Is it for me?

What is a person's purpose in this life? What is for and what isn't for me? Where am I to go and where am I supposed to stay clear from? What am I destined to be? Who am I destined to be? What is my essential purpose? What have I been called to do?

Its funny, that at least some of these questions, all of us at one time or another have asked ourselves or in some instances somebody else. There are many of us that don't know the answers to the questions or don't feel certain and sure in the answers they have. I'm one of those people that needs clarity and needs to be sure. Life is way too short to have doubt about serious things that control and have so much to do with your life.

My role in the church has always been in the choir. I always thought that there was more for me in God. I may not be seeing it because I may not be in the place where I need to be in God. I have thought, in the not so distant past, that I was called to be in ministry. I'm not so sure now. I had a deep, unknown, emotion that seemed to move me. I'd like to know where I'm supposed to be so I can start to grow in that position. The message on Wednesday night was on commitment. We as Christians always see others, and their possessions and achievements, and envy what they have and it sometimes gets to the point where jealousy comes to the surface. Where as the ones that we envy have toiled and worked diligently for what they have and we expect a handout from God. God helps those that help themselves! Where is my commitment? I don't want to be one of those that goes to every church meet and function and go to hell giving God a half-praise. I feel as though I'm in a lukewarm state and that's not going to cut it! I don't wish to be a straddler caught between two opinions

I have often wondered through all the thoughts and expressions toward me, whether I am supposed to be trying so hard to make everything work for school. "Maybe you should put school on hold", "Do what you have to do and school may have to come second. You have to survive!" and "You have to be a man and be responsible to handle your business". I feel as though everybody is against me just when the last person I expect to come along gives me an encouraging word. My brother came out of his mouth and said, "I admire your strong will and determination to make things work for you. You turn down so many great jobs because you have a goal in mind and you intend to reach it no matter what! I'll never admit it to anybody but you're doing better than me because I would have quit by now. Just stay encouraged along the way and keep your chin up." Little does he know that his word gave me the strength to go just a little bit further. I will probably give him a huge hug later on when he gets home from wherever he is.

I've made mistakes and followed many wrong paths and done many incorrect things. To wonder when the right road will come my way and will I know when it is my road. Sometimes I go through this life with my eyes wide shut. Expecting the right way to fall right in front of me, when in reality that will not happen. I wonder what and who I am. I believe that everybody has a purpose, so what is mine? Why am I 21 years old, have gone through so much, and still have no idea what my purpose and calling is?

::Exhale::

I am yet waiting for a solid answer that I can lean on. Hmmm I hope I haven't dismissed the answer already. Does anybody KNOW what their purpose is and is 100% sure about it?