I'm afraid

Trapped in desire
Imprisoned in the unseen
Dealing with the settlement
Rejoicing in optimism
Reaching blindly toward hope
Hoping to be able to continue to reach
Beaten by pessimism
Oppressed by negativity
Lights seem dim
Opportunity arrives on infrequent whims

My inner core dangerously rests on thin ice
Still, cowed and cold
I'm in doubt and despair
My very being is in question
Faith? Where? Hope? Where? Trust? Where? God, who?

Sleet of misfortune and hail of pending defeat
Broken umbrella, torn coat and worn boots
Vulnerable and whipped by the surprising inevitable
Why now? Why me now? Why not later? Why at all?

"What do you do when you've done all you can?" Asked and sang Donnie
He said "stand", I tried that... nothing happened
I'm sitting, contemplating action
I gotta bring myself from muck, mire, abuse and misuse.

Do I walk away? Do I leave it? Him? Them?
Should I build newness? Walk in the unknown?
Wading in the water of usual presents itself
Remaining in everything abiding in aspiration of a better tomorrow

Today is aweful, so was yesterday and probably tomorrow
My wick burns weak and light dims
Nightfall is here, evening tears approach
Closing my eyes...