I'm in a situation. Let me start off by saying that I'm moving past my infatuation stage. This ain't the honeymoon and I realized I'm in a scene of life that's needs to be deleted. I'm falling for someone who is compromising my morals playing with my heart and clouding my judgement. I want to be with someone so bad that I just settled. Settled for mediocrity. Building something that doesn't exist. Giving him power over me. I really fell for him! Fell down in other words. Don't get me wrong, he's a really nice guy. He's handsome, vibrant, interesting, sexy, caring and more. He's also a jack ass (his words not mine), smokes, has problems (who doesn't but he has many), and at a stage in life where he has to find himself! I was attracted to my ability to help him. The possibility to be an influence on him. I'm giving up. All who I've confided in about him seem to not like him and the effect he has on me. I'm seeing what they see, but I don't want to. I like him! I still do! When is enough enough? I'm vulnerable but that's life... there's a time for everything! Right?
Going on to the actual post! Valentine's Day is my mother's Birthday. My mother died on October 23rd 2005. I've always spent Valentine's day celebrating with my mom. Exchanging gifts, going out to dinner, playing games and having mother son time. After she died I was with Shawn. We've spent every Valentine's Day together. This is the first year alone. I actually didn't even know Valentine's Day was coming. I was planning a shopping day, 2/14/2009 and I was reminded of the significance of that day. I was numb to the day. I completely forgot! Then I called around to find out everyone's plans. Everyone is busy, going out of town to have fun! I have nobody. Even the guy that I'm bent over is busy! I really need something to do. I want somewhere to go. I wouldn't mind someone to be with. There's a bit more than a week until the big day and I don't know what's in store for me and the big day.
An old friend, who happens to be a friend of the guy I'm talkin too (or want to talk to), said there's nothing wrong with being alone. I can't see the logic in that. 3 years ago I never wanted to be in a relationship. Now I'm so down that I'm not in one! Such a change has occurred in me! I just can't precisely describe!
Ok, I'm puttin myself in a deeper mood, so this is where the post ends...
Going on to the actual post! Valentine's Day is my mother's Birthday. My mother died on October 23rd 2005. I've always spent Valentine's day celebrating with my mom. Exchanging gifts, going out to dinner, playing games and having mother son time. After she died I was with Shawn. We've spent every Valentine's Day together. This is the first year alone. I actually didn't even know Valentine's Day was coming. I was planning a shopping day, 2/14/2009 and I was reminded of the significance of that day. I was numb to the day. I completely forgot! Then I called around to find out everyone's plans. Everyone is busy, going out of town to have fun! I have nobody. Even the guy that I'm bent over is busy! I really need something to do. I want somewhere to go. I wouldn't mind someone to be with. There's a bit more than a week until the big day and I don't know what's in store for me and the big day.
An old friend, who happens to be a friend of the guy I'm talkin too (or want to talk to), said there's nothing wrong with being alone. I can't see the logic in that. 3 years ago I never wanted to be in a relationship. Now I'm so down that I'm not in one! Such a change has occurred in me! I just can't precisely describe!
Ok, I'm puttin myself in a deeper mood, so this is where the post ends...
13 thoughts:
you could always come visit me, the 14th is my birthday too, and at the moment ill be spending it alone
I know you feel about this man. It hurts to know that you care about him but can't care enough about himself let alone you...so let him be and find the right ONE for you...
Sorry about your mom, my mother's birthday is on the 15th of February and I hope you are not alone on that day of all days
damn, im all the way down in little country georgia and your up in new jersey, maybe we could meet have way
spontaneous, impromptu, different and daring... its a thought J!
I can definitely see why your emotions are so mixed up. There seem to be memories around this time that remind of you various loves and death. Only you will know, but just make sure that your desire to be with him is not just the manifestation of these feelings ONLY. But I think you know that already. And I will have to agree with your friend, there is nothing wrong with spending Valentines Day by yourself. It may be good for you. It seems that you may have been running from dealing with certain emotions on that day by keeping yourself busy. Maybe you need to just be alone on that day and deal with those emotions. Cry, scream, yell, laugh or whatever.
Most of the heartache in our lives aren't brought upon us, they are allowed by us. Seeing that this man is not right for you is the first step, moving on is the second...you have a responsibility to do what's right for you.
Being alone isn't a bad thing. It gives you the time to work on you, think about things, and make sure you're on the right path. Time alone is precious, sometimes tough, but precious. Use it selfishly...
JB
Yo - come outta that slump!
I Think You should let it go and concentrate on yourself. I feel like when i did this my life was so much better and stress free. I was able to have a clear head and vision of what my priorities were.
Sorry about your mom. But maybe spending the day reflecting on all the good times you had with her will help you realize what you need to do next....
i won't coment about the situation with ol boy because i know you're a smart young man who's going to make the best decision for you. :)
my heart dropped when i read what day your mother passed on...that's my birthday and that year was a tuff year for me...sigh*
you can always come and visit me for vday..i have nothing planned and i can show you what it feels like to sleep with a woman!! lmao!!!
i kidd, i kidd- just had to bring some excitement to your post. :)
♥
Let that brotha go now! If you are just making accomodation in lieu of satisfaction then you are right the relationship is mediocre. Fuzzy dearheart do not just settle for anything, no that is not what it is about, you are one intelligent and handsome brotha you can find, and will find a soulmate a good soulmate. Ease out of that situation now!
Your heart must be heavy right about now being that a few short years ago you lost your mother, and her birthday is coming which happens to be Valentine Day.
Fuzzy there is nothing wrong with spending Valentine day alone, it doesn't feel good, but it can because you can be your own Valentine this year... love yourself. many of us will be Valentineless, there is a reason for me, but there is no reason for you to be without a Nook Nook.
Settling for the available is always a big mistake and if you don't know what to do on v day, cook up a storm or say Sexylove a visit.
First off, sorry about your mother's passing. Second, it's ok to be alone sometimes. Third, be your own valentine. Do something you've always wanted to do. If you have the money, hit up a Broadway show. Maybe there are some singles events that are going on. You've got time.
YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE LONELY. I AM HERE FOR YOU.
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