Someone told me the other day that he was looking to date someone. Another friend of mine told me that he had a relationship with someone. My coworker told me that she seeing this guy, but this was her fiance! They all seemed like the same thing to me. The situations and the circumstances surrounding each of them were alike. I'm not going to even go on this whole friends with benefits thing! You know what, I just might! I really would like to know where is the line drawn between them!
I would view friendship as someone who thoughts may be communicated with, time shared, and moments spent. These things would not be on the level of intimacy. There no set commitment to each other, only time that one feels necessary to keep a friendship stable and healthy.
Seeing someone would be a friendship that you have prospects for more. I believe that you are more open emotionally towards this person and there is a greater level of interest building to intimacy here. You want that sign that you can pursue them. The motive if this would be to see if you can go further on to the next stage. I would say that stage is dating!
Dating would be two people coming together in efforts to spend time together. The purpose for getting to know each other. The intimacy level is increased and you see the person for what they are more and more. What they enjoy, what they desire. One would be qualifying the other, or each other, to see if a relationship is possible between the two. They seek compatibility. I would say at this point there is still no commitment because you are still in the learning process of determining whether you want to commit yourself!
I have seen many people date multiple people at the same time, "playing the field" if you will! Some say its healthy because you are not limiting yourself. I believe its not healthy because you can't focus a good amount of time on one person. You can't spread yourself out and effectively get to know everybody deeply if you're dating 10 people! Seriously, come on now! We have all done it in some way, shape or form. Is it right? I'll leave that up to you. Not going to judge anyone!
Then there would be the relationship stage. The commitment would enter here, or it should! Some people call themselves in a committed relationship and are actively seeing/dating/ having other relationships. To each is their own I suppose. Not judging there either. We all have our demons we have to deal with! Here is where intimacy would be at its peak! Someone told me that would intimacy means "in to me see". It sounds cheesy, but its quite relative. When you're intimate with someone, it doesn't mean that you are having sex. You are opening yourself up to someone. You are exposing a great deal of yourself leaving you vulnerable. That is why you are in a committed state because of the trust level with your partner.
I would say there are to stages that I don't quite know if should be included and where they would go if I would include them. That would be "friends with benefits" or "open relationships". I think we all what these are and what all they entail. These are stages for the "have your cake and eat it too" people. lol Is it fair? Is it logical? One could argue that if it works for them, fine! I'm not sure how to view it. I might of considered myself a part of this group, but I could consider myself as trying to stay far away from this group. I feel it doesn't build anything lasting and permanent. That's just my words.
Did I place the line in the correct places? Would you you have anything to add, subtract? Does it matter?
I would view friendship as someone who thoughts may be communicated with, time shared, and moments spent. These things would not be on the level of intimacy. There no set commitment to each other, only time that one feels necessary to keep a friendship stable and healthy.
Seeing someone would be a friendship that you have prospects for more. I believe that you are more open emotionally towards this person and there is a greater level of interest building to intimacy here. You want that sign that you can pursue them. The motive if this would be to see if you can go further on to the next stage. I would say that stage is dating!
Dating would be two people coming together in efforts to spend time together. The purpose for getting to know each other. The intimacy level is increased and you see the person for what they are more and more. What they enjoy, what they desire. One would be qualifying the other, or each other, to see if a relationship is possible between the two. They seek compatibility. I would say at this point there is still no commitment because you are still in the learning process of determining whether you want to commit yourself!
I have seen many people date multiple people at the same time, "playing the field" if you will! Some say its healthy because you are not limiting yourself. I believe its not healthy because you can't focus a good amount of time on one person. You can't spread yourself out and effectively get to know everybody deeply if you're dating 10 people! Seriously, come on now! We have all done it in some way, shape or form. Is it right? I'll leave that up to you. Not going to judge anyone!
Then there would be the relationship stage. The commitment would enter here, or it should! Some people call themselves in a committed relationship and are actively seeing/dating/ having other relationships. To each is their own I suppose. Not judging there either. We all have our demons we have to deal with! Here is where intimacy would be at its peak! Someone told me that would intimacy means "in to me see". It sounds cheesy, but its quite relative. When you're intimate with someone, it doesn't mean that you are having sex. You are opening yourself up to someone. You are exposing a great deal of yourself leaving you vulnerable. That is why you are in a committed state because of the trust level with your partner.
I would say there are to stages that I don't quite know if should be included and where they would go if I would include them. That would be "friends with benefits" or "open relationships". I think we all what these are and what all they entail. These are stages for the "have your cake and eat it too" people. lol Is it fair? Is it logical? One could argue that if it works for them, fine! I'm not sure how to view it. I might of considered myself a part of this group, but I could consider myself as trying to stay far away from this group. I feel it doesn't build anything lasting and permanent. That's just my words.
Did I place the line in the correct places? Would you you have anything to add, subtract? Does it matter?
13 thoughts:
Good post!
In all honesty, I think you pinned the tail on the donkey. There are several levels of "relationships".
Whether it's friends with benefits, seeing someone or dating, they ALL entail some of the same emotional and physical qualities. A recent blog of mine at www.hwiss.blogspot.com, discusses whether these emotional and physical qualities of relationships are all the same.
The only thing that separates each of these "circumstances," is the name. You call it "dating," I call it "talking to someone," -- You call it a "relationship," -- I call it "being exclusive." To each his/her own, the title is defined by the individuals involved.
On another note -- I do not think anything's wrong with "playing the field." Sure, one may stressed too thin between people, but the purpose of playing the field is to determine who is worth one's time. How someone chooses to spend time with each person is up to the individual -- but overall, it can be a good thing (if done safely).
Anyway -- that's where I stand!
This is a great post! I think the key to whatever state of dating you find yourself in, its important to communicate and make sure your partner is on the same page. If not you could end up like me lol. Check out my Bitch Stop Callin me post lol. We were clearly on 2 different pages
hells yeah...friends with benefits
is not the move...it sound good
but your jealousy spot will open
and we all have jealousy hangups.
But yah tapped it out ...too
yourself be true right...later
manchild
I think you did a good job.
You were right on point...
I will comment later on this post, but you have been awarded the Honest Blogger Award, Fuzzy...see my blog for details
I think it depends on the person. So many of us are willing to accept more than the next man that it becomes almost impossible to determine.
i don't buy the friends with benefits. you might as well tell them that they are just a really cool bust down or a friend to jump on when its convienant..lmao
Well done. I pretty much date to get to know people - I figure out pretty quickly if it's someone I should continue to date or befriend ... I'm not against dating more than one person at a time, though.
Ill give you an A+ on this post! Lol I don't do the friends with benefits i'm all about commitment because no telling how many other friends they have with benefits!
i put d line down d middle of the bed.. sleep on your own damn side!
(especially if its d wet side.....now you know Y there are two beds in a motel room...)
I rather have a friend with benefit becuz...a relationship takes too much of my energy. LOL
Good Post Fuzzy
I think your tiers or levels or whatever you want to call them are just fine. I also think that open 3rd tier or committed relationships can work just fine and even help make intimacy stronger. It's a special thing, but when done right I think it works well.
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