You remember when your parents said don't be in a hurry to grow up? Well I think I was one of the only ones that listened. I tried to be a kid to the best of my ability and tried not to have responsibility for as long as I could. I failed.
Some kids wanna grow up so fast so they can have all the glamour and privileges that's the adults have. The fancy cars, all the money, designer clothes, credit cards, and to be able to come and go as they please all go along with being grown. Couldn't tell me anything! I had a job at 13 years old. Started supporting myself around the age of 14 or 15 years old. You know those fancy cars that I spoke of, well, not for me. When I got my license, at 17 years old, I got a hooptie and was excited about it. It was a 1988 Chevy, nova what a beauty! I say this because today, a co-worker of mine (the one I despise), told me about how the car that her mother bought her broke down and she was mad that she had a broke car (the one that she paid not a cent for). I worked for much of what I have at the moment. I get annoyed at the inappreciative who take everything for granted. Well that's a digression...
Now I stand, that's right I'm standing, at 21 years old. I have bills, not because I asked for them because they came my way. I have responsibility because it came my way. I am grown and I didn't want it to happen, but it came my way. Can I trade it in? I am very fearful of the future. Is the rest of my life going to be working to pay a bill? To only die at the end... Will I be living in the present that comes from the future only to be turned into the past? Only to become part of history... I'd like to know why there is such pressure on us to live. Why is the standard so high to live a well life that you have to brake and tear yourself to have a mediocre ending? Why can't I go back? Why did I have to grow up?
I guess that being grown is better than being dead, or is it? All I know is, its over rated. The bulk of years that was spent sheltered is probably the best, and is all that I would ever want. on October 23, 2005, that shelter was taken away from me. Robbed of that strongest pillar that kept me sane and together as well as the best of my very best of friends.
Growing and maturing is a slow and often costly process. I, on the other hand, had a quick course and I'm in the accelerated program as I type and you read. I never was granted the opportunity to be the child with everything, or even some things, and whatever I had wasn't given on a silver platter.
if I wanted something personal or extra, I had to do it mostly myself. It sucks to have to buy your own toys, games, special food items... and to only get something on your birthday and Christmas, which was 3 months from each other. I came out of it only to have to do it all by myself. I guess this is what these people are calling life. Well if this is life then life is real lousy!
I just wanna roll back time and freeze it. It may not be a great place to be but its a better place than the present. At the very least, my strong pillar would still be in place and my best friend would still be there for me. I'm so broken, I don't know if I will ever be fixed...
::exhale::
Some kids wanna grow up so fast so they can have all the glamour and privileges that's the adults have. The fancy cars, all the money, designer clothes, credit cards, and to be able to come and go as they please all go along with being grown. Couldn't tell me anything! I had a job at 13 years old. Started supporting myself around the age of 14 or 15 years old. You know those fancy cars that I spoke of, well, not for me. When I got my license, at 17 years old, I got a hooptie and was excited about it. It was a 1988 Chevy, nova what a beauty! I say this because today, a co-worker of mine (the one I despise), told me about how the car that her mother bought her broke down and she was mad that she had a broke car (the one that she paid not a cent for). I worked for much of what I have at the moment. I get annoyed at the inappreciative who take everything for granted. Well that's a digression...
Now I stand, that's right I'm standing, at 21 years old. I have bills, not because I asked for them because they came my way. I have responsibility because it came my way. I am grown and I didn't want it to happen, but it came my way. Can I trade it in? I am very fearful of the future. Is the rest of my life going to be working to pay a bill? To only die at the end... Will I be living in the present that comes from the future only to be turned into the past? Only to become part of history... I'd like to know why there is such pressure on us to live. Why is the standard so high to live a well life that you have to brake and tear yourself to have a mediocre ending? Why can't I go back? Why did I have to grow up?
I guess that being grown is better than being dead, or is it? All I know is, its over rated. The bulk of years that was spent sheltered is probably the best, and is all that I would ever want. on October 23, 2005, that shelter was taken away from me. Robbed of that strongest pillar that kept me sane and together as well as the best of my very best of friends.
Growing and maturing is a slow and often costly process. I, on the other hand, had a quick course and I'm in the accelerated program as I type and you read. I never was granted the opportunity to be the child with everything, or even some things, and whatever I had wasn't given on a silver platter.
if I wanted something personal or extra, I had to do it mostly myself. It sucks to have to buy your own toys, games, special food items... and to only get something on your birthday and Christmas, which was 3 months from each other. I came out of it only to have to do it all by myself. I guess this is what these people are calling life. Well if this is life then life is real lousy!
I just wanna roll back time and freeze it. It may not be a great place to be but its a better place than the present. At the very least, my strong pillar would still be in place and my best friend would still be there for me. I'm so broken, I don't know if I will ever be fixed...
::exhale::
8 thoughts:
Man... i feel you on most the stuff you're talking about. It sucks to grow up too fast, to feel like you never had a childhood... Look where it Led Michael Jackson.
The only thing you can do is see the good side of it, and thank god for allowing you to know what life is and for making you stronger by makin you realize fast enough that you have to fight to get what you want.
Tell me somethin, do you wanna have kids ?
I do wanna have kids, but I'm unsure on whether I want to bring them into a world of hate, sin, and pain. I'd love to have kids to enjoy their life, watch them grow, and to teach them the right way of living to influence others. On the other hand I dont to bring them into a world only to die in it later...
When you figure out how to roll back time an freeze it....holla at me ASAP!
I'm dreading going to be grown one day. I'm going to be yelling and acting crazy, it won't be good. (LOL)
I feel you on having to work for everything, hence why I have my two jobs now. But whatever. It gives you work ethic, backbone, moral qualities, and gives your soul a bit more color than the opaque ones of the ruch and fortunate.
I LOVE being 16 and I'm in no rush to grow up, although people say I act too grown, not like by being rude, by the things thT I do, and how I carry myself...WHATEVER.
I may be in high school and college but...I still wear Spongebob pj pants, and will throw down with some cinnamon toast crunch, foot loops, and applejacks in the same bowl with some Pokemon and Little BILL. HEYYYY!!!!
-Marz
cinnamon toast crunch fruit loops and applejacks in the SAME BOWL?!?! what blasphemy is this? Who would do such a thing. Why taint the sancitity of cinnamon toast crunch with anything so ridiculous as fruit loops and applejacks. YOU CAN"T TAKE THE RAINBOW WITH YOU EVERYWHERE!!
ok i'm done
Fuzzy, the loss or lack of an ixddeal childhood is something a lot of folk have to deal with to different degrees. coping with it is up to you and God...regrets are anchors that keep you tied to the intangible and fairly use,less past. Let it go. I speak from experience. and yeah it's a slow process but hey, anything worth accomplishing, having , keeping , is worht working hard for . *muah*
This is why we are kindred spirits, this is why we are on our "adult swim" together. I share in some of the same senitments you share in. Life can be very overwhealming, so at times taken a peice of our childhood and experiencing it is very important to both of us.
It doesn't mean that we can't handle our biz, but you have to balance work and fun, and uplift our lives and GOD's Legacy all at the same time.
If it why me and you are one, and together, we can get through our adult lives together, tickling and play fighting all the way!
If I haven't told you I appreciate you today, I do!
All I keep thinking of is:
"I don't want to grow up, I'm a Toys' R Us kid, there's a million toys at Toys 'R Us that I can play with! More bikes, more trains, more video games, it's the biggest toy store there is! I don't want to grow, because then if I did, I wouldn't be a Toys 'R Us kid!"
If I would have known then...
Those are the words that are ectched in my mind. Eveytime I pay a bill...everytime my child get s sick...eveytime I have to make a tough decison for myself.
I had it easy growing up but I chose the hard path. I wanted to be out on my own. I had 2 parents that loved me and gave me eveything, but it was not enough for me. I had to do it for myself.
As long as you are doing something to change your situation, you will be okay. But if there is no action, there will be no results.
Post a Comment