It's 3:14am. I just watched the latest episode of This Is Us and there was a short moment where I saw a moment that would never exist. Triplets, one adopted black child, sat in an emergency room and kept it real with each other. The camera zoomed out and I saw what I wish was my siblings. As dysfunctional as they are, they are honest at the very least.
My brothers don't know I like guys. Only one brother knows I'm positive. I have 4, in case if you were wondering. I often thought, what would life be like if I just came out. I know some may say, it's 2017 and nobody cares. Those who might say that don't have my potential losses at hand. My brother is a assistant Pastor. I'm a minister. My uncle is a pastor. My cousin is a national evangelist. Public humiliation, exile, discommunication, among the names I'd be called? If I had a closer more tradable family as a substitute, then maybe I'd risk it. As of now, if those terrible things occurred, I'd be alone. I mean alone is what I am now, but alone is deff what I'd be if shit went south.
You're probable judging me for being a minister and all of my dealings here. It's cool, make sure you judge yourself before you judge me. Keep in mind that in God's eyes, wrong is wrong and there's no scale to the wrongness. I have to let these things out to become a better me. If not, these expressions turn into something severely unhealthy. Then rash unexpected outbursts happen. Next thing you know, people are looking at me like, "what's wrong with him? " Moving onward...
I can't help but ponder what lies in the works for my siblings' relationships in the future. I think we're so dysfunctional it's beyond repair. Who's to say tho?
Just Keep Wondering...
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