Torn In Time

Gabe has been shot and I've been here every step of the way. In the wrong place at the wrong time, doing the wrong thing and some punk decides to unload 5 bullets into him. I'm so furious that he's made these choices resulting in the ones closest to him being stressed be gone reasonable consideration.

During this whole exchange, I've been by his side, checking the nurse's negligence, being present in the nurse's absence, and performing the worst of the nurses' duties. I've listened to the comments and opinions of friends and family, been offended because I chose to care, and insulted because of my compassion. Its been a rough past week and it's only the beginning. I'm very lucky that Gabe is still alive and with us, I'm just concerned that this isn't the appropriate wake up call he needed. I'm hoping that he makes the necessary changes to his life to reduce or eliminate the risk of future occurrences like this.

I know Gabe is my ex, but I never lost love for him. I questioned it, tried to ignore it and even act like it didn't exist. I can say, at this point, that mission was a failure. Being around someone for such a long stretch of time, in some very personable acts, intimately private moments, lot points and high peaks, I feel like I'm falling in love all over again. I'm remembering all the hurt I went through, the trying times and all! Its not the happiest moments of my life one bit. While tending for him in the hospital and recovering, I'm feeling as though this is the kinda thing you do for a lover or life partner. I'm definitely not a life partner but thought about revisiting an old relationship. There's so much love there but it doesn't go without issue.

I've been looking for my Prince Charming but unable to locate him. So many guys I've dated, seen, courted, entertained and sexed, but nothing changed how I felt about Gabe. I want a "till death do us part" type man, and realized that is Gabe! I just don't know if I can go the distance knowing that I will not completely satisfy him. I've been declared a 6 on the sex scale, he's bisexual, and the woman he shares kids with doesn't like me. I tend to be insecure when I know I can't satisfy someone and I'm not growing titties or flipping my dick inside out! I just don't know!

I never envisioned that he'd be my handsome prince, not once! He did rescue me, but he wasn't on a horse, lol! He says the sweetest things, but also so many bad things. He has my best interest at heart but sometimes is just uninterested. Def don't wanna be hurt like the last time, but having almost lost him, I don't wanna lose him again.

Just Keep Wondering...