep with no Gabe by my side

Good Night

Caught off guard...

My pastor has gone on to glory. I'm broken, unprepared, saddened and joyful. He was battling pancreatic cancer for about a bit more than 2 years. He stayed his course. He fought the good fight. He set the example of what a soldier and a christian should be. With much sentiment and emotion he will be missed.

Left to mourn and celebrate his life: a wife, 2 sons, 1 daughter, 1 sister, 1 brother, a host of nieces nephews aunts and uncles and his New Vision COGIC family.

I have exactly no clue what will happen to the church due to no pastor, but time will tell soon enough.

I celebrate you pastor. I love you pastor. I will miss you pastor. I will remember what you taught me pastor. I will cherish all the work you did pastor. I thank you for being my friend pastor. I thank you for being a father pastor. I thank God for you and your life.

In tears still yet wondering...

New Year

A new year brings an anniversary. A new year brings a new beginning. A new year sparks change. In a new year, old things are passed away. In a new year, all things become new. In a new year, aspirations have another chance to come true.

My new year has promise. My new year has hope. My new year has favor. My new year is my new year! I'm making the best of what is and embracing the possibility of great things to come. Unfortunate times will have their place, I'm forseeing me abiding someplace else. No catchy 2011 theme, but I do see greatness for me.

Just Keep Wondering

I'm afraid

Trapped in desire
Imprisoned in the unseen
Dealing with the settlement
Rejoicing in optimism
Reaching blindly toward hope
Hoping to be able to continue to reach
Beaten by pessimism
Oppressed by negativity
Lights seem dim
Opportunity arrives on infrequent whims

My inner core dangerously rests on thin ice
Still, cowed and cold
I'm in doubt and despair
My very being is in question
Faith? Where? Hope? Where? Trust? Where? God, who?

Sleet of misfortune and hail of pending defeat
Broken umbrella, torn coat and worn boots
Vulnerable and whipped by the surprising inevitable
Why now? Why me now? Why not later? Why at all?

"What do you do when you've done all you can?" Asked and sang Donnie
He said "stand", I tried that... nothing happened
I'm sitting, contemplating action
I gotta bring myself from muck, mire, abuse and misuse.

Do I walk away? Do I leave it? Him? Them?
Should I build newness? Walk in the unknown?
Wading in the water of usual presents itself
Remaining in everything abiding in aspiration of a better tomorrow

Today is aweful, so was yesterday and probably tomorrow
My wick burns weak and light dims
Nightfall is here, evening tears approach
Closing my eyes...

let it snow...

It's too much snow outside and my car doesn't like it. Its too much snow outside and I don't like it. It's soooo much snow outside I'm glad that I don't have to be to work till 3 weeks from now!

Counting What Matters

It's so easy to fall victim to the commercialism of the holiday. It's even easier to get out of the holiday spirit. I can't quite decide whether I'm more on the blessed side or on the not so blessed side. Either way, I'm somewhat blessed.

I was arrested about 2 weeks ago. Not really arrested, more like taken into custody. It felt as an arrest because I was placed into cuffs and ever so gently placed in the rear of a police cruiser. I knew I was driving wrong and I knew it would catch up to me. What I didn't know is that I had warrants. Luckily for me, the cities that I had warrants in didn't feel like coming to pick me up from the city i was pulled over in. I was let go. My car was towed and was in the middle of a pay cycle. I really didn't have any money to retrieve any money to get my car out. Days later, Gabe pulled some funds together and loaned me the money and I agreed to pay back every cent. Conditions were i had to sign over my paycheck (the check before christmas) to make my initial chunk payment. I literally have pennies to rub together.

On the brighter side of things, I have a man who really loves me that has stuck through it all with me. I have a place to live and food to eat. I have heat and hot water, when the kids don't use it all on their vanity showers. I have a computer to blog from. I have internet that runs to the computer. I have decent clothes to wear. I have a job, regardless of the fact that I'm on a 33 day lay off for the holiday. In the midst of my downs, I can still look up and count my blessings.

I just wanted to take the time and wish you a very Merry Christmas urging you to consider the people that dont have before you begin to complain about what you received. Gifts come in many packages big, small, thin, wife, figurative and literal. Let the spirit of thanksgiving continue to abound with you and let the joy of Christmas live with you until my next Christmas post.

Just Keep Wondering...