I just had to post a lil something while I was out here. To be honest, this vacation is sorta acting like a band aid for my relationship. I can't act phony and play the fraud. I'm lookin for the honeymoon to come back. I'm looking for the happy times again.
Since times got a bit hard for me, things have been hard for us. I done lost my apartment, moved around from place to place looking for residence to call my own, lost my car, license, and my peace. Not mentioning some of my joy too! I've been going thru some health changes as well! Struggling with some depression on the hush too. I have so much going on with me and mines I just needed to try to get away and shed some of this skin and maybe come back new.
I've been here in AZ since Friday, June 22nd. My vacation has consisted of a trip to club Amsterdam, a bathhouse called Flex, 2 billiards, and attempted a sex party at our resort accomodations. Nothing was really so great to write home to momma about. I will say that of every place that I've been to, I'll revisit Flex before its all over! Sounds like a good time right? Nah, nothing has really changed. I really blew up at Gabe in my mind off of a simple comment of "damn man, you can't walk any faster than that". It was on... Talk about domestic dispute! My thing is, I'm walking my normal speed, which isn't a rush. I am on vacation too! I rush all of the time when I'm at home. Why should I need to such when I'm on vacation?
I'm really close to calling it quits. I'm just too stressed and I can't really keep going with all of this on my mind. Things gotta change and Gabe and I will have a convo before we board the plane going back to Jersey. I don't even have any plan b's in mind to head to to replace Gabe, I think some time alone is what I need. Maybe I might need a vacation alone to gather myself and place some things in proper perspective. We have 2.5 days left here. I haven't gotten any good dick, no good ass not even any decent head! Phoenix sucks! Aint no black ppls here worth a shit. The spanish dudes tired and the only dudes that's bout it is the white folks, but they all older than menopause.
Currently I'm about to have some bbq and maybe play some spades. if it gets serious i'm going to sleep! I'm in my underwear by the bbq grill in the back of the resort. Its hot as shit. The sun is down and been down for some time and I don't think its under 100 yet... I'll be glad to hit it back to jersey
12 years ago
4 thoughts:
When peeps don't blog for a bit, I hope they are busy with life and things are good, I hope you find your center soon.
Fuzzy, I can't understand why you won't allow yourself to have true happiness. A few months ago things were going fine for you, now you're having even more issues than before. Lil Bro because I have been reading your blog for years I know that you are an intelligent young man,handsome and without a doubt lovable. What I didn't know is that you have a need for acceptance from all the wrong people, lovers etc. Do you Boo and let the other things find their way into your life on another level. Right now you should be enjoying life and not suffering from depression.
Fuzzy please stop letting things or people hold you back, it is time you do you. Seek employment that best suits you, apply for housing and stay focused.
Okay now on to Arizona... Of all the places you could have visited you ventured to Arizona. Good luck!
Aww man, if I had known you were planning to take a trip to AZ in the middle of summer...I would have told you to save your money! That place is WAY too hot to be much fun in less you already know someone there that you plan to spend time with visiting.
Sorry the bathhouse and all didn't work out....lol I didn't know there was one there.
The worst kind of vacation you can have is the one where you feel shittier than you felt when you were sitting at home or walking into the building where you work. I mean who really wants to take the time and travel miles just to visit the same miseries that you were trying to get away from? Do yourself a favor and really ask, "What do I want?"
Don't settle for a new pair of shoes or a even a new apartment because those things are just transitory. They'll be gone in a year or 10 years. What is it that's going to make you, you? Find that and the rest will all fall into place.
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