Oppurtunity Unfolds!

ok, so now that I have graduated, i have been back and fourth about changing jobs. I will not see a raise until september, which will be my year anniversary. While I would love to celebrate my anniversary (please note sarcasm), I would like to move on with my life and begin achieving my life goals.

So here is what happened... On this past friday I didn't feel well and I was moving very slow because I was tired. My boss sent me home out of disgust! Hell, I left! I went to the Dr's and he told me to relax and ordered bloodwork on Monday. So, I went Monday and almost passed out! I was terrified; my life flashed before my eyes as the room went dim... moving on (thats a whole other post in itself!) Yesterday, Tuesday, I still felt weak so I called out. He called around noontime and he instructed me to take the rest of the week off and come back on Monday with a Dr's note. I'm like WTF! I feel good today... but I will get a note and rest and use this week to find another job. I have resisted change for too long now. ITS TIME FOR A CHANGE!

I have now found a way to get around this complicated phone, once more, and laying in bed relaxing and sleeping late posting from my phone! how GREAT! I hope this means I will post more often...
Well I am going to finish this resume and go somewhere and print it out and go fill out some job applications and some places online too! Ya'll wish me luck. I'll let you know how it turned out...

I GRADUATED!!!!

Let me say first that initially I was not going to be going to my graduation. Secondly, I was in a bad mood for almost a month prior to graduation. I truly believe that it was my subconscious acting out without me knowing. Let me explain...

Graduation for me included my mother, closest family members and maybe some friends. It was like a lil' girls dream! lol I have always dreamed of what it would be like to graduate college and how i envisioned it, was nowhere how it actually happened. Momma is gone, obviously, my brother (oldest from my mother) is on vacation with his wife, the next youngest from him (eh he's OK lil weird) couldn't make it and that pretty much started the undercover mood. So i invited my dad. Without him, i mean his signature, i could not have finished when i finished. Next was my aunt (mom's sister) whom i wasn't speaking to often (due to my ring loss), Shawn, who was actually invited first (SHOUT OUT TO MA BABY), and Omar because he has a big heart and is always telling me stuff to help me out.

It was cool day though. I rushed home right after work to shower iron and get changed. I picked up my dad and aunt. Drove back to Newark NJPAC, where the graduation took place, and arrived "on time" and did nothing for an hour and a half! Shawn made a sign with my moms face on it and put a massage, "I am so proud of you Daniel" I saw it and I started to cry then I thought, why? I did what she and I wanted, I went to college and got my degree. I'M HAPPY!
Afterwards, I took the "fam" home and came back to Shawn's house. So ironic that i was speaking to him about confidence and while that was going on i was burning onion rings and smoking up the house lol. My next step will be to change jobs. I hate doing this... but I need to plan my next step. I wanted to transfer to NJCU (New Jersey City University) or Kean University majoring in secondary education with a minor in home economics and algebra. I need to know before hand if teaching is going to be my niche. Will I like it? This is where the job change comes in. I am looking to substitute teach to see if a have a thing for it. To see if I am good at it. If I ain't good at it, i don't want to waste four years of my life, not to mention money, going to school for it!

Well, I have a birthday party for 60 to cater for and i haven’t even gone shopping yet… I will talk to blogland later... TOODLES

What the Fuck?

You know, in my previous post I asked for simplicity. I asked for normalcy. what I got was a drawn sheet of paper filled with headaches and aggravation.

I am so upset right now and its over something so stupid. I don't understand how it happened or why its happening,but I'm not speaking to Shawn right now. He wants attention from me, then upsets me when I try to come give him some. He is bothered by me not showing concern over a text message that I got late. Then faulted me for not picking up on it when I was trying to studyfor my final,which was about a hour and a half after this phonecall.

To top it all off, Mother's Day is this Sunday and I have to go through another one without Mommy. It hasn't gotten any easier as time has passed. I am not transitioning well at all. This week is a continuing blow after blow. Its about to be a KO for real! I can't take much more.

I ask this question with sincerity and an inquisitive mind, "Why ME?"

I Just Don't Understand Why...

I don't Know why there always has to be drama. I don't know why there always has to be confusion. I am, plainly put, tired of all the extra that's in my life. I just want to have a normal life with normal family and have some normal friends. Is That so hard to ask?

It has happened, I have become bitter towards my dad, aunt and cousin. Neither one of them need to ask me for another dime. I am going to have some serious conversations with my family about some garbage that has been occurring lately.

1. Ring coming up missing
2. Additional income for rent not being shared equally
3. Bills in my name not being paid punctually. IE: cable bill and phone bill

I am simply tired of the nonsense. I am about to get to the point where I want to be left alone. Nobody, well most people, in my opinion, would not want to be alone. Its not a well feeling! But Its how I am feeling because I want some normalcy in my life! Some peace in my life! Some Happiness and Joy in my life!

I Just Don't Understand Why I Can't...

A Tale of a Ring

Usually when there is mention of a ring, there is some sort of happiness associated with it. Some sort of joy that accompanies it, but no! Not in my case! Let me break it down to you...
In June, of the year 2003, I graduated high school. I didn't have much money then because I was basically supporting myself on a job that I had just gotten to finance my first car. Gas, maintenance, insurance etc... Long story short I only had enough money for the cap and gown needed for graduation. I didn't see a class ring or even a yearbook till the next summer. I was torn but I got the last copy of the yearbook and my mother gave me money, a portion that her mother, my grandmother, left when she died, to purchase my high school ring. I whined and whined because I didn't have one, so she gave me the money to purchase one. YaY!!!

:: Fast Forward::

On this past Sunday, I was getting ready for church and got in the shower. I left my ring in the shower and didn't put it back on because my finger was irritated and I wanted my finger to get some air. Moving on, I come home from a nice day at church (blessing in itself) and to my surprise, my ring is not in the shower. I'm like OK someone moved it. My cousin and aunt were at my house while my father and I were at church. That makes two possibilities. It was really three possibilities because my father used the restroom before I had a chance to get the ring out of the shower. It is officially missing... My ring that cost my mother $500 is missing! In my own house with my own family! I don't understand!

Part of me wants to say HELL NO. Part of me wants to leave it alone.

ALL OF ME WANTS MY RING TO COME HOME!!!

I've called the police and went as far as i could go with that avenue. I told my brother and sister in an effort to calm down and it worked. They told me something, this ring will be the division of this family. I was like huh? He said that He knows how I am and explained that I'm not too far off from him and how he behaves. I agreed lol. He said that there will be ill feelings toward one another, mistrust, and even hatred can come from this. "The family that mom fought so very hard to keep together will fall apart because of something she bought!" I gasped and the only thing I could say is WoW!

I Walked Into An Excited Church!

OK some of you know that I belong to The Church Of God In Christ, and probably more don't know. But this past weekend I went out of town to Nottingham Maryland to visit my brother. I haven't seen him since November or December! I really wanted to see him, He is the closest family member that I have and I want us to stay close.

::fast forward::

On Sunday, I attended my brothers new church in Baltimore, MD. I heard a usual sound from the outside of the church after I got out of my car. (BTW Pics are coming of the car along with some other pics, hehehe!) Moving on... I heard singing and the closer I walked to the building I felt vibrations. I chalked this up to they are having devotion and the speakers are very loud and possible some foot stomping mixed with some base. I opened the door and I'm telling you I was wrong! I saw almost everyone standing on their feet clapping, singing and praising God and joining into the service. Isn't that what church is supposed to be like? I guess it should but it is not always the case. Let me explain...

Here's the rundown of my church:

Prayer
Processional of Choir

Choir Selection
Offering (sometimes a sermon on how people don't give enough)
Announcements

Pastors Briefing (I call this the discipline part of service)

Tithing (Another sermon on why you should tithe)

Acknowledgement of visitors (wonder why this part is most times skipped or nobody stands!)

Choir selection

Call to discipleship (An attempt to deliver people from whatever or a time for the blue moon visitor to join)

Benediction (Time to bounce)

Not alot to some maybe alot to others... but here is the thing, THERE IS PROCEDURE! There is a plan of worship. Does anyone see anything wrong with this? I understand a program and its function but i believe that the order of service should be led with the spirit that's in the atmosphere! I think this is the reason why I am bored with my church. As I sat in my brothers church, there was spontaneity, happiness, joy and everyone rejoiced (not just saying amen with a hand clap) but they truly jumped to their feet and showed thankfulness for somebody else's blessing! I am being astonished. I was there for almost 3 hours and didn't know it. Those were 3 hours of a praise and worship, offering, testimony, sermon, prayer line, remarks and acknowledgements, and benediction. I sit in my church 20 min i am ready to go, lol!

::exhale::

I am going to attempt to seek a new way to look for a new church home. Maybe something smaller than my church. A family church per say. I don't know I hope I find it soon. I'm becoming impatient...

RANT

HEY BLOGLAND!

ITS HAS BEEN AWHILE SINCE I POSTED. I KNOW "SHAME ON ME!" I GUESS I HAVE TO GIVE AN UPDATE TO WHAT HAS BEEN GOING ON...

• I'VE BEEN PULLED OVER TWICE IN MY NEW CAR!
• MY CO-WORKER GOT SUSPENDED
• I TOLD MY BOSS ABOUT HIMSELF AND EXACTLY WHAT WAS ON MY MIND AND CLEARED SOME THINGS UP IN THE PROCESS
• MY COMPUTER HAS DIED. I'M HOPING THAT JESUS RESURRECTS THE PC. I KNOW HE'S ABLE! :-)
• STATE CHOIR REHEARSAL HAS BEGAN AND I'M HIGH IN THE SPIRIT
• I'VE BEEN CALLED OUT IN A PUBLIC SETTING FOR BEING ON TV BY A RANDOM PERSON!
• MY DAD GOT SICK AND MADE A SPECIAL REQUEST FOR MY COOKING
• THE ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY CAME AND WENT. i HAVE A LOVELY TOKEN OF SHAWN'S AFFECTION.

LET ME SPEND SOME TIME TALKING ABOUT THE GUY WHO WANTS TO GIVE ME ALL THIS MONEY FOR A BJ. HE IS JUST AS SHADY AS THE REST OF THEM! A BACKSTABBER TO THE CORE! I HAVE HAD IT WITH HIM AND HOW HE BLAMES THINGS ON ME. I USED TO BRUSH IT OFF LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED OR LIKE THINGS ACTUALLY WERE MY FAULT BUT NO MORE. HE KEEP PUSHIN MY BUTTONS AND TRYIN TO MAKE ME LOOK BAD IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE HE HAS GOT A SURPRISE COMING TO HIM!

A MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR MY COMPUTER. AND ALSO A HOPEFUL PRAYER JUST IN CASE IT CAN BE SAVED! I DON'T KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH IT BUT ITS NOT WORKING. I'M USING SHAWN'S OLD COMPUTER TO POST. EHHH WELL I GOTTA GO TO BED NOW I'LL HIT BLOGLAND UP LATER.

MWAHS!!!

Blessing or Carelessness?

I just experienced a great loss. It was in the amount of $1400. I was beside myself. Let me explain why. Some of you know that I have been trying to get a replacement car for some time now. Not long but long enough for me. On yesterday, I finally got an approval that I can work with so far as financing this car.

::YaY::

I Purchased the policy for my car insurance and was mostly ready to go to get my new car! Today I wake up a lil late and start to running around and am in a REAL RUSH. I get outta my baby's apartment (HEY SHAWN) and get to Newark Penn Station. I realize that I don't have my $1400 I need for my down payment! It was like one of those moments that you wish wasn't true. I immediately emptied all of my pockets in search of this money. Couldn't find it. After searching for about an hour, calling and reporting a lost envelope and driving around looking for it, I called out of work. I was depressed and I knew somebody was gonna push a button and that was going to be all she wrote! I fell asleep unable to sustain one emotion for longer than several seconds. I would wanna cry but only one tear would come out. I wanted to pout (believe me I am a pouter), but I couldn't. WHY? I fell asleep with Shawn consoling me. He told me everything was going to be OK. I was like hell nah! I paid for a policy that I can't use, I don't have money for a car that I worked so hard to finance and lastly I'm too pissed to go to work!

::MOVING ON::

I fell asleep and woke up several upon several times within 2 hours. Each dream had the same message, and it was that I was going to find the money here in the house and not on the streets of Newark where it will be very unlikely that somebody will return it. In the dreams I found it in my coat, various different pockets, many different locations in the house, and lastly on my leg! That was the weirdest one but I checked and lo and behold there it is! at the bottom of my pant leg.

The title of this post entitled Blessing or Carelessness. I don't care which one it is or how anyone views it, I got my money for my new car!

::HOLLLAAAA::

Technical Difficulties...

Ok the subject that I wanted to talk about on video I can't do. I got ready to do the video and lo and behold My camera is missing! So I have to do the video post later on this week when I get my webcam back...

Question: Why is it that some people need to control their lover or people in general?

I'm going to say that a couple who I know, I'll name them Dee and Cee, are a new couple and are going through a lil something. Dee is 39 years old and seems to like younger guys. the guy that he just started to date is Cee and he is 18 years old. There is an obvious power struggle and a control issue. Dee, it seems like to me, always as to have the last word. Has to throw his dominance around. Cee is very book-smart and isn't street smart. He gets walked on all the time. It is SOOO plain to see that Dee Takes advantage of him and Cee doesn't know how to react to it. Just on tonight he wanted to come by Shawn's place and play video games. Dee said, "go if you want" "I don't know if I'm gonna be home when you get through". I'm hearing this and I say what the hell! Dee couldn't be considerate and call before he leaves or swing by and pick him up before he goes out? well he's the reply to that, "I'm not going that way". I heard that and all I could do is:

::EXHALE::

The thing is that I like Cee more than I like Dee. I've known Dee for 2 years. I want, for some reason, to side with Cee. He seems like he is the one that is going to be a victim of a upcoming relationship. Its going way too fast and way to quickly. I'm so up in the air I can't finish this post! How do you hang around all of this foolishness?

I Pose a Question

Ok I'm preparing a video post and I need to know a few things. I have two ideas for this post.

1. Talk about a few things that is on my mind. Some of which are amusing and others well You will see eventually...
2. You pick what you want me to talk about. This is always good, like a reader's choice!

I also have a question or two. I have seen video posts that are like 15+ minutes long! What is an acceptable length for a video post? Since I am absent minded and forgetful at times, is it ok to have a list of topics in front of me while I speak?

Let me know so I can do this video correctly!