It's been a long time coming. I'm kinda heavy hearted, but it's necessary to have this release. I can't effectively move on into the future without letting go what is in my past. I held onto a possibility and a slim chance of things possibly changing or turning around for my good. Waiting for a second chance at something that was dead after the first. I've wasted time, and potentially ruined relationships, because I couldn't let go.
There was this girl that I had deep feelings for. Real deep, deep like having priority type of deep. We liked each other at several different times throughout adolescence and our teens. It continued even into adulthood. I just was dealing with my homo side and didn't wanna drag her into the mud with my foolishness. I invested on the idea that she felt the way she did and I hoped for a possibility that maybe one day we might get together. I fooled myself time and time again and was hurt repeatedly. There is only one person that knows the magnitude of how I feel about her and he's not around to share the intense conversations we've had concerning her. I've come to a point in my life where I can't hold onto possibilities any longer.
Shawn. I held onto this crazy notion that one day Shawn and I would meet one day and have a round two. I have functioned as his friend after we broke up, and will continue to do so. I had to release this notion from my mind. It was leading me through roads of comparison. This guy isn't this. This guy isn't that. He wont do this. He wont do that. Shawn was the standard for every guy I talked to since we broke up. Only because he is such a great guy. I have to realize what I want and look for that in other people, as opposed to seeing how much like Shawn they were. I mean no offense to you by any means and I stick to my promise of 1, bettering myself, and 2, being a true friend to you.
I had to let these two things burn in my heart to clear the way for my present and future. I feel like a new Fuzzy. A Fuzzy that was just reborn, and I'm looking forward to new adventures to come.
Keep On Wondering...
6 thoughts:
I just went through something similar, and I agree. Let go of the possibility that you'll get back together blissfully 'cause it's over, live life and love a new. I'm happy 4 you.
Glad to hear that man, cause a little change for the better is good.
Fuzzy, I have no understanding why you had held on to the possibility that you might get back together with past lover or lovers. Once a relationship ends it is hard to go back to the way it used to be, but it is possible to love again.
Change will do your heart good,, it is time you make your own happiness. Man will fail you everytime, it is up to you to seek the life you want to live. Let it burn.
Its good to hear that your trying to better yourself, and move on from certain things from the past. Good Luck!
;-)
My first wrote something similar about me ... and I suppose I could have written the same about him. Interesting that he and I were both pining for each other for years and didn't know it.
But, I understand the feeling - and also understand that letting it go isn't easy. It truly must run its course. And that renewal at the end of it is really refreshing.
Well done!
Bro, write all of this down on a piece of paper, and put it under your feet, light it on fire and let it burn. Let it out of your life, so that you can heal and move onto the bigger and better things that God has for you, we both know God did not bring you all the way to 2010 to just exists and not live, without joy, peace, love and happiness, he wants the best for you and so do I. Love You Bro, R.
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