Victim of Humanity

Let me explain what was going on. So,Wednesday was the start of my shitty mood with the teacher that wanted to show me his ass. That then decided to filter itself into Thursday. Which crumbled the beginning of the day. I was subbing for the teacher who was served all the bad ass bastards that none of the other teachers wanted. The poor guy wasn't tenured and had a small voice so it happened. Anyway, in his classes, there was no authority laid, no rules enforced or anything. In plain English, the students ran that class. Therefore a clash between them and I all day in every classroom period! There were kids that wanted to fight me, kids that called me everything but a child of God, and God knows what else! Security didn't serve any help at all. They came, escorted the kids I kicked outta my class back with no disciplinary action at all! I mean substitute teachers have been stripped of most of their authority. The little we have doesn't go far. So when we assert that tiny bit of authority, and nothing happens, we become their equals. That means we can do nothing to them and we are on the same level as they are.

After school let out, I decided to come right on home. Dre was home and I grieved my day to him and he hopped on the train and ordered pizza to try to cheer me up. It was working. Then I took a slight nap. Woke up and was on my way to bible study. Drove there only to find out its canceled. Pet peeve, driving for no reason! I don't like that at all! So I decided to stop into Bob's discount furniture, to show Dre the pieces I picked out. There were 2 sets I fancied. A tan and dark brown leather combo and a brown combo. Moving on, cause I can sure digress! The saleswoman tried to get me to run the credit app for the financing. I relucted to consent. I knew what my credit looked like. Not the greatest. I didn't want to build my hopes up to have them crash down. I just hate disappointment. I ran it and was declined. It felt like a low blow for some reason. Like the rug had been pulled out from under me. I wanted to curl up in myself and release. I tried to hide it or shrug it off or whatever. I mean it felt like someone stacked the chips against me and glued together wit Krazy Glue so they would never fall! I attempted to move on.

On the way back home it seemed like everyone forgot their license at home and was actin like fools on the road. Folks were dancing in the middle of the highway, minivans got aggressive like the soccer mom president was late pickin up her baby! I just wanted to go home. I get here and Dre made me a drink. I had orange and rum. A drink I've had plenty of times before. This time it went to work extra quick. Idk what was happening but before long I had a carpet to clean up and stained Capri's and converses, calling Earl over the toilet. I was embarrassed and confused. I've always been able to hold my liquor. Never had a hangover and never been flat out drunk. And wasn't last night either! After that was over I either passed out or went to sleep. I can't remember which. I woke up to Dre being in a mood. I'm still feelin it. I woke up tipsy and groggy. I thought he was pissed over my antics last night but no, he was pissed to two conversations I was having with friends that he read on my phone. And that's when the anger began to grow. In my morning tipsiness, I believed that he thought I was cheating on him. I went the hell off! F this and F that etc... for my friends that know me and my situations and my personality I have grown in the past 10 months. Not grown but growing! I just 86'd everyone and needed time to my thoughts, and waited for them to become sober. Through sober convo with Dre later on this past afternoon, things were clearly communicated. Apologies shared and things began to move on for the better.

I'm human, I bleed red just like you do. I hurt like everyone else. And like everyone else I have a breaking point. I reached that today. I'm better now. Stomach is calm, nerves are calm and I'm looking to just relax. Thank you bloggers for being an ear for me! I apologize to everyone I've ignored today also. I'm turning my twitter alerts back on now and my IMs too. See y'all later!