Coming into myself has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I've never had to be an individual. My mother picked out my clothes, then the boyfriends followed suit after her passing. I've never had to find myself because I never was alone, felt alone or lost. I felt sexy, despite looking through the mirror at myself and seeing someone who wasn't sexy enough.
This coming January 2017 will mark 4 years of me being single. I've had to recover and heal, discover and identify, learn and grow all before looking to not be single once again. Gabe was the last significant in my life and I'm not sure whether to thank him or curse him. He left me in such shamble, in an extreme torn state, laying on the side of life wondering what the actual fuck! I wouldn't be in the knowledge of what I want if it wasn't for him, but I wouldn't be as mean, jaded, vindictive, pessimistic and hurtful either. I'm still heading in terms of going back to the person who I identify myself as. I've healed from the damage of the relationship, I'm just wondering if I'll ever heal to the cheerfully optimistic and bright guy I once was. My magic 8 ball said check back later, smh!
As of late, after several moves and miscellaneous happenings, my wardrobe is not what it used to be. I noticed that I'm in need of a dire upgrade for the fall and winter season. Hell, for next year's summer and spring season also! As mentioned before, I've always had someone help me dress. Being the single guy that I am, I have nobody to fill that position. So I've ventured out and started window shopping, trying on clothes, seeing what I like, what I don't. What fits, what doesn't. I'm in a brand new mode of discovery and I believe I'm enjoying it. I've never been one to shop much, I never really liked spending money. Plus, malls suck for parking and those check out lines are ridiculous! I'm doing this and I'm liking it. One pair of shoes, one shirt, one set of trousers… one thing at a time. Maybe a photo shoot of some outfits will be in order!
I'm changing up the hair too. Last year I grew my hair out for the winter. This year I'll do the same with a bit more style. I've got a barber stylist that will aid me in keeping me looking my best. I've already started turning heads and my gray is looking quite nice! Yup, gray hair is here and I'm not getting rid of it! I'm owning it and if others don't like it, I'm sure there's a nearby bridge.
I've swyped away another post on the phone. I'm hoping to be back more regularly for those who are following. If I'm typing to none of you, thanks to the universe for allowing my expression to take place!
Just Keep Wondering...
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