Seesaw

Seesaws are primeraly things that have ups and downs. I've been told that maybe I should have someone evaulate my life from a non objective view. I really don't need that.

Keepin it 100, bein as real as possible, shit is always off with me. Shit is always going wrong with me. Something is always happening to me or to people around me. Its almost as if I'm a stray black cat walking the streets of new york. I'm either gonna gonna get hit by a car, truck or bike, picked up by some guy who has a bbq cart in times square, or captured by the pet peoples and put down as soon as I get to the shelter! I'm just fucked all the way around. I've always had car issues. I've always had issues with finding a man, hell a woman too! When I got one, I find myself with an issue and complication every time. My friends have always been shit pieces. Work has always sucked and I have yet to be satisfied with an employer. Always had a broken family, even before momma died. Bad moment after unfortunate occurance followed by disaster is who I am. Now stay tuned...

When you hear the sunshine of my life, I over emphasize it. Why? Because I'm an optimist. I believe that all will be alright and I'm of the mindset that if I dwell in fortunate times, and over live my prosperous moments then I'll get more of them. I paint a fantasy and try to convince myself that all will be okay when reality has already painted me a broken and frightening image of my life. I refuse to let my reality dictate what I will be. I'm one that goes against reality and makes fantasies come true. Yea there's disappointment sometimes, but if there's one bit of success I'm thrilled in knowing that I've changed the image that reality wanted to give me into my own beautiful mosaic.

Naturally, since there is more misfortune than precious moments in my life it will seem as I'm always hit with something. I AM! Every lil shed of happiness I come across I'm gonna flourish in ans drain every bit of happiness from it and use it to the best of my ability. When its done and over with and there's no more joy to speak of, no more good times, and no praise reports, my dark clouds will show. I'll express them here because this is my outlet. I'd rather dump my darkness in cyber space than to walk around with my head hung down. Whenever I post most of my downer posts, when I'm finished typing, I feel better and I've gotten my second wind. Get back up in the morning and try it again. It would just be too easy to hold on to my emotions and become socially depressed, but that's not the route I wanna go in.

When you see my seesaw and u think I'm going going up and down, think again. I'm just sitting down waiting for my up to come and relishing every instance if up possibilities. No professional help needed here, I just need a break of happiness and I'll be fine. Just wish me the best, pray for me, and when you read of my good times, hope to see another for my next post.

Just Keep Wondering...