First I saw, Now I see

I saw and now I see. It was like a pure vision hat couldn't be mistaken. I saw me and him together having fun. I saw me and him running about doing what we do, together. I saw an "us". I saw potential. I saw improvement. What I didn't see was reality.

Reality let me see things the war they are, instead of how I wanted them to be. Reality let me see inequality. Reality let me see the other side of the equation. Reality shut my fantasy down. I wanted something real with JJ so badly, that I painted my own fantasy. Reality came along and busted my bubble. It echoed in my head repeatedly and loudly. I bowed my head, shed a tear and took a step. I stepped into newness and away from the pain I inflicted on myself by ignoring reality.

I can, and did, bad all by myself. What I realized is sometimes dreams are just what they are, dreams, not meant for reality. I don't wish to dive into my weekend's events, but there was one thing I never got. It was the only thing I wanted, a hug. I didn't really care from who, but I wanted a love hug. Something to express one's care for me! Soon enough, I suppose!

JJ and I no longer have a future. Well, at the very least, not a romantic future! I'll be removing certain benefits from the whole relationship, now officially known as a friendship, and removing him from my priority list. I was beat over him and it took a dream to reveal this to me. Apparently one of my friends cussed the life from him at my defense, calling him everything but a child of God! Truth was served directly in front of me and I woke up in the reality spoken above.

It's President's Day and I'm home. I think I ice cream is calling my name. I'm not sure which kind, but there will definitely be whipped cream, strawberries, pecans, cookies and syrup involved. What? I'm fat, yea I know, Get off my back! Food makes me feel better. Idk maybe this will give me the kick start to cooking on my 3rd blog. (I'm waitin for Twin's comment)

I'm looking for my very first apartment. I'm sprouting my wings and going out on my own. I'm on a budget so this will be a trial for me but I'm believing that things will work out. I have to, because if they don't, I don't wanna see the consequence. So, I'm determined to stand on my own for the first time in my life. It WILL happen! In the meantime of me looking for a place, I have three new house guests. My cousin and her infant girl, and a student that had no where else to turn to. I'm gonna probably have drama and much more to blog about. Its all good though, It will no longer be quiet around the house. That's good for Daddy! (gag)

I have a lot on my mind these days. Please pardon me for not visiting and commenting. I will make my way around to your blog, I promise. Just give me some time. Speed reading isn't a talent of mine! Lol I hope everyone's elses Valentine's Day weekend was better than mine was!