I looked at a pic of momma. I read the plastic card they give you at the funeral with a brief obituary. I looked back at her pic. I then was dragged back into time to when I was in the hospital room. It was right after the doctor told my brother, father and I that she wasn't going to make it and we could go in to say our goodbyes. I relived the pain of seeing her life slip away right in front of me. I relived the sorrow. The deep emotional days and weeks to come, I relived. All of these events flooded and congested my head in a time frame of 3 minutes. I broke down and couldn't obtain composure. I called my brother and that didn't help. He offered humor in efforts to make me feel better. I don't know what it was that I needed for comfort, but he didn't give it to me. I fell asleep for a few minutes, boo hooing, and woke up with a calmer mind. It was really an overpowering rush that I wasn't prepared to deal with.
After that, I was feeling quite odd. I was goofy, silly, serious, spiritual, all at the same time! I'm just a bit off, and a lil more than I'm wishing to admit. I'm trying to convince myself that everything is alright with me. I'm only saying that because I don't know what exactly is off with me! I went to church and, afterwards I went over to Twin's house. (official apology for an oversight in my previous post about Mentor's). There was no parking in the land of Mills, located between Pothole City and Cop Central! So, as a result, I decided to head home. I pull into Home City and get a craving for rice. I mean a craving that had me driving around from city to city looking for rice. Its about 11:15 that I really started looking but I could find nothing. I drove around for over an hour. I drove about 20-25 miles looking for rice. No, I didn't wanna make any, I wanted pork fried rice and I wanted it then. I'm realizing that I slipped back into a mental state, at the same time I was going through my motions about momma, and I had to have things my way or my way. NO OTHER WAY!!! I never found my rice. I was pissed, upset, frustrated, agitated, aggravated and about to cry. I swear I thought I was going crazy! I called Dre as he was getting off of work and he offered me some rice. His roommate made some and said that I could have some if I wanted some. I settled. It was good, but not what I wanted. He temporarily satiated me until I order 20 pounds of rice tonight and pig the hell out! As soon as I get a break I am going to get that rice!
Have you ever emotionally slipped back into time to a previous age? Started acting the way you acted when you were younger? And couldn't help it? It bothered me because I couldn't control myself! I need help on this one...
After that, I was feeling quite odd. I was goofy, silly, serious, spiritual, all at the same time! I'm just a bit off, and a lil more than I'm wishing to admit. I'm trying to convince myself that everything is alright with me. I'm only saying that because I don't know what exactly is off with me! I went to church and, afterwards I went over to Twin's house. (official apology for an oversight in my previous post about Mentor's). There was no parking in the land of Mills, located between Pothole City and Cop Central! So, as a result, I decided to head home. I pull into Home City and get a craving for rice. I mean a craving that had me driving around from city to city looking for rice. Its about 11:15 that I really started looking but I could find nothing. I drove around for over an hour. I drove about 20-25 miles looking for rice. No, I didn't wanna make any, I wanted pork fried rice and I wanted it then. I'm realizing that I slipped back into a mental state, at the same time I was going through my motions about momma, and I had to have things my way or my way. NO OTHER WAY!!! I never found my rice. I was pissed, upset, frustrated, agitated, aggravated and about to cry. I swear I thought I was going crazy! I called Dre as he was getting off of work and he offered me some rice. His roommate made some and said that I could have some if I wanted some. I settled. It was good, but not what I wanted. He temporarily satiated me until I order 20 pounds of rice tonight and pig the hell out! As soon as I get a break I am going to get that rice!
Have you ever emotionally slipped back into time to a previous age? Started acting the way you acted when you were younger? And couldn't help it? It bothered me because I couldn't control myself! I need help on this one...
8 thoughts:
I know some people don't have good relationships, with their mother and some mothers don't have that motherly instict...it's just a fact, but when you do have that great relationship, and you loose them, it will feel like you have lost your bestfriend, and that won't go away for awhile. I remember that it had been several years since my grandmother died, and at times my mother would break down and just cry, becasue she missed my grandmother so much.
Sometimes you just need a good cry, even a man.
I have to be honest, I don't think i have ever slipped back in time to another previous age... I have wished I could. To a time and age, that things...were just different.
For some reason, I just feel like i have been the same age, as long as I can remember. I feel like I was born old. I don't know.
Everything you was going through I guess I feel, wasn't so out of the normal. Well, maybe that whole you need rice and you are going to drive 25 miles to get it. Uh yeah... I think you out on your own on that one.
For you to be a cook, you sure do eat out a lot...I have noticed that from previous post...lol
look at my kitchen and you will understand why. Look at the people i live with and you will better undeerstand why i dont cook at home. I can't wait to have my own, there will be very little eating out, TRUST AND BELIEVE!
right after you get out of the bath tub you take a towel, preferrably a long full one and tie it around your neck and stand in front of a full length mirror with a raging hard on; hands on hip and suddenly turn into Superman, or is it batman, I forget which..
I don't that I have slipped back to an earlier me...but you are dealing with a lot and in order to be okay the mind tries to protect us...so just let it...
WOW...A serious post. It blew me away...WOW. I have no words.
Yeah i do sometimes. I just turn on some tunes and ride it through. Sleep and wake up tomorrow and do something. Sooner or later the gloom will fade away. =)
Humans are multi dimensional. Feel what you need to feel just dont let it consume and stop you from living.
Goodluck!
Yeah i Feel you. Ive had a similar experience where i remembered something and it sent me into a rage.... most times when I get angry I sleep it off with my headphones on.... My music always helps....
I try not to dwell on the past too much because my past was a horrible one.... instead I try to stay positive and think since my past was so horrible my future cant do anything but be better.... I pray that gos has something better in store for me..
I'm still mad you had me on the phone through your "I'm going back to Newark because nobody's open that sells rice" fit... lol
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