Can it be possible?

there have been talks and I have always wondered if "gay" was hereditary. I thought to myself if it was something that I got through the family blood line. could I have gotten it off the streets? or is it some type of genetic disorder. furthermore is it my choice or my nature?

about eight months ago, after my mother passed, I went through a period of "I’m not gay". I didn't want my mother to see me as I was. so I forced it into a closet, with hopes never to see the beast again. I was trying to keep my mother happy in the grave! about a month later, I fell into temptation and opened that closet door. I was weak or was I weak? still very conflicted about myself I went on living the homosexual life. in the back of my mind I always blamed my god brother for making me like this. until recently, I believed that.

I began to take a journey back into a time that was not looked at as significant. there was only one baby sitter that I could remember. she lived around the corner and her name was danay. she was in her late twenties and she would always point out to me that I had my hand on my hips just a little too often. she would always say that men don’t put their hands on their hips, women do! and it’s true, I still put my hands on my hips, but since then, I try to do it not so often. then there's the trip down memory lane number two. when I was in private school (kindergarten), we used to have nap time. we would roll out the mats, have a story read to us, pull the covers out and go to sleep for an hour. in that time, I would stick my finger in my butt :-) it was very weird but it felt good! I’d do that every time that nap time rolled around. when I got to be a little bit older, I started puttin stuff up there, i.e.: eraser end of pencil, capped pens, and eventually the stick to the toilet plunger lol! not too much further down the line I was bored with tryin to find sum one to give me a blowjob so the logic that I had was the distance between my mouth and my dick wasn't that far. I was around 5'8" at the time. sooo everyday I would stretch and bend until one day I had stretched far enough to get my head in my own mouth. before long I was able to get most of it in there! it was the best bj that I have ever gotten, hehe. I am glad that that eventually stopped, my back was starting to hurt...

could I have gotten from one of my father's habits (maybe in another post I’ll tell you about it), could it have been my god brother that peaked the curiosity, maybe it was something that just always was, I don’t know. I got a little bit of everything in the mix. it’s just me being as complex and complicated as usual!

-later days...